Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 57 "Ahanzi Moon"Murder Mystery
40 total reviews
Comment from AprilShower
I'm not sure that I understand the picture, but it is colorful and stands out.
It seems Edward Pearce is haunted by ghosts. This novel is dark one. I have no idea on how it will end.
I have no suggestions, Bev.
April :o)
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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I'm not sure that I understand the picture, but it is colorful and stands out.
It seems Edward Pearce is haunted by ghosts. This novel is dark one. I have no idea on how it will end.
I have no suggestions, Bev.
April :o)
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the encouraging review, April. Always good to hear from you. :0) Bev
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Holy crap, Bev, you never cease to amaze me. Such a strong chapter, with all the elements to keep the reader glued to your story. It just keeps getting better.
The dialogue, as always - spot on.
The tension - oh my god. When the door handle shook, when Danika was jumped...brilliant stuff.
And the touch with 'Dad' in the truck with Eddie. It's just one heart-clenching moment after another.
Really superb work, my friend. You push boundaries, take risks, and pull it all off like a pro.
Love and hugs,
Av
xx
she said, point(ing) to a corner of her make-up table, "and you can go."
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Holy crap, Bev, you never cease to amaze me. Such a strong chapter, with all the elements to keep the reader glued to your story. It just keeps getting better.
The dialogue, as always - spot on.
The tension - oh my god. When the door handle shook, when Danika was jumped...brilliant stuff.
And the touch with 'Dad' in the truck with Eddie. It's just one heart-clenching moment after another.
Really superb work, my friend. You push boundaries, take risks, and pull it all off like a pro.
Love and hugs,
Av
xx
she said, point(ing) to a corner of her make-up table, "and you can go."
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Av, thank you so much for this gracious and generous review. I'm also appreciative of you catching that typo. Just when I think I'm ready to wrap this up, a new character grabs hold. I'm trying to round up all the loose ends to that end LoL. Sure appreciate you! Much love, Bev
Comment from barkingdog
And here we have a new side to the situation. We see several 'bad guys'. Danika is a real piece of work. Jordan threatens her and Pearce shows up to kidnap her.
Just when it was getting good, it was over and I have to wait another week... I will. LOL
Fantastic character development, Bev.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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And here we have a new side to the situation. We see several 'bad guys'. Danika is a real piece of work. Jordan threatens her and Pearce shows up to kidnap her.
Just when it was getting good, it was over and I have to wait another week... I will. LOL
Fantastic character development, Bev.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Ellen, thank you so very much! Especially for the part about character development. I worry about that all the time, so it's good to get a nod of approval from you. Danika is a pawn in the devil's game, though Edward doesn't realize it yet. I really appreciate your encouragement, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Dean Kuch
Okay, Bev, I simply couldn't stand the suspense any longer. So please, bear with me as I jump into the fray with both feet and one eye blinded, and try to pick up the story that always causes such a buzz here on FanStory -- deal?
So there is incriminating evidence, overwhelmingly so apparently, that Edward Pearce is the serial killer the police have sought for quite some time in the town of Granite Mountain.
Danika Marten is a major network anchor who seems to like goading her assistant, Jordan, into frequent fits of anger. However, she's just using him at the moment, and once she's tired of him, he's a goner. Adios, muchachos! But she also has something over on Jordan, some secret that could destroy him.
Theirs is definitely a match made in hell, and probably destined to end there.
In the station dressing room area as she was leaving, Danika is hit and knocked forcefully to the ground by what appears to her to be a large dog. A hell hound, come to exact it's penance for a promise made. It's never wise to deal with the devil. He always wins.
No Edward's up to his wicked ways, and he's kidnapped Danika to do God knows what to her to make some sort of statement. Eddie's father comes to him in the car in a vision, trying to warm him that the road his heading down is one that he can't turn around on.
Excellent, Bev! I seemed to grasp the story just fine, and your writing style is highly polished and tension building.
Fabulous work!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Okay, Bev, I simply couldn't stand the suspense any longer. So please, bear with me as I jump into the fray with both feet and one eye blinded, and try to pick up the story that always causes such a buzz here on FanStory -- deal?
So there is incriminating evidence, overwhelmingly so apparently, that Edward Pearce is the serial killer the police have sought for quite some time in the town of Granite Mountain.
Danika Marten is a major network anchor who seems to like goading her assistant, Jordan, into frequent fits of anger. However, she's just using him at the moment, and once she's tired of him, he's a goner. Adios, muchachos! But she also has something over on Jordan, some secret that could destroy him.
Theirs is definitely a match made in hell, and probably destined to end there.
In the station dressing room area as she was leaving, Danika is hit and knocked forcefully to the ground by what appears to her to be a large dog. A hell hound, come to exact it's penance for a promise made. It's never wise to deal with the devil. He always wins.
No Edward's up to his wicked ways, and he's kidnapped Danika to do God knows what to her to make some sort of statement. Eddie's father comes to him in the car in a vision, trying to warm him that the road his heading down is one that he can't turn around on.
