I Hereby Crown Thee ...
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Contrast & Evasion"A collection of crowns of sonnets
24 total reviews
Comment from jshep
Hi, Mike.
Great first two lines.
Love this stanza: Our brushes soar across a great expanse --
a canvas brought to life in colours' verve
while ink describes the classical romance,
alive upon the passion of its curve.
as puppets of a violence home to nest (I see VIoLENCE as three syllables which would make this sentence 11 syllables.
But no illumination can be seen,
without the darkness keeping our sight keen.(very philosophical. a lot of depth throughout this crown of sonnets.. truly breathtaking in scope.
VI: Blue is the night. I started out with the wow factor as far as being my favorite sonnet. then it took a turn which certainly gave food for thought. lol
of contrasts nature's beauty can create,
the facets gleaming, perfect diamond's blink.
With every breath, we must appreciate
the elegance of opposition's link,
because a death is meaninglessly stark
if life is just evasion of the dark. BEAUTIFUL STANZA AND DEEP AND THOUGHTFUL COUPLET.
The whole crown is done with so much thought and emotion as to life its self. I truly found this to be one of my favorites in a series of amazing entries. An exceptional job, Mike. Best of luck. Joycexx
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Hi, Mike.
Great first two lines.
Love this stanza: Our brushes soar across a great expanse --
a canvas brought to life in colours' verve
while ink describes the classical romance,
alive upon the passion of its curve.
as puppets of a violence home to nest (I see VIoLENCE as three syllables which would make this sentence 11 syllables.
But no illumination can be seen,
without the darkness keeping our sight keen.(very philosophical. a lot of depth throughout this crown of sonnets.. truly breathtaking in scope.
VI: Blue is the night. I started out with the wow factor as far as being my favorite sonnet. then it took a turn which certainly gave food for thought. lol
of contrasts nature's beauty can create,
the facets gleaming, perfect diamond's blink.
With every breath, we must appreciate
the elegance of opposition's link,
because a death is meaninglessly stark
if life is just evasion of the dark. BEAUTIFUL STANZA AND DEEP AND THOUGHTFUL COUPLET.
The whole crown is done with so much thought and emotion as to life its self. I truly found this to be one of my favorites in a series of amazing entries. An exceptional job, Mike. Best of luck. Joycexx
Comment Written 28-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 01-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much, Joyce. I wasn't sure I'd get my entry done for the contest, then this came belting out the day before the deadline. Nothing like a last minute panic, lol. I'm thrilled you enjoyed it, my friend.
This was indeed a terrific field of entries. When I read them, I was stunned how many high quality piece Yelena's contest generated. I can't actually remember who I voted for, lol. That's because there were so many in close contention.
Thanks again, my friend.
Mike
Comment from pattipac
Your heroic sonnets is beautifully written and thought provoking. I like the premise given within this poem about the necessity of experiencing the darkest night so that we can see the spark of hope's light needed to garner the life we choose to live.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Your heroic sonnets is beautifully written and thought provoking. I like the premise given within this poem about the necessity of experiencing the darkest night so that we can see the spark of hope's light needed to garner the life we choose to live.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Patti :-). It's one of my favourite themes and this was a great way to explore it thoroughly.
Mike
Comment from Carole Rosa
Mike, I voted for your poetic piece as I feel your work was best suited to win the contest. The photo art was perfect for your work and the music was an added treat while reading your work. So many of your lines touched me as true to be told such as,
"We smile through doubt like only monsters can,
ignoring humble lessons learnt as teens."
Good luck in the contest. Carole
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Mike, I voted for your poetic piece as I feel your work was best suited to win the contest. The photo art was perfect for your work and the music was an added treat while reading your work. So many of your lines touched me as true to be told such as,
"We smile through doubt like only monsters can,
ignoring humble lessons learnt as teens."
Good luck in the contest. Carole
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Thank you, Carole :-). I do think poetry is a great vehicle for philosophical and thoughtful subjects. A metaphor can speak a thousand words.
