An Unfinished Man
Thank God chicks dig scars. ;)45 total reviews
Comment from seaglass
Scars are like living diaries of the adventures of our lives. This poem depicts a man remembering by connecting the experiences with his scars. The Iambic pentameter rhymes worked out for a smooth read.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Scars are like living diaries of the adventures of our lives. This poem depicts a man remembering by connecting the experiences with his scars. The Iambic pentameter rhymes worked out for a smooth read.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Yes, they are. Thank you very much!
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ah, the zest of life, remembered, longed for, regardless of the injuries, the pain, and yes, we have to "cauterize" that clutching gut as we age, don't we? It's so easy to fall into the trap of 'lackluster' if we fear, yet it's natural to fear more as we age because with age comes a closer 'association' with our mortality. (LOL)
As always, David, your poem is profound and insightful, as well as beautiful. (Yup, a six again, if I had one, for sure!)
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Ah, the zest of life, remembered, longed for, regardless of the injuries, the pain, and yes, we have to "cauterize" that clutching gut as we age, don't we? It's so easy to fall into the trap of 'lackluster' if we fear, yet it's natural to fear more as we age because with age comes a closer 'association' with our mortality. (LOL)
As always, David, your poem is profound and insightful, as well as beautiful. (Yup, a six again, if I had one, for sure!)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend. Sorry it's taking me awhile to answer (I try to within 12 hours), but it's been a busy week. As always, your reviews are profound and insightful, too, my friend. I appreciate it.
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No need for apologies at all - I am the WORST at answering (as of late)! I read every review but I am SO swamped by everything in life right now, it's ridiculous. I'll never catch up!!! I opt to review instead, so at least SOMETHING is done in gratitude...(sigh).
Comment from A Jesterstear
You have a Harley... is it still in one piece? A brilliant poem with an interesting structure big M. I love the line 'blow-torch eyes' I know that one... usually from one too many single malts. Great write. AJ.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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You have a Harley... is it still in one piece? A brilliant poem with an interesting structure big M. I love the line 'blow-torch eyes' I know that one... usually from one too many single malts. Great write. AJ.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Not anymore, AJ...hence the spill. That was it for that one. Yes, those single malts will do it! Thanks, my friend.
Comment from paulah60
David, I very much admire that you present a no-holds-barred look at ALL of you: this time, the tatt-bearing, Harley riding, occasional pugilist that was/is (in which case 'warrior is a better word than pugilist), shown under the glare of a fluorescent light by the gentle, sensitive poet. Contradictions abound! We're all a mass of contradictions, but our culture makes it difficult for us to expose the 'undesirable' ones, particularly for women. Yes indeed, 'chicks dig scars' on guys (too often, it's just the physical scars). In that vein, it's a sad indictment of Western society that too many chicks dig plastic surgery scars on themselves! That you over-code a man's imperfections in your poem brings this to light also. Still, our culture's skewed viewpoint and values present us women with the opportunity to choose to develop our appeal in other ways that preclude nipping and tucking! And I say all this because I read your poem as a wonderful metaphor for a life fully lived. This is all a bit confused, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.
'(Reminder of a road-rashed Harley spill).' I very much like this line; I can almost see the spill!
And I love the last line, which is really asking for the passion and more opportunities (painful ones included) to continue to celebrate life! Well done!
Cheers
Paula
PS: It's too funny that this ('An Unfinished Man') was in my inbox twice. The first alert couldn't locate the poem! It was...unfinished LOL!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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David, I very much admire that you present a no-holds-barred look at ALL of you: this time, the tatt-bearing, Harley riding, occasional pugilist that was/is (in which case 'warrior is a better word than pugilist), shown under the glare of a fluorescent light by the gentle, sensitive poet. Contradictions abound! We're all a mass of contradictions, but our culture makes it difficult for us to expose the 'undesirable' ones, particularly for women. Yes indeed, 'chicks dig scars' on guys (too often, it's just the physical scars). In that vein, it's a sad indictment of Western society that too many chicks dig plastic surgery scars on themselves! That you over-code a man's imperfections in your poem brings this to light also. Still, our culture's skewed viewpoint and values present us women with the opportunity to choose to develop our appeal in other ways that preclude nipping and tucking! And I say all this because I read your poem as a wonderful metaphor for a life fully lived. This is all a bit confused, but I'm sure you get what I'm saying.