Excellent, Bev! I seemed to grasp the story just fine, and your writing style is highly polished and tension building.
Fabulous work!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Hi, Dean. Yup, you've got the gist of the latest events. There is a thread that's also a major part of this story, and that is that a pedophile priest started Eddie down this path by seducing the boy he loved. That boy later killed himself as he could not face being a witness at the Monsignor's trial. Father Brian is aware of the supernatural aspects of this case as he had some nasty encounters with Satan at the rectory. Anyway, I very much appreciate this great review, my friend. You are a horror writer I much admire, so your nod of approval means a lot! Warmest regards, Bev
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My pleasure, Bev! Great writing.
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Thanks, buddy!
Comment from Showboat
Oh Bev, it always makes me smile when I see a new chapter from you and this one was so tense I was on the edge of my chair.
Question about the sentence below, not sure, check to see if others mention it. I've been taught that the only time you can do that with dialogue is to either start a new sentence, ie:..'over there." She pointed.... and finish as you have it. I think in order to keep the comma, you have to use 'she said, pointing...', something like that.
hairspray over there," she pointed to a corner of her make-up table, "and you can go."
but it was half-hearted gesture ... maybe ad 'a' after was?
God, girl, this was super duper, no other word. Can't wait for the next one!
Hugs,
Gayle
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Oh Bev, it always makes me smile when I see a new chapter from you and this one was so tense I was on the edge of my chair.
Question about the sentence below, not sure, check to see if others mention it. I've been taught that the only time you can do that with dialogue is to either start a new sentence, ie:..'over there." She pointed.... and finish as you have it. I think in order to keep the comma, you have to use 'she said, pointing...', something like that.
hairspray over there," she pointed to a corner of her make-up table, "and you can go."
but it was half-hearted gesture ... maybe ad 'a' after was?
God, girl, this was super duper, no other word. Can't wait for the next one!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Hi, Gayle. Thanks a bunch for the great advice. Your editing skills come in mighty handy! And I appreciate the wonderful words of encouragement, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Bev - this is a riveting read and kept me on the edge of the action, the darkness was penned with great imagery and emotion from the characters. I thought it was exceptionally well done, skilled expressive writing that not only scares me with the dark aspect of the story but also makes me want to read more - and you know how I am on scary stuff:)
Thanks for sharing this was an amazing post for your story line.
Maureen
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Dear Bev - this is a riveting read and kept me on the edge of the action, the darkness was penned with great imagery and emotion from the characters. I thought it was exceptionally well done, skilled expressive writing that not only scares me with the dark aspect of the story but also makes me want to read more - and you know how I am on scary stuff:)
Thanks for sharing this was an amazing post for your story line.
Maureen
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Maureen, thank you so much for this gracious and so-generous review. I know that this chapter is pushing some boundaries. The one thing I want to avoid is falling back on the negative elements to further the story. Your feedback is a great barometer for me, and I so appreciate it, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Norbanus
So Danika has finally met her match
In Jordan and again in Edward too.
But do be know if she is really dead
or is she lying senseless through and through?
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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So Danika has finally met her match
In Jordan and again in Edward too.
But do be know if she is really dead
or is she lying senseless through and through?
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Indeed she has! Thanks so much, Norbanus. I appreciate the support and generosity. :0) Bev
Comment from Aussie
The Hound of Hell was a great piece of writing - I would have peed my pants too! I did enjoy this short story and I bet the woman won't need anymore make-up. Thanks for sharing my friend.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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The Hound of Hell was a great piece of writing - I would have peed my pants too! I did enjoy this short story and I bet the woman won't need anymore make-up. Thanks for sharing my friend.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Kay, thanks so very much for your very generous and supportive review. I really appreciate the encouragement. Hugs, Bev
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi Bev,
Whoa, this Danika lady is one nasty piece of work, but now it looks as if she's played one card too many. As for the murderer, this Edward is one very sick guy, and your demonic 'guide' controlling him gets worse and worse. Good hook on the end here.
OK, one correction for you -
He pulled to the side of the rode and wept - ... road ...
Patrick
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Hi Bev,
Whoa, this Danika lady is one nasty piece of work, but now it looks as if she's played one card too many. As for the murderer, this Edward is one very sick guy, and your demonic 'guide' controlling him gets worse and worse. Good hook on the end here.
OK, one correction for you -
He pulled to the side of the rode and wept - ... road ...
Patrick
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Hi, Patrick. Danika represents the way the press often complicates cases for the police - to the point of giving killers all they need to elude the authorities. This happens in real life and is utterly reprehensible.
Thanks for the great review and error check!
:0) Bev
Comment from CR Delport
Seems like Karma has caught up with Danika as she fell into the clutches of the serial killer. This is some strong writing and I didn't spot any obvious errors.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Seems like Karma has caught up with Danika as she fell into the clutches of the serial killer. This is some strong writing and I didn't spot any obvious errors.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2014
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Yes, that's certainly one aspect of this chapter, CR. Thanks for the review and support. :0) Bev
