Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "Lost and Found"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
20 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good plan and excitement coming up. So at least they only tied up the others and didn't kill them...that's a good sign, I hope. Means they're reasonable. Unless they're keeping them as food stock... fresh meat! LOL!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Good plan and excitement coming up. So at least they only tied up the others and didn't kill them...that's a good sign, I hope. Means they're reasonable. Unless they're keeping them as food stock... fresh meat! LOL!
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Hahaha! I better write it soon. I can't wait to see what happens myself. mikey
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this is a fulfillment, of shorts of Grandma Clampett's prediction. Odds are even in that the archer bandits haven't found everything yet, and that there can be a successful take back of the site. If the Clampett's can see everything, then they know what's up, and may be able to be the Calvary to the rescue, if things go sour. Good dialog and logical plan afoot. No spags that I could see. :0 GracieAnn
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Mikey, this is a fulfillment, of shorts of Grandma Clampett's prediction. Odds are even in that the archer bandits haven't found everything yet, and that there can be a successful take back of the site. If the Clampett's can see everything, then they know what's up, and may be able to be the Calvary to the rescue, if things go sour. Good dialog and logical plan afoot. No spags that I could see. :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Ah! You are thinking that too. That is in the back of my mind as well. Not sure of it, but I like Ma and maybe Lester and Jonesy might lend a hand. It's fun not knowing for me too! mikey
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
This is another good chapter. You are bringing the story around to a peak, sharing the return to the camp and reuniting with some of the original members of the group. You've upped the tension, now all facing a life and death situation. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Hi, Mikey.
This is another good chapter. You are bringing the story around to a peak, sharing the return to the camp and reuniting with some of the original members of the group. You've upped the tension, now all facing a life and death situation. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Glad you're still following and enjoying! I'm anxious to see what happens myself. Hopefully we'll see tonight. mikey
Comment from ragamuffin
I'm very curious as to find out what the dreams are all about, maybe a little more about what's happening outside of the park. Very interesting and still quite the attention grabber.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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I'm very curious as to find out what the dreams are all about, maybe a little more about what's happening outside of the park. Very interesting and still quite the attention grabber.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Glad you are still finding it interesting. Yeah, the dreams. I still am trying to come up with an answer for them. I know that it centers around Christine, but still vague on it. My original write ended a while back, so flying blind now! Typical for me. Hahaha. mikey
Comment from Marillion
Another good chapter, Mikey, and moving along nicely. I do hope you'll dispatch Annie for her mercenary change of loyalty. At first, I was afraid they'd killed Jennifer and Carlos, but you quickly explained that they were just captive. I would make one small suggestion that Johnny probably wouldn't yell at the end there, because I didn't get the impression they were that far off from the camp, and voices carry in the woods.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Another good chapter, Mikey, and moving along nicely. I do hope you'll dispatch Annie for her mercenary change of loyalty. At first, I was afraid they'd killed Jennifer and Carlos, but you quickly explained that they were just captive. I would make one small suggestion that Johnny probably wouldn't yell at the end there, because I didn't get the impression they were that far off from the camp, and voices carry in the woods.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Yes, I'll fix that. Can't kill Jen! Carlos wouldn't bother me, but for some reason the shallow ladies like handsome guys. Intelligent conversation is so satisfying. I can't imagine what they are thinking! Doesn't look good for Annie though. mikey
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Annie NEEDS to die. Kill Carlos, too. Less competition. :)
Comment from seaglass
What will come first, war or rescue? Too bad everyone can't just get along and each offer their strengths to make a new community but that isn't the way basic humans think and stories like that are boring. We will have to wait and see. You seem to write at night?
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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What will come first, war or rescue? Too bad everyone can't just get along and each offer their strengths to make a new community but that isn't the way basic humans think and stories like that are boring. We will have to wait and see. You seem to write at night?
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Kind of in spurts. Whenever there is a lull in taking care of the people here. Little half-hour windows here and there. Late, late also, 2am when it's quiet. Still haven't written the next chapter of this. So, we'll see! mikey.
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That sound so much like me former jobs. You're on night shift then. Do you have to do those 15 minute life checks all night long?
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It's more of a 24/7 shift. No 15 minute checks though. But, they always seem to need something at the strangest hours!
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So you never get to go home?
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This is home. We live here with all the crazy people of which we are more of the same!
