Comment from mfowler

Excellent

This is a quality children's poem despite the worry of the prompt. Mind you, if people read your notes, they are bound to see your logic and take no notice of 'inspirational'. Or may they'll just see your poem as inspirational per se. There' so much going on in the land of Gobbledegooks, that a child would be loving the razzle and the dazzle it puts on. My students would love it. The rhythm and rhyme are excellent, but its your choice of imagery and expert use of alliterative form that provide the appeal. eg What kid could resist - 'A Jester, a Joker, a Juggler, a Jack
And a Maharajah on an elephant's back'. You've got all of the fantasy characters from film and book, animals of interest, and a backup cast of mighty extras. One other thing that stood out here was your continual use of active verbs which give the verse that sense of onward motion and fun eg courtiers trotting,twirl him a tale,serving-boys scuttling about

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2014

---

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Thank you so much for the thorough and generous review - I had a lot of fun writing the poem and I have a very clear vision of what it would look like as a children's picture book.

Your words encourage me to plow ahead with my goal to get (traditionally) published this year.

Comment from ennahanid

Excellent

Six worthy for sure and I am all out so a five and a virtual six and some applause. I read this out loud twice because it was so much fun to do so and I chuckled away. Loads of luck with this one - DInah

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2014

---

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Thanks, Dinah, for the kind words and the virtual six.

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, mystery writer, you did an excellent job writing this poetic tale of the land of gobbledegooks. I enjoyed reading it. good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2014

---

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Thank you for the kind words and best wishes.

Comment from manicblue

Excellent

This was so much fun to read. A child would love this! I can see the parent reading this and poking the child's tummy at the end ("it looks just like YOU") and causing a bunch of giggles.
The only thing I would suggest is making the font size a little smaller. Great poem. :)
mb xx


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2014

---

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Thank you for the kind words and best wishes.

Comment from Lysa Schuler

Exceptional

This was a perfect poem all the way through. The meter and rhyming were right on. The flow remained constant, and kept my attention the whole time. However, the ending scared the hell out of me. You might want to come up with something else
A little more funny. This poem is so intelligent, I know you could come up with something. Maybe it's just me. I do take medication for being paranoid. Anyway, excellent writ.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2014

---

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Lysa, thanks for the kind words and the six stars.

The ending is not meant to be scary at all but just a bit of playful fun between parent and child.

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

Oh how fantastic...I love this land of Gobblygooks......and I look good in blue ...yes I do.....Well done....wow we think we have a lot to pack....
Well done.....
God bless


This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 15-Mar-2014

---

reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Thank you for the kind words and best wishes.