Cold Metal
Homeless Veteran70 total reviews
Comment from PaddyMac
I usually avoid reviewing poems that have as many reviews as this, (what could I possibly add?) but I was moved by this one. I have never seen this rhyme scheme on the site and it works so well! Your effort in constructing this has been well rewarded, it flows well and effortlessly tells your story. So many lines are striking: "a grunt the Army trained to kill and maim" and "the orchestra of ricochets" are my favourites. The tragedy and pathos you create for your character is masterful. I enjoyed reading your poem and admire its craft. Very well done! Paddy
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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I usually avoid reviewing poems that have as many reviews as this, (what could I possibly add?) but I was moved by this one. I have never seen this rhyme scheme on the site and it works so well! Your effort in constructing this has been well rewarded, it flows well and effortlessly tells your story. So many lines are striking: "a grunt the Army trained to kill and maim" and "the orchestra of ricochets" are my favourites. The tragedy and pathos you create for your character is masterful. I enjoyed reading your poem and admire its craft. Very well done! Paddy
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, PaddyMac, for going against your rule and reviewing it, and for the sixer you graciously awarded the poem. I really appreciate it.
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My pleasure, well deserved!
Comment from mfowler
War is hell. There's no real winners, and those who come out alive aren't always really alive. This complex, but very human poem captures the sadness of the ordinary man who is haunted by the deeds of war. He was prepared to die, but society just lets him linger as a beggar collecting coins which sound like pinging bullets, in his old coffee can. I like this iambic pentameter with the unsual rhyme scheme in the six line verses (abacbc ..I think). It gives a sort of prose feel to it while maintaining a good poet beat. Excellent poem, David.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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War is hell. There's no real winners, and those who come out alive aren't always really alive. This complex, but very human poem captures the sadness of the ordinary man who is haunted by the deeds of war. He was prepared to die, but society just lets him linger as a beggar collecting coins which sound like pinging bullets, in his old coffee can. I like this iambic pentameter with the unsual rhyme scheme in the six line verses (abacbc ..I think). It gives a sort of prose feel to it while maintaining a good poet beat. Excellent poem, David.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Mark. You're so right, and I appreciate your wise thoughts and great review.
Comment from jmdg1954
Wow... This is one of the best poems I've read on this site over the past few weeks.
It has a powerful message and a sense of history of what impact war can have on the mind and soul of our veterans. Our veterans who put there life in peril 24/7 to protect OUR homeland. Many, now feel discarded, left without a home after serving for our freedom and democracy.
It's not fair... Wonderful poem my friend! John
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Wow... This is one of the best poems I've read on this site over the past few weeks.
It has a powerful message and a sense of history of what impact war can have on the mind and soul of our veterans. Our veterans who put there life in peril 24/7 to protect OUR homeland. Many, now feel discarded, left without a home after serving for our freedom and democracy.
It's not fair... Wonderful poem my friend! John
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, John, for your kind use of the sixer, and your wonderful insight and review.
Comment from royowen
Great write, I love these poems, it brings to the fore the incredible sacrifice these boys made, in a sense it would have been better to have died then, they're certainly not living now! I love the art image, and I loved the expressive language you used! I liked the interesting rhyme scheme, the the rhythm flow was nice and even, well done, blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Great write, I love these poems, it brings to the fore the incredible sacrifice these boys made, in a sense it would have been better to have died then, they're certainly not living now! I love the art image, and I loved the expressive language you used! I liked the interesting rhyme scheme, the the rhythm flow was nice and even, well done, blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, Roy, for your kind words and great review.
Comment from minopavlic
Your poem carries a message as powerful as a runaway train. This artistically crafted poem thunders with emotion and uniquely expresses the sacrifices of unconditional love and kindness, which applies to all forms of relationships. How the world would be a better place, if we would but follow your example
Thank you
No_obstacle
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Your poem carries a message as powerful as a runaway train. This artistically crafted poem thunders with emotion and uniquely expresses the sacrifices of unconditional love and kindness, which applies to all forms of relationships. How the world would be a better place, if we would but follow your example
Thank you
No_obstacle
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, No_O. I really appreciate your kind words and great review.
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I did nothing, as you earned my respect and recognition.
Cheers.