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OK, let me get this straight. Your home is a group home? I worked in Wyoming so I don't know how the system works here.
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Yes, for all intents and purposes. It really is just four people that we care for in that way. Not officially a board and care anymore. These are the high functioning people that decided to stay with us. They do better if they have structure and we don't mind. Folks in their situation seem like they are doing so well and then suddenly the structure is gone and things get very bad very quick. But, we used to run a formal board and care with 16 clients virtually by ourselves. So, this is a piece of cake.
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We have a lot in common. This is the kind of work I've done most of my life. I broke away to teach for a few years and to run a therapeutic foster home for at risk teen, but went back to mentally challenged. I found I loved their spirit and hard work they put in to maximize their potential.
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So very true. Russell who has epilepsy and schizophrenia always smiles and never complains. He never stops trying. No one would let him in a kitchen. I taught him to cook. He does all the cooking now. Smart lazy me!!
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One of my cleats witnesses a minister say something very insulting to another person. When we were driving home she said, "I may not be smart but even I know, to be a Christian means you treat people kind and if you don't, you're not." I loved her wisdom. She was mild Asperger.
Comment from Michaelk
Another good chapter. I can see the whole 'hostile takeover without firing a shot' scenario. I think that was quite believable. I did have a couple problems though. If this new group took over so easily, why wouldn't they be on better guard? If Johnny and Christine's group were sneaking around, trying to get the camp back, why would Johnny shout sounding offended? Wouldn't that alert the camp that they were there and ruin the takeover plan? Just a few points on a good chapter.
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Another good chapter. I can see the whole 'hostile takeover without firing a shot' scenario. I think that was quite believable. I did have a couple problems though. If this new group took over so easily, why wouldn't they be on better guard? If Johnny and Christine's group were sneaking around, trying to get the camp back, why would Johnny shout sounding offended? Wouldn't that alert the camp that they were there and ruin the takeover plan? Just a few points on a good chapter.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Good point, I'll have him tone it down or have them move farther away. They aren't that close actually, but good point. I think both groups were lax and the group that took over had numbers and surprise. Now Johnny only has surprise. We'll see! Thanks for the great input as always. Way behind on these. Going backwards. If I've missed some, rest assured that I read everyone of them carefully and appreciate them immensely. Thank you kindly, mikey
Comment from nordicgirl
This is reading smoothly. The dreams are interesting but not overshelming the story. Wise. The action between the real people is more interesting. Maybe work the dreams in slowly. Love the dialogue between Johnny and Christine!! Very real people that are funny unforgettable character types. Christine would be the one that I could see with special abilities triggering the dreams. NG
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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This is reading smoothly. The dreams are interesting but not overshelming the story. Wise. The action between the real people is more interesting. Maybe work the dreams in slowly. Love the dialogue between Johnny and Christine!! Very real people that are funny unforgettable character types. Christine would be the one that I could see with special abilities triggering the dreams. NG
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Good. Glad you see it that way. I was trying to downplay it a bit and save it for later perhaps. I like Christine too and agree with how you see her. Thanks much, mikey
Comment from ProjectBluebook
You are a beast, a busy man. Like to know your secret to your drive that I lack. Sure, you ain't a clone? hahah i been waiting for this continious chapter, mate, oops--I said that word. Say, they are held hostage near some trees? I like the distraction using a gorgeous woman. Too bad, if the four could stroll into camp with some sort of food, perhaps venison. Being archers, they could stalk a deer, is there game left? Then find some poisonous mushrooms and taint the meat. They would take the meat and hopfully chow down and get sick. That might rid the rats. Just a thought. Trying to offer some help, you probably don't need any. Maybe, they could lace their arrows with poison mushrooms or by a toads skin, the colorful poisonous types. May be wise to slip in at dark and slit their throats in their sleep if they are n't organized. Just one sentry to kill. Good luck, just trying to be of help. wackydo. i slowed down my pace in my next chapter. Added more details. i realize, it is too fast for lots of readers.