Mike
Comment from James Dooney
This is absolutely solid my friend ! I love what you have done here with this ! its so vivid and strong ! I feel you have done a great job here.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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This is absolutely solid my friend ! I love what you have done here with this ! its so vivid and strong ! I feel you have done a great job here.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Thanks James - I'm really glad you liked it.
Mike
Comment from emjaihammond
You do have a way with words! This was such a lovely read. I admire the way you can turn a phrase. This is a very strong entry and a joy to read.
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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You do have a way with words! This was such a lovely read. I admire the way you can turn a phrase. This is a very strong entry and a joy to read.
Comment Written 26-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, emjai. You've put a big smile on my face :-).
Mike
Comment from DonandVicki
I know how difficult it is to write a regular sonnet so I can only imagine how much time and effort it must have taken you to compose this heroic one, and to have it flow so well. Don and Vicki
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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I know how difficult it is to write a regular sonnet so I can only imagine how much time and effort it must have taken you to compose this heroic one, and to have it flow so well. Don and Vicki
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 28-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Don and/or Vicki! In the end, this was a mad panic write as the deadline was looking. Took about an hour to write, then another half hour tweaking.
Mike
Comment from sgalletti
OK, Mike - You're brilliant and I always knew that. But, I pegged you more as a prose writer and her you pull off this amazing and most complex poetry form.
It is highly sophisticated, has flawless meter, fabulous juxtaposition ( light and dark and loud and soft) and lovely imagery.
Terrific contender.
I thank Yelena immensely for continuing to raise the bar on this site with this contest. I have entered it in the past and labored for weeks. I know how challenging it is to write a Crown. One of my crowns was actually at the top of the site's Top Poems for quite some time. After writing three, I decided to give it up.
Good for you for persevering with this amazing piece. And, good luck!
Hugs, Sue
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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OK, Mike - You're brilliant and I always knew that. But, I pegged you more as a prose writer and her you pull off this amazing and most complex poetry form.
It is highly sophisticated, has flawless meter, fabulous juxtaposition ( light and dark and loud and soft) and lovely imagery.
Terrific contender.
I thank Yelena immensely for continuing to raise the bar on this site with this contest. I have entered it in the past and labored for weeks. I know how challenging it is to write a Crown. One of my crowns was actually at the top of the site's Top Poems for quite some time. After writing three, I decided to give it up.
Good for you for persevering with this amazing piece. And, good luck!
Hugs, Sue
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thank you, Sue :-). I see my prose as the potential meal ticket but poetry dominates my brain. If the thoughts are building up, battling for release, there's nothing quite like a poem. I'm so glad you liked it!
Apologies for the slow reply - I let the reviews build up too much and am only just now conquering them. Nice to see you picking up the instructor baton. I hope the first course goes well.
Mike
Comment from Eternal Muse
Mike, this was brilliant, and I commend you especially, knowing this was last minute. Love your symphony of light and dark, a metaphoric delight, with all poetic devices imaginable. Exceptional use language throughout. A very sophisticated piece. The artwork you chose for your piece is very fitting. I also enjoyed your background music, which set the mood.
Favorite lines (among many):
Our brushes soar across a great expanse --
a canvas brought to life in colours' verve
while ink describes the classical romance,
alive upon the passion of its curve.
Creation is the dawn upon the sky,
horizon's purpose blooming into light --
the sun aloft like butter for the eye,
the hopeful lubrication for our sight.
Our nightmares are accounting for the mind,
investigating what a thought denies -
the reparations driving us to bind
ourselves to seek a way to loose the ties.
A great study of the mind, conscious and subconscious.
A most delightful read.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Mike, this was brilliant, and I commend you especially, knowing this was last minute. Love your symphony of light and dark, a metaphoric delight, with all poetic devices imaginable. Exceptional use language throughout. A very sophisticated piece. The artwork you chose for your piece is very fitting. I also enjoyed your background music, which set the mood.
