Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "Fort Yosemite & The Inner Circle"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
15 total reviews
Comment from Sasha
Well, that certain was not expected. Love the dialogue in the meeting. You convey everyone concerns perfectly. I also agree that they have to be careful and although many are their friends, they cannot be to cautious. I love Ma, she is a terrific character and I love how you portray her. Keep up the great work.
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Well, that certain was not expected. Love the dialogue in the meeting. You convey everyone concerns perfectly. I also agree that they have to be careful and although many are their friends, they cannot be to cautious. I love Ma, she is a terrific character and I love how you portray her. Keep up the great work.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
Comment from nordicgirl
You are brave. So the oceans have risen beyond global warming. This is not an earthquake either. So the chemical weapons messed up the atmosphereand ice caps are melting. Are they done? Thats a high level. Almost to the foothills maybe. East coast, Florida and parts of LA under water. Okay, bring it on. If this doesn't bring everyone together nothing will. Can't wait!!!!! NG
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You are brave. So the oceans have risen beyond global warming. This is not an earthquake either. So the chemical weapons messed up the atmosphereand ice caps are melting. Are they done? Thats a high level. Almost to the foothills maybe. East coast, Florida and parts of LA under water. Okay, bring it on. If this doesn't bring everyone together nothing will. Can't wait!!!!! NG
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
Comment from Sankey
OK mate we are all with you leader hehe. I think I am at the end of where you are up to so we look forward to some more wherever it goes. No spags this time.
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OK mate we are all with you leader hehe. I think I am at the end of where you are up to so we look forward to some more wherever it goes. No spags this time.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
Comment from CR Delport
I take it the oceans rise because of the warming conditions and the ice caps melting? I used a similar scenario in my second Arora book, and had to research the rising levels of the ocean and where it will be etc. Found a site that actually show you what will be under water and what wont be. One thing they have right is, there is no more US or Russian troops, it is now Yosimite troops, and if they can't understand that, there will be serious issues.
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I take it the oceans rise because of the warming conditions and the ice caps melting? I used a similar scenario in my second Arora book, and had to research the rising levels of the ocean and where it will be etc. Found a site that actually show you what will be under water and what wont be. One thing they have right is, there is no more US or Russian troops, it is now Yosimite troops, and if they can't understand that, there will be serious issues.
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Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
So the oceans have risen... quite a lot. Do you have a scientific explanation prepared for that to have happened? It couldn't actually occur that suddenly without shaking up the earth like a constant earthquake, so already you have an impossible-to-believe part of your plot. You have to guard against the temptation to introduce such unbelievable, unrealistic things, just because they add interest. True, most readers don't know enough science to realize the impossibility, but there are many who will, and they will see that the author has not thought things out. That's a bad place to be in.
For FS readers, it probably doesn't matter much. Not the brightest bulbs in the lamp here, but if you want to improve your writing, you should always be sure you have all the facts straight before adding anything new. Al Qaeda being on the move in the area is another one. The odds of that happening are practically zero, given the primitive nature of that organization and the fact that Russia would not tolerate a Muslim terrorist group within its borders to GET that close to Alaska in the first place, especially with Russian troops active there.
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reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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So the oceans have risen... quite a lot. Do you have a scientific explanation prepared for that to have happened? It couldn't actually occur that suddenly without shaking up the earth like a constant earthquake, so already you have an impossible-to-believe part of your plot. You have to guard against the temptation to introduce such unbelievable, unrealistic things, just because they add interest. True, most readers don't know enough science to realize the impossibility, but there are many who will, and they will see that the author has not thought things out. That's a bad place to be in.
For FS readers, it probably doesn't matter much. Not the brightest bulbs in the lamp here, but if you want to improve your writing, you should always be sure you have all the facts straight before adding anything new. Al Qaeda being on the move in the area is another one. The odds of that happening are practically zero, given the primitive nature of that organization and the fact that Russia would not tolerate a Muslim terrorist group within its borders to GET that close to Alaska in the first place, especially with Russian troops active there.
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Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 26-Mar-2014
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Hi. I know! I feel like I'm sawing on a tree branch and sitting on the wrong side. I can get out of Al Qaeda by them just being mis-informed or wild speculation. But, the Pacific Ocean was an insane thing to throw in. I'm way behind in responding. But, I am reading your reviews and taking them to heart and trying to keep my head above water. Hahaha. I jumped ahead to this one so you know I'm paying attention. I'll figure something out. I hope... mikey
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I also write "on the fly" not knowing what will happen, with only a very general plan for the book. But when an idea occurs to me, I always think about what it will mean to the story... how I will tie up any loose ends it causes, and often I have to say "it's not worth the hassle" and try soemthing else. Just be careful what you insert... you can't take it back now. So... what IS your explanation for the ocean moving up so high? You put yourself into a corner, a bad place to be.
It's one thing to write as you go, but you have made the mistake of TELLING readers that you are doing this, which makes us wonder why we bother reading, frankly. Some won't care, others will, but if you want to be taken seriously by editors adn publishers some day, you really need to control your impulses better, I think. Just trying to help... hope you know that, Mikey. I'm not saying this to discourage you, because your creativity is wonderful. But you have to get it under control for your own sake.. that's all I'm trying to say. :)
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Good advice. I know that. One of my traits that I truly have to watch. I should at least make sure there is water in the pool before I dive in the deep end. I think it's a habit from never showing my work to anyone before. I have to get it in my head that someone...no, everyone is going to read this! Plus, this is all new to me. I've never written anything over a few pages long until I got here. Thank you so much. I really do listen. mikey
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I should at least make sure there is water in the pool before I dive in the deep end.
Good way to put it. I've seen a lot of improvement in your work in the past few months, frankly. You are more controlled about the tendency to talk too much, and that's helping move the plot forward, which is the goal. Your creativity is a real talent, and once you reign it in, you're going to be a fabulous writer, whatever scenario you choose to start with. I'm a huge fan, since truly creative ideas are so rare here... and everywhere!
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Oops... that's REIN it in, not REIGN. LOL!
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I was already fashioning a crown!