'(Reminder of a road-rashed Harley spill).' I very much like this line; I can almost see the spill!
And I love the last line, which is really asking for the passion and more opportunities (painful ones included) to continue to celebrate life! Well done!
Cheers
Paula
PS: It's too funny that this ('An Unfinished Man') was in my inbox twice. The first alert couldn't locate the poem! It was...unfinished LOL!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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What a great review, my friend. Thank you so much for your incredibly insightful review. You amaze me with your ability to pull a poem apart and put it back together. I really appreciate it.
Comment from closetpoetjester
I see you have a genuine muse in the fan and it's rotations, D. Mmmm, nothin' like a bit of fan action right? LOL I love where you draw your inspiration from and I've found it can be from anywhere and sprout from ANYthing too.
I find many parallels here with my bucket of bolts...yeah I'm a scar freak! LOL My other half busted his left femur in 2006...got knocked off his...wait for it...his f**king motorbike...a BSA. It wrecked our lives for quite some time, (long f**king story)...I lost my business...but there were MANY plusses as well. I wouldn't be here right now OR have my two beautiful kids if he HADN'T done what he did so fate and karma has a funny way of directing the show of life for I have grown and matured in ways I didn't even think possible from his experience. I see the daily ache, I ride out his grumpiness, I cringe when I see the kids jump on Daddy and nearly make him faint when they knock his calcification...I see it all. The scars? Tell me about it...I REALLY must be a chick who digs 'em because boy does he have a set. And THAT's only his leg.
Back in 1999 he had a non cancerous tumour CUT OUT of his jaw...along with the jawbone and 11 teeth. All done from UNDERNEATH his chin but with a full reconstruction...many procedures and it looks like I've slit his throat from arsehole to breakfast time if you wanna get technical. He has a beard so most of scar is covered but the edge is not concealed so occasionally it's visible when he looks up. Anyway that's not the half of it.
I've played fuckin nursemaid for that, the leg...yep I've played Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker plus been Chief Bottlewasher for extended periods too. Oh yeah...don't forget Plumber either at 5 fucking months preggers AND I got abused because I wasn't holding my tongue right FFS! Anyway we somehow conceived and I managed to stay pregnant this time (I miscarried my first) and have a child which he COULDN'T carry with any success for the first year for fear of dropping the little man...anyway, we've been through the damn mangle and out the other side. If I even told you the half of it you wouldn't believe me. Hmmm, maybe you would.
Anyway your poem touches me deeply D, I have much empathy for those who feel any kind of pain and there are days where if I could swap with him, I quite simply would. I'm glad you were able to draw on all these experiences through youth that moulded and shaped you into the man you are today and by no means do you sound "unfinished" as it were...you sound like you passed GO quite a few times mate.
We must challenge fate D, but when we do, we must be prepared for whatever comes. I've learnt to accept the scars, roll with the emotional punches and everything that comes and prefer to take life day by day...sometimes even hour by hour. When you live with someone that's been through what mine has, you learn patience, tolerance and mostly forgiveness. I very much enjoyed your poem and found I saw so many elements that might apply to our story. I agree, the scars are the trophies, the record of where he's travelled and what he's done and a reminder that he is no longer a man but a machine! LOL
You should see the airport security thingy go off when he goes through...for god sake he's like a pile of scrap metal!
Thanks for sharing your story. This also made me cry, not only for the memories of all his pain, but for you too and what you might have endured. Impeccably rhymed and constructed, you little work in progress, you! Understand this, you have a gift like no other, D. Seriously.
You humble me today. Sorry, no six left.
P
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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I see you have a genuine muse in the fan and it's rotations, D. Mmmm, nothin' like a bit of fan action right? LOL I love where you draw your inspiration from and I've found it can be from anywhere and sprout from ANYthing too.
