Comment from Lovinia

Excellent

Hi Steve

I had this in my sites to review and got myself distracted. I then saw you had placed. Well done. I haven't read the others, though I'm sure this is well up to par. You bring alive one of those enduring salty scrub bushes which can flower so beautifully. Great to find such a super pic to complement your sonnet.

I actually entered my first sonnet in this contest. Not up with the winners but I can say I've written one. LOL

Up to a lovely standard. When you write them WOW do you write them.


"By salty winds and ocean's stinging spray
their tortured limbs are twisted, torn and scarred;" ..... peaked my interest and provided a clear image.

"they spread their cooling shade across the sand,
salute December clad in scarlet cloth." .... what a lovely display .... red not a common colour to associate with the beach. Lovely phrases for tis tortured bush turned beauty in the simmer. Congratulations. Well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014

Thanks for the lovely review - I had a feeling this wasn't quite going to make it to the top - but that's OK

I must take a look at your sonnet - good to get that first one out of the way and find out what all the fuss is about!

Steve

reply by Lovinia on 21-Mar-2014

Hi Steve

You did well in placing. I love reading sonnets ... and would like to learn the more classic styles. it does seem best to stick to the Japanese forms as I love them so much and an incredible amount to learn about them. If I had the energy to go 24/7 I might fit everything in. lol My muse took over on the content of my sonnet .. I wanted to do a love poem in the style of the old Bard himself. :))) I would love to know what you think of my attempt ... I did have some wonderful help with the meter. Hugs - Lovi xoxo

reply by the author on 21-Mar-2014

I did have a peek at your sonnet, but no time to review properly. I have learnt to be very cautious of theeing and thouing - first problem is getting it correct and consistent - did I see a 'you' in there somewhere?

And some reviewers/judges just don't like it.

Apart from that, my impression (from memory - I don't have the poem in front of me) was that the form was good but the meaning got a bit lost in places - possibly because you changed the original idea - so, partly very good, pertly not quite...

Now what I would like to get right is a 'modern' sonnet.

Steve

reply by Lovinia on 22-Mar-2014

Hi Steve

Thanks for the peek ... I will check the 'you'. I do understand about the theeing and thouing ... easy to forget and be inconsistent.

I did have one reviewer give me a four because she would have preferred the modern language. I guess I was over-excited at the thought of challenging myself to a sonnet. heheh! I will study yours and some of the others more and hopefully the next one will be more on target. I thought they had to be love poems or writing about a lover ... when I saw yours I liked the idea of the plant and the sea, etc.Yes I know a lot about the contests is the content and many only like the classic forms ... free verse seems to be more acceptable these days than when I first joined. Yes I tried to follow the rules ... I was also a bit up and down about the topic ....... knowing full well it is unlikely to be popular in such a classic form. Thanks, you are a sweet one for checking it out for me. When I really do something worth looking at, I'll ask you to take a peek again, if that's OK?? I'll have to check out the modern form on the net. Time. Time. Time. LOL Hugs - Lovi xoxoox

Comment from Marillion

Excellent

This was a very good sonnet, Steve, and definitely worthy of consideration. My only real suggestion would be to avoid the inverted syntax of 'grotesque their arms that reach out to the sky' by revising it to something like 'their arms grotesquely reach out to the sky'.

Love that couplet!

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014

Thank you.

I wasn't that concerned about the syntax here. IMHO it wasn't an extreme example - not anything you might not see in a piece of descriptive prose - and better than anything else I could come up with.

Thanks for the thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from Janet Foor

Excellent

This is beautiful poem. Thank you for the information about this Pohutukawas and the picture to show us what it looks like. Great use of enjambment and alliteration with tortured, twisted, torn. I especially liked the ending couplet.
Very well done and good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Cumbrianlass

Excellent

Love the chosen subject for your sonnet, Steve. I've not heard of this tree, but it sounds amazing, and I'll be visiting Google for more images of it.

The way you describe its endurance against the odds is wonderful. It sounds like they do real battle with the elements, yet still manage to put on a spectacular show. A blaze of glory, you might say, to celebrate their triumph!

I enjoyed this one very much.

Av

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Thanks, Av.

