Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Loved your sonnet - great form in meter and rhyme! I loved the description of trees in your summer time with their arms "in supplication" and "their tangled roots that mine the miser soil."
Thanks for repromoting to share!

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023

Thank you for the kind words!

Steve

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

As usual from you, this is highly musical and flows with fluid meter, creative rhyming and an abundance of phonic resonances with deftly woven poetic devices. Highly descriptive and imaginative word choices, like 'ocean's STINGING spray' augment the literary nuance. Superb personification.

one suggestion:


grotesque their arms that reach out to the sky
in supplication for relief from toil.

The reverse syntax weakens the voicing a bit, though some may find it poetic. I recommend playing around with the phrasing here. Consider trimming out THAT. Example:


their arms, grotesque, reach out to touch the sky
in supplication for relief from toil.

One comma suggestion:


The seasons change(,) and summer warms the land;


Favorite lines:
unyielding sentries stand in silent guard.

AND
They cling to rocky outcrops, anchored by
their tangled roots that mine the miser soil;

AND
the ocean's bluster melts to rippling froth;

AND
salute December clad in scarlet cloth.


Pitch perfect closing couplet:
Undaunted by neglect and weather's wrack,
they ask for naught - and offer beauty back.

I love the eloquent closing AHA.

This should do well in the contest!

Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023

Thanks, Rama. I'm happy you happened to be around to catch this and honour me with one of your fabulous review. The poem (and contest) is from long ago. No sign that it featured in the contest placings nine years ago.

I'll definitely re-work the inverted syntax line. I see somebody mentioned that in one of the original reviews. I had fun reading those - there were eighty of them - and the reviewers' names were like a roll call of old FS friends. I made a list of some of the more familiar ones and posted about it in the General Forum if you have time to take a look.

Thanks again for the attention to detail and the sixth star.

Steve

reply by rama devi on 17-Jun-2023

thanks for your gracious response, as always, dear Steve. I'll meander over to the forum and take a peek. Thanks.

So many people see gone but I see some new good writers here and a few old names returning too...

Warmly,
rd

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

A wonderful forthright and strong sturdy tree withstanding the weather and blooms with beauty agains the odds, this is a skilful well worded sonnet, perfectly metered and written by a talented poet, I wish I had a six left, this is one of the best poems I have read in ages, I adore sonnets and this one is magical Steve, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023

Dolly, many thanks for the kind words and the virtual sixer.

Steve

reply by Dolly'sPoems on 17-Jun-2023

You are most welcome Steve x x x

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am sorry I missed this post the first time around. Thank you for reposting it. I happen to be a huge fan of sonnets and this one is absolutely beautiful. I'm so glad I caught it.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023

Barbara, many thanks for the kind words.

There were lots of familiar names who did review this the first time around - quite a trip down memory lane to skim through them and remember those who no longer grace our site.

Steve

Comment from phill doran

Exceptional

Hi Steve,
This most certainly is one of your best. Your 'palette' of words is consistent and apt - tortured/tangled/grotesque, but the underlying sense of nature and its irrepressible beauty remains, however harsh the theatre.
This piece has a true sonnet pace and is such an easy and pleasurable read.
The only bit I didn't like was the fact that I did not write it.
I wish you well with your continued writing.
cheers
phill

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023

Phill, many thanks for this kind review.

I guess I've written quite a few sonnets over the years and I'd forgotten this one, so it was a pleasant surprise to stumble across it and read it with new eyes.

Steve

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

Like sentinels around the world, the kiwi trees seem dauntless, intripid never giving in to the strong breezes and salty air; in fact, I'd say they thrive on it.

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 17-Jun-2023

Thanks, Tom.

Yes, they are wonderful trees - they grow to a great age as well.

Steve

Comment from Lisasview

Excellent

I just adore Sonnets and only started writing and posting Sonnets for the very first time ever last year.
I love the strict rules and I do abide by them.
Your poem is absolutely wonderful and rather different..
Lisa, new to this site

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023

Hi, Lisa. Welcome to FanStory - I hope you like it here.

Thanks for stopping by to review this sonnet which I have plucked out of the archives. That's another plus for FS that they don't really advertise - that all your work is saved and available, although my constant wish is for a better Search feature. By the time you get a few hundred pieces on there and have forgotten what half of them are called, it is a real mission to find that half-remembered poem from five or ten years ago!

Steve

Comment from Debbie D'Arcy

Excellent

This is a superb sonnet! You're so right to revive it. Actually I didn't realise you could do that for a contest entry - I tried once and was refused once it had been generally posted. But what a great entry! I love the way you describe its arduous struggle from impoverished soil to break free, subjected to all its torments from the weather etc. Your sonnet tells a wonderful Christmas story of nature's blossoming fortitude in adversity and deserves to be a winner and to have 6* (sadly I have none) Good luck! Debbie

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2023

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reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023

Thanks, Debbie. I believe the Treasure Chest Revive certificate is only available for posts older than two years. Other than that, you should be able to use it on any post. It costs $9.95

I think I liked this poem because of the message in the couplet which fitted so well with the description of the Pohutukawa above.

Steve

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 10-Jun-2023

Thanks Steve I didn't know that about reviving. Wish I could do sonnets like that!

reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023

Practice makes perfect - or at least better. They are tricky critters and seldom come out as you intend.

reply by Debbie D'Arcy on 10-Jun-2023

You nailed it though :)

reply by the author on 10-Jun-2023

What do they say - not my first rodeo?

Comment from Sanku

Excellent

I saw the announcement , your coming third in the contest, so thought i would check it out.This is a beautiful poem about the Christmas Tree of New Zealand."Unyielding sentries'that "asks for naught but offer beauty back"can be said of almost all old trees.They stand for years providing comfort, pleasure and even food and shelter to the inhabitants of earth.thanks for telling us about the tree and its name .when with flowers it must look spectacular. I would like to be your fan so that i would get messages when you post. I dont come here regularly ,since I am the caregiver for my elderly mother.So many times I miss good poems.

 Comment Written 25-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 29-Mar-2014

Thanks for the thoughtful review.

Steve

Comment from CALLAHANMR

Excellent

Hi Steve:)
What a beautiful presentation of New Zealand's hardy and colorful tree. Your sonnet creates a fantastic word picture of this unusual tree.

Great contest entry.

Roger

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 22-Mar-2014

Tanks, Roger - glad you enjoyed.

Steve