I find many parallels here with my bucket of bolts...yeah I'm a scar freak! LOL My other half busted his left femur in 2006...got knocked off his...wait for it...his f**king motorbike...a BSA. It wrecked our lives for quite some time, (long f**king story)...I lost my business...but there were MANY plusses as well. I wouldn't be here right now OR have my two beautiful kids if he HADN'T done what he did so fate and karma has a funny way of directing the show of life for I have grown and matured in ways I didn't even think possible from his experience. I see the daily ache, I ride out his grumpiness, I cringe when I see the kids jump on Daddy and nearly make him faint when they knock his calcification...I see it all. The scars? Tell me about it...I REALLY must be a chick who digs 'em because boy does he have a set. And THAT's only his leg.
Back in 1999 he had a non cancerous tumour CUT OUT of his jaw...along with the jawbone and 11 teeth. All done from UNDERNEATH his chin but with a full reconstruction...many procedures and it looks like I've slit his throat from arsehole to breakfast time if you wanna get technical. He has a beard so most of scar is covered but the edge is not concealed so occasionally it's visible when he looks up. Anyway that's not the half of it.
I've played fuckin nursemaid for that, the leg...yep I've played Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker plus been Chief Bottlewasher for extended periods too. Oh yeah...don't forget Plumber either at 5 fucking months preggers AND I got abused because I wasn't holding my tongue right FFS! Anyway we somehow conceived and I managed to stay pregnant this time (I miscarried my first) and have a child which he COULDN'T carry with any success for the first year for fear of dropping the little man...anyway, we've been through the damn mangle and out the other side. If I even told you the half of it you wouldn't believe me. Hmmm, maybe you would.
Anyway your poem touches me deeply D, I have much empathy for those who feel any kind of pain and there are days where if I could swap with him, I quite simply would. I'm glad you were able to draw on all these experiences through youth that moulded and shaped you into the man you are today and by no means do you sound "unfinished" as it were...you sound like you passed GO quite a few times mate.
We must challenge fate D, but when we do, we must be prepared for whatever comes. I've learnt to accept the scars, roll with the emotional punches and everything that comes and prefer to take life day by day...sometimes even hour by hour. When you live with someone that's been through what mine has, you learn patience, tolerance and mostly forgiveness. I very much enjoyed your poem and found I saw so many elements that might apply to our story. I agree, the scars are the trophies, the record of where he's travelled and what he's done and a reminder that he is no longer a man but a machine! LOL
You should see the airport security thingy go off when he goes through...for god sake he's like a pile of scrap metal!
Thanks for sharing your story. This also made me cry, not only for the memories of all his pain, but for you too and what you might have endured. Impeccably rhymed and constructed, you little work in progress, you! Understand this, you have a gift like no other, D. Seriously.
You humble me today. Sorry, no six left.
P
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Wow, P, what an incredibly story. I didn't know all of that, my friend. It means a lot that some of my work inspires you to share, as you're so interesting, anyway, wildly talented, and a genuinely amazing person. I really appreciate this incredible review of this poem, which I never expected much from. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
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X
Comment from Bryana
As I read your poem it seemed to me you had an interesting youth. It could've happened to me except I went to school with the nuns, we would've been excommunicated if we had bullied other girls(gee I didn't learn to fight!)I certainly enjoyed reading your poem my friend.
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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As I read your poem it seemed to me you had an interesting youth. It could've happened to me except I went to school with the nuns, we would've been excommunicated if we had bullied other girls(gee I didn't learn to fight!)I certainly enjoyed reading your poem my friend.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much, my friend.
Comment from tfawcus
That ceiling fan sure does go around and around, winding up the mind for another burst of poetry. A nice celebration of the foolishness of youth. No regrets!
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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That ceiling fan sure does go around and around, winding up the mind for another burst of poetry. A nice celebration of the foolishness of youth. No regrets!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 14-Mar-2014
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Yes, it does, my friend. Thanks so much, Tony.