I tried to find a picture that would show
a) the trunks
b) the flowers and
c) the coastal situation

Couldn't quite manage that, but you get the idea... Lots of pics on Google.

Steve

Comment from Maltese Falcon

Exceptional

I keep coming upon sonnets and each one if very different for the rest but all are extremity good. would hate to be the one judging the contest.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Thanks, MF (and BTW a belated welcome to FanStory)

Yes, this contest always attracts some fine entries.

Steve

Comment from the blue pixel

Exceptional

What can I say but your sonnet is gorgeous Steve. Maybe not the word you were looking for but you make it sound as though all your words, just like dominoes falling on each other, each one depending on the other, just came flying out of the top of your head in an effortless fall. I never critique anyone's writing of the sonnet form as I have always avoided them for some reason but I can tell you how your poem made me feel."salute December" and your final couplet (REALLY gorgeous) made your sonnet an absolute pleasure to read. I could cut and paste a few more stunning visuals back to you but I don't see the point in that. My next holiday will be to see as much of your beautiful country as I can fit in without killing myself. I have only seen Auckland airport on the way to Canada thus far but my mother once told me that if a person cannot go overseas, at least go to N.Z. for it has a glorious piece of everywhere else. What a lovely tribute to a special tree that quietly stands demanding nothing but returns so very much to the appreciative eye. As I said Steve, just gorgeous. I wish you all the luck in the world in this contest, not because you need it but because I don't believe contests are generally won due to merit. xx Carol

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Carol, thanks again for another sixer.

No, unlike my humorous pieces, sonnets never come 'flying out' - difficult little buggers most of the time, but I appreciate the comment.

Yes, do come visit NZ sometime - if spectacular scenery and rugged landscapes are your thing, you will love it (or if you're into bungy jumping, jetboats and white water rafting I suppose!)

I did win a sonnet contest once before (with another 'nice poem about a tree', coincidentally) but I'm not holding my breath this time.

Thanks again.

Steve

reply by the blue pixel on 19-Mar-2014

N.Z. is the next place on my long list of places to see though it's unlikely that my long list will actually leave my imagination but N.Z. is definitely doable when there is no one special here to care for so it will have to wait but as you know, it isn't far to travel. If you don't win this contest, there's another you have entered that should blitz it my friend. You're a delight to read and it's my pleasure to give you a six if I have one. xx Carol

Comment from DALLAS01

Exceptional

I am really not familiar with the intricacies of the Sonnet but I think this was a beautiful poem filled with outstanding images and fluid language that appeals not only to the ear but to the eye as well. The art work is nice but I could have closed my eyes and imagined its beauty from the words alone.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from jgirlie152

Exceptional

Your poem is written most lovely, painting a picture in words of the beautiful Pohutukawas in December, though they are battered in the cold season, holding their own with roots gnarled and strong. I really enjoyed this.
Joan

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Joan, thanks for the lovely review and the six stars.

Steve

Comment from emjaihammond

Excellent

Both your poem and the subject of your words are beautiful. Thanks for sharing your work. I love the way it all comes together. Work like this makes me anxious for springtime.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2014

Thanks, MJ

Steve

Comment from Just2Write

Excellent

Thank you for introducing us to this tree. I knew when I read the name that the poem was going to have a Polynesian theme. The language of the peoples from your part of the world is unmistakable. It is so beautiful, and so is the tree which clings with determination and tenacity to life.
Excellent Sonnet. Nice use of alliteration with mine the miser. A good, strong closing couplet. I especially loved the last line.
Rose.

 Comment Written 16-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014

Rose, thanks for the lovely review.

The Maori language and culture has made an astounding comeback since I was a child (admittedly a VERY long time ago) - Maori is now an official second language, the national anthem is in both tongues and immersion schools and even kindergartens are flourishing...

Steve

reply by Just2Write on 16-Mar-2014

I'm so pleased to hear that. Too many of the world's cultures are being swallowed up. The Hawaiians are also working to bring back their language. I find all of the Polynesian languages so beautiful.
Here in Canada, the First Nations people are working hard to preserve their languages as well - a bit more daunting as there are so many dialects.
Rose.