Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Great job with this one. I still have no suggestions but plan to continue on with this no matter where it goes. Keep up the good work.

 Comment Written 17-Mar-2014

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

Great dialogue - I can really feel the tension between the two groups. You convey well what interactions are like in this society where people actually worry if others are thinking about cooking them and serving them for dinner.
Brooke

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2014

Comment from Lovinia

Excellent

Hey Mikey

Another entertaining chapter. I've missed a few though find your chapters are almost little min-stories in themselves. Held my interest, flowed freely and you captured the moment of 'capture', provided some dark humour, at least where Johnny and Christine are concerned. They seem to have met with a friendly clan and are safe, at least for the moment. You provide intrigue, and a little romance, in the face of danger :)). I've missed the chapters on the original concept of the dreams, so can't comment about your error.


"yer fallerin' us see, but we's a falerrin' you." --- I only found one glitch - "two diff spells for fallerin'.

Good work Mikey. I really like this one. Sorry not reviewing .. I keep getting logged out of FS and lose my reviews and messages even posts. I know FS is having a few glitches ... even now my page flip-over is so slow .... can't see a problem with my computer. I just received five posts in a row from someone ... so that can't be right. Sending me loopy .... too late, I'm already loopy, well loopier. LOL Hugs - Lovi xoxox

 Comment Written 11-Mar-2014

Comment from l.raven

Exceptional

OK!!! now were eating people because we can't deal with the...and we are going to bring more back...guess who's coming to dinner LOL...and Johnny and Christine are having the same dreams...OK!!! bring it on...ya know I love it...Luff Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

I have passed the point where the original story ended! Hahaha. I am flying blind as usual. I wonder what is going to happen next? Already posted. mikey

reply by l.raven on 11-Mar-2014

I don't think you had to yell me that...I knew you would ad on...ok let me go read you...Luff

Comment from GracieAnn

Excellent

Mikey, this adds a new layer to the potpourri of events unfolding. The dead pan (pun intended) humor gives the appropriate comic relief, but I'm not convinced that all is well in this camp. Dream scene is a good way to recoupe and flows in the story line. Suspense is key in this one. Well done. :0 GracieAnn

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

I think the hillbillies are going to be okay. I want to play off the bad rep they have a bit from movies and tv. The dream thing helps bail me out, but it's another can of worms too! I've also passed the point where the original story ended. Hahaha. I have no clue where it is going now. Good times! mikey

Comment from Rosalyne

Excellent

Hi, Mikey.
This is getting much better with each chapter. Your dialogue is great as is the development of new characters. I like how Johnny and Christine share the same dream. Well done.
Bye
Rosalyne :)

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

Glad you are liking it. Almost got off track for a minute. I have passed the point where the original story ended, so I'm flying blind now. I seem to always end up this way. I must like not knowing where I'm going. hahaha. mikey

Comment from Marillion

Excellent

Love the old lady, Mikey, and her cannibalistic humor. Also happy that Johnny has a lesbian girlfriend, which ups the chances of a threesome. ;-) It was a bit of a surprise to find that these were friendlies, but I like that they may have found a solid group to hook up with.

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

I'm a huge fan of lesbians. Too bad I can't tell that they are one before I decide that I want them. Hahaha. Too late by then, much to their chagrin! I thought I would go against the stereotype with the hillbillies. It would've been too much "heard that before" if I went the other way I think. mikey

reply by Marillion on 11-Mar-2014

You're right, and being Southern, I'd have been one of those thinking it. Well played, my man.

Comment from Petriesan

Excellent

There are ways the first person narrator can know things that didn't happen in his/her presence. . .( and not like Phil K Dick did)

I like the touch of patois in this piece

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

I came up with mutual dreams perhaps psychic in nature maybe stimulated by some outside source, not sure. I thought about them perhaps finding some kind of footage or written material, but went with this. We'll see. I've passed the point where the original story ended, so I'm flying blind now. Typical of me. Hahaha. Great fun though. mikey

reply by Petriesan on 11-Mar-2014

I am dealing with the same issue with my current story. I looked at Stephen King's Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption for ideas on how to deal with the issues of a first person narrator describing things he could not have known

Comment from ravenblack

Excellent

Well, it is good that you are going for the fix but now you've ed opened another can of worms - how to explain the transmission of the same dream to multiple people. A psychic attack? Could tie in well with the patients needing meds. If you haven't, a book that might help you along your way- The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

I may need to get a hold of that. Yep, out of the frying pan and into the fire. And now I have passed the point where the original story ended! I must be one of the patients. This is kind of fun. I haven't come up with a reason yet. But, it isn't affecting everyone. mikey

Comment from Tatarka2

Good

I'm giving you a rare 4 for several reasons: 1) the dialogue in the beginning doesn't sound real to me at all, and you're usually one of the best at dialogue; 2) in this chapter, the characters have become almost caricatures (especially the "natives" or whatever you'd call them) and 3) the dream thing just isn't working for me at all. Remember "Dallas?" I think you've written yourself into a corner here. A suggestion: what if you were to start over, and write the catastrophe from several points of view, including the mental patients and
David? Sort of like "The Poisonwood Bible," but written as a psychological mystery & thriller. Just a thought.

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 Comment Written 10-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Mar-2014

I'll keep that idea in mind. That's a valid thought when I go to edit. I do feel restricted by this first person perspective. The dialogue is actually very authentic. I know some hillbillies and they talk exactly like that. They live in the hills in the south mainly and live completely off the land with very little interaction with anyone else. Almost a little country to themselves. They are portrayed in movies and tv as being backwards and ignorant, but that is far from the truth. They're highly intelligent and resourceful. Still working on the dream thing. We'll see what I can do with it. mikey