Pohutukawas
Revived Post98 total reviews
Comment from Rondeno
A perfect, beautiful sonnet, Steve. Glorious. I'm not going to say "it's a sure winner", because these contests are Russian roulette. Your poem is far bigger than the competition.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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A perfect, beautiful sonnet, Steve. Glorious. I'm not going to say "it's a sure winner", because these contests are Russian roulette. Your poem is far bigger than the competition.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Just as well you didn't gamble on that roulette wheel - third placing is as good as I get this time. :o)
Steve
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good use of the sonnet rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with soil/toil...land/sand. Good alliteration with stinging/spray...twisted/torn...sentries/stand/silent...mine/miser...seasons/summer...clad/cloth...weather's/wrack...beauty/back. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Good use of the sonnet rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with soil/toil...land/sand. Good alliteration with stinging/spray...twisted/torn...sentries/stand/silent...mine/miser...seasons/summer...clad/cloth...weather's/wrack...beauty/back. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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RR, thanks for the kind words and the thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from closetpoetjester
A beautifully written tribute to this particular coastal tree Steve and I just loved the descriptions throughout that dragged the reader right there where they reside. Authors notes very informative also, thank you. This reminds me of the poor tortured but graceful willows that line the banks of our Murray River...
Loved the first two stanzas in particular, but my fave was the closing couplet and the way you delivered so eloquently, the fact that these wind whipped and breeze blown beauties still manage to compliment the landscape, yet ask for jack sh*t in return. Now THAT is an example of both selflessness and sheer resiliance. Well done. Sorry no sixers left.
Good luck with your entry, it's an original for sure and superbly written as always.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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A beautifully written tribute to this particular coastal tree Steve and I just loved the descriptions throughout that dragged the reader right there where they reside. Authors notes very informative also, thank you. This reminds me of the poor tortured but graceful willows that line the banks of our Murray River...
Loved the first two stanzas in particular, but my fave was the closing couplet and the way you delivered so eloquently, the fact that these wind whipped and breeze blown beauties still manage to compliment the landscape, yet ask for jack sh*t in return. Now THAT is an example of both selflessness and sheer resiliance. Well done. Sorry no sixers left.
Good luck with your entry, it's an original for sure and superbly written as always.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thank you - now I was going to write 'they ask for jack shit' but I couldn't fit it into the meter!
Managed a podium finish but no glory this time.
Steve
Comment from Kenneth Schaal
A myrtle, with a flower like a Mimosa, and a Maori name. Sounded at first like an Azalea to me, much prized below the Mason Dixon. Kenny
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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A myrtle, with a flower like a Mimosa, and a Maori name. Sounded at first like an Azalea to me, much prized below the Mason Dixon. Kenny
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Kenny.
Closer would be the bottlebrush if you know those.
Steve
Comment from Hollyhock
Beautifully descriptive piece. I loved the flow of this one with all its run-on lines which accentuate the image of the proliferation of branches and roots.
"---that mine the miser soil" great alliteration and assonance here, the repeated "I" sound, thin and whiney, perfectly conveying the unforgiving terrain.
Good change of mood and colour in stanza three and I loved the triumph of "Salute December clad in scarlet cloth" - a militatry feel here, linking right back to the sentries of the frist stanza.
The final couplet brings together the two contrasting sections of the sonnet and gives the reader and inspiring ending.
Very well done, good luck, a worthy entry again!
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Beautifully descriptive piece. I loved the flow of this one with all its run-on lines which accentuate the image of the proliferation of branches and roots.
"---that mine the miser soil" great alliteration and assonance here, the repeated "I" sound, thin and whiney, perfectly conveying the unforgiving terrain.
Good change of mood and colour in stanza three and I loved the triumph of "Salute December clad in scarlet cloth" - a militatry feel here, linking right back to the sentries of the frist stanza.
The final couplet brings together the two contrasting sections of the sonnet and gives the reader and inspiring ending.
Very well done, good luck, a worthy entry again!
