haiku (teasing leaves scamper)
Haiku36 total reviews
Comment from royowen
A cleverly worded haiku, which gives the appearance of some ambiguity to the "narrative". It has fulfilled all the requirements of this poetic form! A well created work! Blessings, Roy.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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A cleverly worded haiku, which gives the appearance of some ambiguity to the "narrative". It has fulfilled all the requirements of this poetic form! A well created work! Blessings, Roy.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Roy, thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from seaglass
This haiku truly paints a clear picture in the short lines that is allowed. Therefore I gave you a six. the picture presents in well but the message stands a lone.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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This haiku truly paints a clear picture in the short lines that is allowed. Therefore I gave you a six. the picture presents in well but the message stands a lone.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
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Thanks so much for the kind words and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from SLHarper
This haiku takes the idea of a reflection of human behavior in nature one step further by actually attributing human-ish behavior to the "teasing leaves." Beautiful on the ear, this one is: assonance with the ee of, consonance with r and f sounds. I am a bit confused about the possessive in the last line: falls's (?) I think you only need to write fall's, which also preserves the 5 syllable count in that line. Anyway, good luck, once again, in your contest! By the way, congratulations on your 3rd place finish in the "share a story in a poem" contest. It was well-deserved recognition. Yours, Steph
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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This haiku takes the idea of a reflection of human behavior in nature one step further by actually attributing human-ish behavior to the "teasing leaves." Beautiful on the ear, this one is: assonance with the ee of, consonance with r and f sounds. I am a bit confused about the possessive in the last line: falls's (?) I think you only need to write fall's, which also preserves the 5 syllable count in that line. Anyway, good luck, once again, in your contest! By the way, congratulations on your 3rd place finish in the "share a story in a poem" contest. It was well-deserved recognition. Yours, Steph
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Steph for the kind words and the sharp eye for the typo!
The purists don't like the personification - how would I know, I'm not a haikuist!
Steve
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Thanks, Steph for the kind words and the sharp eye for the typo!
The purists don't like the personification - how would I know, I'm not a haikuist!
Steve
Comment from pixie74
Pretty haiku, but you missed one syllable on the middle line. It should be 5,7,5..Right? Well good luck in the contest anyway!
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Pretty haiku, but you missed one syllable on the middle line. It should be 5,7,5..Right? Well good luck in the contest anyway!
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Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Thank you.
I'm guessing you pronounce 'gardener' as two syllables - most dictionaries would say three which is what I've allowed.
Steve
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Thank you.
I'm guessing you pronounce 'gardener' as two syllables - most dictionaries would say three which is what I've allowed.
Steve
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Im sorry, your right, I missed that. I dont mean to critisize, or be mean, but I still think it needs some work.
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I'm happy to be criticised, but you don't actually say what's wrong with it...
Steve
Comment from closetpoetjester
Haha well done Steve...a positively enchanting little entry and I saw the flailing arms and rake and the all too elusive leaves. Having swept up after 55 poplar trees in my teens on a regular basis I can very much relate to this one...thank goodness they finally invented the nifty blower and that sure does sort out the men from the boys when it comes to scattered leaves underfoot! LOL
Great visuals and your haiku certainly paints an apt pic for fall...now go reap the harvest and reign in those leaves. LOL
Cheers P
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Haha well done Steve...a positively enchanting little entry and I saw the flailing arms and rake and the all too elusive leaves. Having swept up after 55 poplar trees in my teens on a regular basis I can very much relate to this one...thank goodness they finally invented the nifty blower and that sure does sort out the men from the boys when it comes to scattered leaves underfoot! LOL
Great visuals and your haiku certainly paints an apt pic for fall...now go reap the harvest and reign in those leaves. LOL
Cheers P
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Yes, we have poplars. No, they're not raining leaves in earnest yet, but not long to go. No, I'm not going to be raking them - that's why I bought a goat - works even better than a blower.
Thanks for the review.
Steve
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Yes, we have poplars. No, they're not raining leaves in earnest yet, but not long to go. No, I'm not going to be raking them - that's why I bought a goat - works even better than a blower.
Thanks for the review.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Wonderfully whimsical. I love the personification (a rule I also often break in haiku) Otherwise, true to form. Imaginative and delightful.
Superb assonance of EA and A
superb consonance of S and L
Superb alliteration of F and G
Superb word economy.
Fine presentation as well with apt image.
Enjoyed!
Warmly, r d
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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Wonderfully whimsical. I love the personification (a rule I also often break in haiku) Otherwise, true to form. Imaginative and delightful.
Superb assonance of EA and A
superb consonance of S and L
Superb alliteration of F and G
Superb word economy.
Fine presentation as well with apt image.
Enjoyed!
Warmly, r d
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Rama
I wasn't even aware that personification was frowned upon, although I know it's no-go in the senryu.
Thanks for the kind words. Let's hope the judges don't care about that particular rule as well.
Steve
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Thanks, Rama
I wasn't even aware that personification was frowned upon, although I know it's no-go in the senryu.
Thanks for the kind words. Let's hope the judges don't care about that particular rule as well.
Steve
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I'm sure they will not care! Hope you do well.
Traditional haiku has many rules most people do not know of unless they study it (like needing a kigo--seasonal word) or having to be in present tense, etc.
I'm not an expert but I did study a bit.
I love using personification in haiku, though...so those who think I'm rigid with rules do not know me well! *wink*
Love, rd