Mino
Comment from DonandVicki
A very sad and yet so true of the homeless that we try, some of us, to ignore. Yet how would we feel if the tables were turned so to speak. Don and Vicki
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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A very sad and yet so true of the homeless that we try, some of us, to ignore. Yet how would we feel if the tables were turned so to speak. Don and Vicki
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Don. I really appreciate it!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this tribute to the one who witnessed so much and came back home and was not the same again. great perspective of the homeless vet
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this tribute to the one who witnessed so much and came back home and was not the same again. great perspective of the homeless vet
Comment Written 20-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend!
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Dear Marillion - This is exceptional for many reasons and powerfully penned with much for us to ponder.
When I head into Toronto I always head to what I call my boys....homeless, of varying ages. They just call me 'pretty lady' even though they know my name I haven't convinced them to use it yet:) (Its been years) I'm in my suit and their in bundles of whatever they find.
We sit and chat while they devour the coffee and food I bring...and talk of many things....and four of them are veterans, with medals of honour.....yet when they talk to me about those times which is rare, their eyes tell me of their horrors.
A profound piece to read and to remember judgement causes nothing more than anguish, and they have suffered enough.
Thanks for sharing a profound work.
Maureen
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Dear Marillion - This is exceptional for many reasons and powerfully penned with much for us to ponder.
When I head into Toronto I always head to what I call my boys....homeless, of varying ages. They just call me 'pretty lady' even though they know my name I haven't convinced them to use it yet:) (Its been years) I'm in my suit and their in bundles of whatever they find.
We sit and chat while they devour the coffee and food I bring...and talk of many things....and four of them are veterans, with medals of honour.....yet when they talk to me about those times which is rare, their eyes tell me of their horrors.
A profound piece to read and to remember judgement causes nothing more than anguish, and they have suffered enough.
Thanks for sharing a profound work.
Maureen
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Sweet Maureen, thank you so much, my friend, for that sixer, for your kind heart, for your great review, and for YOU. I really appreciate you taking the time to review and to share with me what you do. Bless you, M! D
Comment from LovnPeace
A fine job M. It is no different today. Our young people injured and thrown away after giving so much to us. I give bills not coins if I see someone and give to wounded warriors each month in auto from my checking. it isn't much for what they give. Then are stolen from, from their own government. Them shame of them who give little. God Bless all who serve with honor. Blessings. Barbara
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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A fine job M. It is no different today. Our young people injured and thrown away after giving so much to us. I give bills not coins if I see someone and give to wounded warriors each month in auto from my checking. it isn't much for what they give. Then are stolen from, from their own government. Them shame of them who give little. God Bless all who serve with honor. Blessings. Barbara
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Barbara! Are you the same LovnPeace from several years ago? I remember you, my friend. Thank you for stopping by. Bless you for your kindness.
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Yes, it is me M. LOL Thank you. Blessings. Barbara
Comment from Dean Kuch
As a former Marine, I can appreciate this poem. I saw so many vets, still in service, who still had nightmares from their excursions into whatever personal hell Uncle Sam deemed fit to drop them into. The 'Nam, Korea, WWII, you name it, many of them lived it, breathed it and even died for their causes--our cause--our freedom. The plight of homeless vets is kind of a sore spot with me. It should never be permitted to happen.
Unique rhyme scheme,thanks god it wasn't a Shakespearean sonnet. Not a big fan of those, but I can appreciate the thought and effort that goes into them. Just as many are not a fan of horror, or romance, and so on.
Well done, David.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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As a former Marine, I can appreciate this poem. I saw so many vets, still in service, who still had nightmares from their excursions into whatever personal hell Uncle Sam deemed fit to drop them into. The 'Nam, Korea, WWII, you name it, many of them lived it, breathed it and even died for their causes--our cause--our freedom. The plight of homeless vets is kind of a sore spot with me. It should never be permitted to happen.
Unique rhyme scheme,thanks god it wasn't a Shakespearean sonnet. Not a big fan of those, but I can appreciate the thought and effort that goes into them. Just as many are not a fan of horror, or romance, and so on.
Well done, David.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for your service, Dean. I'm from a military family, so I truly appreciate it...as well as your insight and great review.
Do you hate the sonnet because of the mundane subject matter you see here? Believe me, there's a wider world out there for the sonnet. It's not all hearts, flowers, rainbows and kitty cats that you see here. My book was written in Shakespearean sonnets, and it was about a coven of vampires.
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That may be it, David, the subject matter. It just seems so regimental and restrictive.
I'd like to see your book. Is it on Amazon? I'll have a look.