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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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You are a beast, a busy man. Like to know your secret to your drive that I lack. Sure, you ain't a clone? hahah i been waiting for this continious chapter, mate, oops--I said that word. Say, they are held hostage near some trees? I like the distraction using a gorgeous woman. Too bad, if the four could stroll into camp with some sort of food, perhaps venison. Being archers, they could stalk a deer, is there game left? Then find some poisonous mushrooms and taint the meat. They would take the meat and hopfully chow down and get sick. That might rid the rats. Just a thought. Trying to offer some help, you probably don't need any. Maybe, they could lace their arrows with poison mushrooms or by a toads skin, the colorful poisonous types. May be wise to slip in at dark and slit their throats in their sleep if they are n't organized. Just one sentry to kill. Good luck, just trying to be of help. wackydo. i slowed down my pace in my next chapter. Added more details. i realize, it is too fast for lots of readers.
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Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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The game is sparse. Killed or ran away because of the disaster. Mainly small stuff. The hillbillies seem to have a handle on it though. They'll be hitting the camp soon with Lacci as a decoy. Not sure if they're going to wipe them out or what. We'll see what words fall out on the paper. Hahaha. Good ideas. Helpful. mikey
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Seems like ideas flow once you start typing. That's why I make errors, i type fast trying not to loose my thought then I edit later. Maybe, a Sasquatch will wander into camp. LOL just kidding. Hey, that's Bigfoot territory. Get another Patterson sighting. You got a long ways before you get tapped out, Mikey. Hope you don't fall and get amnesia. LOL, joking. later Lion King, #13, come on! I got a good memory.
Comment from nor84
hello, Mikey.
gotta love a dog named Sprinkles.
There was a man and a woman stationed outside the mercantile>>>better, 'A man and a woman were stationed'
These people hadn't found it or they had and didn't see the need to arm themselves for whatever reason. >>>better to cut 'for whatever reason'. Doesn't add anything.
"Christine, what do you make of this?" Christine took a long look.>>>needs speech tag after 'what do you make of this?' Who said it?? Then, 'Christine took a long look' needs to start a new paragraph, which can be the start of the next line of dialog.
I looked around quickly, (but) saw no one else.>>>if you use 'but' instead of "I", you've accomplished the same thing and got rid of a pronoun.
Too damn much(,) man. >>>If the character is speaking to someone and calling him 'man', then you need a comma before 'man.'
What were we supposed to do, sit out in the forest and starve(?)
I don't know if you're up for this (,)Lacci, but you could really help us out here. >>>comma before and after a name when it's used parenthetically, like this.
If I were to touch Christine at that moment>>>better: If I had touched Christine at that moment,
Linda and Lacci both starred at us, as we were laughing, and shook their heads.>>> I recommend:
As we were laughing, Linda and Lacci stared at us and shook their heads. >>>please note stared has only one r and you don't need 'both' when it's obvious there are two people.
Good job with this. Just needs a polish.
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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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hello, Mikey.
gotta love a dog named Sprinkles.
There was a man and a woman stationed outside the mercantile>>>better, 'A man and a woman were stationed'
These people hadn't found it or they had and didn't see the need to arm themselves for whatever reason. >>>better to cut 'for whatever reason'. Doesn't add anything.
"Christine, what do you make of this?" Christine took a long look.>>>needs speech tag after 'what do you make of this?' Who said it?? Then, 'Christine took a long look' needs to start a new paragraph, which can be the start of the next line of dialog.
I looked around quickly, (but) saw no one else.>>>if you use 'but' instead of "I", you've accomplished the same thing and got rid of a pronoun.
Too damn much(,) man. >>>If the character is speaking to someone and calling him 'man', then you need a comma before 'man.'
What were we supposed to do, sit out in the forest and starve(?)
I don't know if you're up for this (,)Lacci, but you could really help us out here. >>>comma before and after a name when it's used parenthetically, like this.
If I were to touch Christine at that moment>>>better: If I had touched Christine at that moment,
Linda and Lacci both starred at us, as we were laughing, and shook their heads.>>> I recommend:
As we were laughing, Linda and Lacci stared at us and shook their heads. >>>please note stared has only one r and you don't need 'both' when it's obvious there are two people.
Good job with this. Just needs a polish.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2014
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Hi. I so appreciate the help and the extra time you have taken to be specific. It makes a world of difference to actually see a line properly written. I've had lines where my brain simply stops working and I just stare at it knowing it is wrong. It sinks in like this too. (Hopefully!) Thank you for the encouragement as well! mikey
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I made those changes and it reads so much better. All those little stumbles add up even when I'm not aware of them. I would be able to tell the difference without knowing that corrections were made. Thanks again. mikey
