Finding Daisy
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Welcome To My Garret"Another Ess and Oz comic fantasy
4 total reviews
Comment from Green Lake Girl
An interesting chapter. Martin refers to Daisy in the past tense, then corrects himself. Not a good sign. Trying to corral a fairy can't be easy. Love the sentence, "Of course I've been glamoured."
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014
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An interesting chapter. Martin refers to Daisy in the past tense, then corrects himself. Not a good sign. Trying to corral a fairy can't be easy. Love the sentence, "Of course I've been glamoured."
Comment Written 16-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2014
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Thanks. I have to say, my favourite is 'Obsession is all well and good, but you don't want to take it to extremes' Glad you liked it
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That too is good. However, I am a sucker for made-up words. Like "glamoured."
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Then I'm ecstajollified you liked it
Comment from Adri7enne
Nice, the way you describe his paintings as "felt she would know the person the moment she met them from their portrait." Must come from your experience with portrait painting. You still paint? I hope so!
I'm really enjoying the story. I liked the references to Van Gogh's obsession for painting the sun -light. Great writing, snod.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Nice, the way you describe his paintings as "felt she would know the person the moment she met them from their portrait." Must come from your experience with portrait painting. You still paint? I hope so!
I'm really enjoying the story. I liked the references to Van Gogh's obsession for painting the sun -light. Great writing, snod.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Never painted, but yes, I still draw. This week in the hotel I'm having a change from portraits and drawing a nude. It's not porn unless you pay for it. Thanks for the review.
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Go home, snod. LOL!
Comment from Dynasty98
It was a good little reader but you need to give less details about the characters and give a pinch of what your characters feel. Because nobody really always feel this way it's just not realistic.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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It was a good little reader but you need to give less details about the characters and give a pinch of what your characters feel. Because nobody really always feel this way it's just not realistic.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Sorry it didn't float your boat. martin is obsessed, but then he's been enchanted by his fairy girlfriend, so I think that's why he's a bit manic.
Comment from Jay Squires
The first thing Ess noticed was the floor-to-ceiling windows [were needs to agree with windows.]
flicking a short smile [Love "flicking" here]
Your dialogue is divine! You mix up the lengths, have one or two word sentences. Excellent capturing of the rhythms of speech.
I'm impressed by your use of active verbs, flicked, hurled, clamped, etc.
Oz, Ess and Martin are well-deliniated, rounded nicely. They develop out of their speech, rather than your narrative. That gives them more authentic life.
All in all, you've done a marvelous job with this chapter. I'll be looking forward to reading future chapters.
If I had a sixer, I would give it to you. It is worthy. And, I really need to speak to Tom, because I've been very stingy with them. I know I should have three or four left.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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The first thing Ess noticed was the floor-to-ceiling windows [were needs to agree with windows.]
flicking a short smile [Love "flicking" here]
Your dialogue is divine! You mix up the lengths, have one or two word sentences. Excellent capturing of the rhythms of speech.
I'm impressed by your use of active verbs, flicked, hurled, clamped, etc.
Oz, Ess and Martin are well-deliniated, rounded nicely. They develop out of their speech, rather than your narrative. That gives them more authentic life.
All in all, you've done a marvelous job with this chapter. I'll be looking forward to reading future chapters.
If I had a sixer, I would give it to you. It is worthy. And, I really need to speak to Tom, because I've been very stingy with them. I know I should have three or four left.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thank you. I shall take a moral six. Glad you liked it