Favorite lines (among many):
Our brushes soar across a great expanse --
a canvas brought to life in colours' verve
while ink describes the classical romance,
alive upon the passion of its curve.
Creation is the dawn upon the sky,
horizon's purpose blooming into light --
the sun aloft like butter for the eye,
the hopeful lubrication for our sight.
Our nightmares are accounting for the mind,
investigating what a thought denies -
the reparations driving us to bind
ourselves to seek a way to loose the ties.
A great study of the mind, conscious and subconscious.
A most delightful read.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2014
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Thanks so much, Yelena, and apologies for the slow reply. It's been hellish at work and all I do at home is sleep these days (indeed, I wrote my crown during a commuter train ride home).
Contrast is one of my favourite themes - how light needs dark to shine and conscience only exists because of unpleasant thoughts. It's a subject ripe for philosophical plucking and the crown - a long form by nature - is the perfect vehicle for it. I think poetry is ideal for philosophy because metaphor allows one to explore complex concepts without cumbersome extrapolation.
I'm so glad you liked it, and thanks again for doing the organising. It was an incredibly strong field of entries.
Mike
Comment from Treischel
Very well written Crown of Heroic Sonnet. a treatise on the vagaries of mankind. Profoundly deep, I found the transitions not significantly differentiated to hold a strong appeal. The logic was impeccable. The form, rhythm, meter, and rhyme were flawless. You are to be commended for the mastery of poetry you displayed,
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Very well written Crown of Heroic Sonnet. a treatise on the vagaries of mankind. Profoundly deep, I found the transitions not significantly differentiated to hold a strong appeal. The logic was impeccable. The form, rhythm, meter, and rhyme were flawless. You are to be commended for the mastery of poetry you displayed,
Comment Written 25-Mar-2014
Comment from rama devi
Kudos for this fantastic write, my friend. So brave you are to enter this contest...I do not think I have another crown within me just now...certainly not one as masterful as this. I know you know I noticed all those nuances of alliteration, consonance and assonance, so i will not mention them all, because this is too long and there are so many finely crafted poetic devices in your work. I applaud each one silently as background music to this review!
Flawless meter, inventive rhyming and a firm maestro's command of words (and their phonetics) make this an eloquent and impressive work, but it's the thematic content, imagery and word choices that make it stand out as exceptionally exceptional! Philosophical and thought-provoking, rich with insight and expressiveness.
I'll let you know which lines struck me as most memorable, either for being eloquent or through provoking--or both:
*acceptance is the road to verity,
*to hide a nightmare's fear in midnight's lee.
*This entire section...outstanding:
A shuffle of the feet is all we need
to kick the desperate detritus aside
and clear the path to sow the future's seed
with deferential dreams we can't divide
by culture, creed or crass divinity --
in inspiration's hopeful tapestry.
*so uniquely phrased:
there's more than just a paper parody
we act in cliche, double-Dutch and trope.
Remarkable image and voicing:
with understanding -- art is but a spade
unearthing thoughts we otherwise forget.
Insightful:
But no illumination can be seen,
without the darkness keeping our sight keen.
POWERFUL:
the blackness of a void so dark it's clean,
a backdrop for the stars we like to blame
Oh my goodness--this entire section is so intense and revealing...brilliant shining a spotlight on all we try to hide:
for every ill we visit on ourselves
and every pain to grace a teardrop's fall,
a hell exists for masochistic delves
into the blackness holding us in thrall.
For only in the darkest realm of thought,
debilitating desperation's tone
becomes the confidant we never sought
to whisper urges never to condone
or paint as friends we hide in silhouette
for fear their faces beckon evil deeds.
Indeed, we sometimes seek the will to vet
our driving lusts and hate's repellent seeds
by quaking in the blackest of our fire,
reminding us the things we most admire.
Uniquely voiced:
By waking to the beauty of the beams
we steal away the nightmare's hegemony.
Awesome consonance and assonance here:
from deepest pits we fill, or be remiss,
with kisses wrought in flames of the abyss.