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Ah, I love it when someone points out how clever I've been by accident - absolutely no intended connection between the sentries and the scarlet cloth, but you're right it's very clever! Makes me chuckle to think of all the dead poets rolling over in their graves when their pieces are analysed in intricate detail!
Only good enough for third place his time...
Steve
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Don't you think though that our subconscious often works with our conscious producing those links which as you say are attributed to "accident". This is why we sometimes open our mouths and "put our foot in it" because the subconscious is still mulling over the last topic and prompting the conscious mind with vocabulary etc. relating to that even though we would rather avoid the subject/treat is with sensitivity. - It's still VERY clever - Andrea
Third place is good, I haven't featured for a long while!
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Yes, our brains work in mysterious ways.
My favourite hobby-horse theory is about brain plasticity. The more we write poetry (for example) the more neural pathways are connected and the easier it becomes - the poet's brain is hard-wired for poetry.
Steve
Comment from humpwhistle
It's funny how we can actually describe beauty
in terms like twisted and tortured, tangled and
grotesque. But your discription does conjure something
beautiful to me.
'mine the miser soil' -- vivid and creative.
Maybe I'll see one of these beautiful monsters someday.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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It's funny how we can actually describe beauty
in terms like twisted and tortured, tangled and
grotesque. But your discription does conjure something
beautiful to me.
'mine the miser soil' -- vivid and creative.
Maybe I'll see one of these beautiful monsters someday.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Lee.
Now you've got me thinking about other poems praising beauty in disarray. I've got Hopkins 'dappled things' in mind but there's another older poem on the tip of my tongue...
Yeah, NZ's well worth a visit anyway.
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
This is an accomplished sonnet and a worthy entry to the contest. Good luck. The NZ Christmas Tree is a good metaphor for life, praising those who cling on despite all hardships and still manage to spread beauty around them. There are many such brave spirits who smile in the face of adversity. Nice alliteration in 'mine the miser soil' and several other telling images.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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This is an accomplished sonnet and a worthy entry to the contest. Good luck. The NZ Christmas Tree is a good metaphor for life, praising those who cling on despite all hardships and still manage to spread beauty around them. There are many such brave spirits who smile in the face of adversity. Nice alliteration in 'mine the miser soil' and several other telling images.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Tony.
Glad you got the full metaphor. Must have impressed the judges enough to sneak into third place.
Steve
Comment from LadyCosgrove
Such a beautiful tree, in such starkly hostile conditions, must surely be a miracle of nature. Those valiant red blooms are spell-binding ...Your words do them real justice.
Love this.
LC
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Such a beautiful tree, in such starkly hostile conditions, must surely be a miracle of nature. Those valiant red blooms are spell-binding ...Your words do them real justice.
Love this.
LC
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Lady C!
Steve
Comment from strandregs
Shades of wordworth
I climbed upon a fluffy cloud
And rode on it away
An ugly witch then came along
And said you have to pay.
I gave a pound and turned around
Then farted in her face
The blast then cast
We saw the last
As she hurtled into space.
Oops sonate. I thought it sounded like I wonered on a lonley cloud.
Shakspere will surley be shaking his spear at me.
Nice cadence and atmosphere and visuals. Portraing crude beauty.
Z.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Shades of wordworth
I climbed upon a fluffy cloud
And rode on it away
An ugly witch then came along
And said you have to pay.
I gave a pound and turned around
Then farted in her face
The blast then cast
We saw the last
As she hurtled into space.
Oops sonate. I thought it sounded like I wonered on a lonley cloud.
Shakspere will surley be shaking his spear at me.
Nice cadence and atmosphere and visuals. Portraing crude beauty.
Z.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Zelick - I can always count on your reviews to entertain.
Steve
Comment from Angel Blessings
Very good presentation. Good example of a sonnet poetry. Loved your imagery. Your words flowed well, good rhythm, and rhyming sequence. Good luck on the contest. Angel Blessings
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Very good presentation. Good example of a sonnet poetry. Loved your imagery. Your words flowed well, good rhythm, and rhyming sequence. Good luck on the contest. Angel Blessings
Comment Written 15-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2014
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Thanks, AB
Steve