Comment from Just2Write
The scars of youth often do define us. The scars of age are testaments to perseverance.
And trace the trophies earned (as souvenirs)
No need for the parenthesis here. At least, I don't think so. The line reads fine without them.
I think that scraps and fighting is some sort of right of passage that we all go through (male and female) despite what the anti-bullying campaigners would like to admit.
My mother did teach turn the other cheek - but after two, the council changed to let 'em have it.
Rose.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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The scars of youth often do define us. The scars of age are testaments to perseverance.
And trace the trophies earned (as souvenirs)
No need for the parenthesis here. At least, I don't think so. The line reads fine without them.
I think that scraps and fighting is some sort of right of passage that we all go through (male and female) despite what the anti-bullying campaigners would like to admit.
My mother did teach turn the other cheek - but after two, the council changed to let 'em have it.
Rose.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Rose. The parentheses are more for when it's an aside, and it seemed like one. I think I agree with you, so thanks for that.
My Mom counseled the same way, too. Everybody got a second chance, and then they got pulverized.
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Four great stanzas and a really nice read. The only line I felt did not ring true is the first in your second stanza. The mirror is a FRIEND of youth. It only becomes a FOE as you age and the flaws of age stare back. The scars of youth are great badges of achievement (for the male of the species) - besides youths don't bother much about mirrors, do they? You are right about a scar - especially a slash across the cheek like you see on German soldier in movies - rather attractive. A good read. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Four great stanzas and a really nice read. The only line I felt did not ring true is the first in your second stanza. The mirror is a FRIEND of youth. It only becomes a FOE as you age and the flaws of age stare back. The scars of youth are great badges of achievement (for the male of the species) - besides youths don't bother much about mirrors, do they? You are right about a scar - especially a slash across the cheek like you see on German soldier in movies - rather attractive. A good read. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Dorothy. You're the second person who mentioned that line, so I may need to clarify it in a way, as I meant it to read in the way you portray it. Thanks! David
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Changed it to 'friend of youth'. Thank you, Dorothy!
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Hi David, Just re-read it. Sounds right now. Dorothy
Comment from Domino 2
Fun notes, David.
I can empathise, as I'm held together with scar tissue - so many mishaps and silly fights when I was younger.
Not sure about 'The bathroom mirror waits, a foe of youth' as I think it's more a 'foe' of ageing, and a FRIEND of youth, but I'm probably missing something as usual. :-).
Fun and philosophical ending to infer you've learned from the scars, but still want more - a metaphor perhaps of 'excitement' of youth, but I'm probably missing something as usual. :-)
Top write - as always.
Best wishes, Ted
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Fun notes, David.
I can empathise, as I'm held together with scar tissue - so many mishaps and silly fights when I was younger.
Not sure about 'The bathroom mirror waits, a foe of youth' as I think it's more a 'foe' of ageing, and a FRIEND of youth, but I'm probably missing something as usual. :-).
Fun and philosophical ending to infer you've learned from the scars, but still want more - a metaphor perhaps of 'excitement' of youth, but I'm probably missing something as usual. :-)
Top write - as always.
Best wishes, Ted
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much, Ted. The 'foe of youth' line was more or less intended to infer the same thing, meaning that it doesn't lie, and though we want to see youth, we see the sad truth of it all. I may not have made that clear enough, and might attempt to clarify.
As always, I appreciate your interest and support, my friend.
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That makes sense now, David, though maybe clarify it slightly, as there are even DIMMER reviewers than me on site, and SOME of them actually read and think about the post. CYNICAL...MOI? LOL.
Cheers, Ted
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:)
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Thanks for the input, Ted. I changed it to 'friend of youth' based on you and Dorothy's keen sense of understanding. Pat yourself on the back, brother.
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I'm very flattered you took notice of my humble observation, David.
I just tried to do as you suggest, but I lost balance and fell flat on my face. LOL.
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Well, at least you tried. Believe it or not, I really do pay attention to those suggestions, or I try to explain why I don't use them. Thanks again.