SUPERB PHRASING:
These deferential pastiches of bliss
Read that one four ties aloud YUMMY!
These lines gave me GOOSE BUMPS with hairs on end:
For only in the deepest tenor's voice
can our soprano soar upon the wing,
and only with inspired freedom's choice
does anybody have the chance to sing
--nice personification: perfect diamond's blink.
Well voiced and profound:
With every breath, we must appreciate
the elegance of opposition's link,
because a death is meaninglessly stark
if life is just evasion of the dark.
WOW--your poem is breathtaking!
Suggestions (just a few)
*
the sun aloft(,) like butter for the eye,
* (optional comma)
but fearful of the slumber of the mind(,)
where rampant hordes of demons can invade
*
with violence borne on wings of our own spite(,)
like angels spawned to wield the swords of hate(,)
Bravo for the masterful efforts behind this impressive piece, my friend. Six-worthy for sure.
Warmly, rd
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Kudos for this fantastic write, my friend. So brave you are to enter this contest...I do not think I have another crown within me just now...certainly not one as masterful as this. I know you know I noticed all those nuances of alliteration, consonance and assonance, so i will not mention them all, because this is too long and there are so many finely crafted poetic devices in your work. I applaud each one silently as background music to this review!
Flawless meter, inventive rhyming and a firm maestro's command of words (and their phonetics) make this an eloquent and impressive work, but it's the thematic content, imagery and word choices that make it stand out as exceptionally exceptional! Philosophical and thought-provoking, rich with insight and expressiveness.
I'll let you know which lines struck me as most memorable, either for being eloquent or through provoking--or both:
*acceptance is the road to verity,
*to hide a nightmare's fear in midnight's lee.
*This entire section...outstanding:
A shuffle of the feet is all we need
to kick the desperate detritus aside
and clear the path to sow the future's seed
with deferential dreams we can't divide
by culture, creed or crass divinity --
in inspiration's hopeful tapestry.
*so uniquely phrased:
there's more than just a paper parody
we act in cliche, double-Dutch and trope.
Remarkable image and voicing:
with understanding -- art is but a spade
unearthing thoughts we otherwise forget.
Insightful:
But no illumination can be seen,
without the darkness keeping our sight keen.
POWERFUL:
the blackness of a void so dark it's clean,
a backdrop for the stars we like to blame
Oh my goodness--this entire section is so intense and revealing...brilliant shining a spotlight on all we try to hide:
for every ill we visit on ourselves
and every pain to grace a teardrop's fall,
a hell exists for masochistic delves
into the blackness holding us in thrall.
For only in the darkest realm of thought,
debilitating desperation's tone
becomes the confidant we never sought
to whisper urges never to condone
or paint as friends we hide in silhouette
for fear their faces beckon evil deeds.
Indeed, we sometimes seek the will to vet
our driving lusts and hate's repellent seeds
by quaking in the blackest of our fire,
reminding us the things we most admire.
Uniquely voiced:
By waking to the beauty of the beams
we steal away the nightmare's hegemony.
Awesome consonance and assonance here:
from deepest pits we fill, or be remiss,
with kisses wrought in flames of the abyss.
SUPERB PHRASING:
These deferential pastiches of bliss
Read that one four ties aloud YUMMY!
These lines gave me GOOSE BUMPS with hairs on end:
For only in the deepest tenor's voice
can our soprano soar upon the wing,
and only with inspired freedom's choice
does anybody have the chance to sing
--nice personification: perfect diamond's blink.
Well voiced and profound:
With every breath, we must appreciate
the elegance of opposition's link,
because a death is meaninglessly stark
if life is just evasion of the dark.
WOW--your poem is breathtaking!
Suggestions (just a few)
*
the sun aloft(,) like butter for the eye,
* (optional comma)
but fearful of the slumber of the mind(,)
where rampant hordes of demons can invade
*
with violence borne on wings of our own spite(,)
like angels spawned to wield the swords of hate(,)
Bravo for the masterful efforts behind this impressive piece, my friend. Six-worthy for sure.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
