Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Drug Free & Needing Them"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
19 total reviews
Comment from CR Delport
Mike, the only advise I can give here, is to make use of some contractions. Ex: I think you are going --- you're
They are getting worse. --- They're
There is no way they are going --- There's
Other than that, it is all good.
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Mike, the only advise I can give here, is to make use of some contractions. Ex: I think you are going --- you're
They are getting worse. --- They're
There is no way they are going --- There's
Other than that, it is all good.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from robina1978
The menally ill patients drop more and more ill. Some of the group see them as a liabilty and suggest killing them before they kill them. I don't hink that is a good idea.
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The menally ill patients drop more and more ill. Some of the group see them as a liabilty and suggest killing them before they kill them. I don't hink that is a good idea.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from ravenblack
I don't remember if you addressed it at the beginning, but how did your narrator become responsible for a bunch of psychiatric patients? I can see them becoming a problem with survival as a group and just think the motivations/doubts of the narrator need to come to the forefront a bit more. I know you are drawing parallels from your own life.
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I don't remember if you addressed it at the beginning, but how did your narrator become responsible for a bunch of psychiatric patients? I can see them becoming a problem with survival as a group and just think the motivations/doubts of the narrator need to come to the forefront a bit more. I know you are drawing parallels from your own life.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This chapter read well and you have drawn all the characters well, so they have come to life. I liked the idea of talking of the defence arsenal, guess in such a scenario, that would be necessary. Good illustration and enjoyable read. Faye
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This chapter read well and you have drawn all the characters well, so they have come to life. I liked the idea of talking of the defence arsenal, guess in such a scenario, that would be necessary. Good illustration and enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
Your group has to make a ruthless choice. It sounds like the group is going feral. But it is not. Johnny knows it is not if these people would hurt someone but when. The group has leaders for special needs, food, armory and such. They are establishing a working society. Great work.
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Your group has to make a ruthless choice. It sounds like the group is going feral. But it is not. Johnny knows it is not if these people would hurt someone but when. The group has leaders for special needs, food, armory and such. They are establishing a working society. Great work.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from ragamuffin
Truly makes one think and consider to what extent logic would impede compassion in an emergency/survival situation. Interesting that faith/religion hasn't been mentioned. Brings up another good point of how much would we still "believe and follow" when push came to shove and our earthly lives were at stake. I'm sure the saints would be less than few. The last "time would tell" line is likely 100% spot on. If one goes, then likely the rest would soon also fall by someone's hand sometime when no one was looking. So easy to recreate the negative (or perhaps necessary?) once the action has been done once. Great study in human nature and introspection.
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Truly makes one think and consider to what extent logic would impede compassion in an emergency/survival situation. Interesting that faith/religion hasn't been mentioned. Brings up another good point of how much would we still "believe and follow" when push came to shove and our earthly lives were at stake. I'm sure the saints would be less than few. The last "time would tell" line is likely 100% spot on. If one goes, then likely the rest would soon also fall by someone's hand sometime when no one was looking. So easy to recreate the negative (or perhaps necessary?) once the action has been done once. Great study in human nature and introspection.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from ProjectBluebook
The drama builds, like molten building in it's core. An explosion is evident and it's clever thinking, don't let others see who does the killing so no one knows? You explain characters in detail, their attributes, skills and corks. I smell something cooking? Could it be body parts slow roasted over a fire? Soon, I feel resources are gonna run dry and since some need to be vanquished, it's chow time! I feel, something bad is on the horizon. You can giggle, you already know Lion King. An Literary Agent would have no problem accepting this. Not much to edit. Only trust (AAR) Agents who don't charge fees. Fees, are a red flag. AAR Literary Agents get their cut after the novel is published but many shy away from new customers, they have their generes. outstanding, Mikey. I wonder, how the killing is gonna take place, will it be a blood bath?
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The drama builds, like molten building in it's core. An explosion is evident and it's clever thinking, don't let others see who does the killing so no one knows? You explain characters in detail, their attributes, skills and corks. I smell something cooking? Could it be body parts slow roasted over a fire? Soon, I feel resources are gonna run dry and since some need to be vanquished, it's chow time! I feel, something bad is on the horizon. You can giggle, you already know Lion King. An Literary Agent would have no problem accepting this. Not much to edit. Only trust (AAR) Agents who don't charge fees. Fees, are a red flag. AAR Literary Agents get their cut after the novel is published but many shy away from new customers, they have their generes. outstanding, Mikey. I wonder, how the killing is gonna take place, will it be a blood bath?
Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from seaglass
Poison mushrooms are a quick death, just sayin'
However, throughout history, if the crisis passes, and democracy and law and order is still out there somewhere. survivors will be tried for murder and have been hung for killing others for survival reasons.
When I supervised in group home care, our promiscuous females were given birth control shots. They are effective for 3 months. Don't know if that matters but otherwise Tonnie is going to get knocked-up.
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Poison mushrooms are a quick death, just sayin'
However, throughout history, if the crisis passes, and democracy and law and order is still out there somewhere. survivors will be tried for murder and have been hung for killing others for survival reasons.
When I supervised in group home care, our promiscuous females were given birth control shots. They are effective for 3 months. Don't know if that matters but otherwise Tonnie is going to get knocked-up.
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Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, I know that this is certainly a life and death scenario, but I get squeamish about the thought of murder. I suppose the shadows of Nazi Germany's superior race complex comes to mind for some strange reason. If you would put a warning on the chapters about that, I would appreciate it and may pass on the read. No offense, I just get way uncomfortable. :0 GracieAnn
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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Mikey, I know that this is certainly a life and death scenario, but I get squeamish about the thought of murder. I suppose the shadows of Nazi Germany's superior race complex comes to mind for some strange reason. If you would put a warning on the chapters about that, I would appreciate it and may pass on the read. No offense, I just get way uncomfortable. :0 GracieAnn
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Comment Written 06-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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I fully understand. I haven't posted the very best story that I have written because of that reason. It was the one about the serial killer that I posted a short outline of a while back. The problem is that the actual killer is rather hideous and not for everyone to read at all. I did put a warning for language and violence on this one. I wonder if it showing up? I know that the warnings are sure not very prominent at all and they aren't very clear about the actual content. I'll try to let you know in advance because there are some chapters that I know you won't want to read. I've actually rewritten some of this as I've posted it as I read it and thought, "That is a bit much, mikey!" Hahaha. Did you know that for the 1 and 2 ratings of language and such they don't even mention it on a post. You have to rate it a three to even have them mention it. That is a flaw that should be addressed. There are kids on the site and everyone should be comfortable with what they read. mikey
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Mikey, I think you have a valid point on the violence and content ratings. Perhaps, it needs to be given to Tom for consideration. I do see the warning atop your write, but it is difficult, as you say, to measure it in degrees currently. X ratings are a whole other story compared to PG-13. LOL I don't propose to be an expert on such things, but I always liked the way movies like Psycho, Signs, The Village etc., forced the reader to imagine what went on. Sometimes that is more suspenseful. Just some thoughts, my friend. :0 GracieAnn
