Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

Steve,

When the wind blows, those leaves flip and fly, and really do tease us in our 'not always successful effort' to get them all raked up. Loved your use of the words "teasing", "scamper" and "flailing".

Fall would be very welcome right now, as this long arctic blast has me very weary of winter.

An excellent entry for the contest Steve! Best wishes.

Connie

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Connie - I have a few reviews from people mentioning your hard winter - we are hoping autumn brings some much-needed rain.

Steve

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Very well done, kiwisteveh. I enjoyed the imagery you create in this one, and fall certainly is a time for transition, where Mother Nature is concerned. I'll take the fall season and temperatures any day, compared with what Old Man Winter has to offer up.

Great haiku, I hope you do very well in the contest.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Dean.

A few reviewers have mentioned your hard winter - hope spring shows its face soon!

Steve

Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

A lovely autumnal haiku for the contest entry. You have personified the autumn leaves 'teasing leaves scamper' and also autumn in 'fall's golden playthings' good metaphor in golden playthings. Good luck in the contest. Regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Dorothy - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from juliaSjames

Excellent

Fine concept. I can relate.

It is a haiku by the relaxed standards of the contest. But I think "teasing" is too blatant personification. You're wordsmith enough to find a more appropriate adjective, Steve. Rustling is cliche, I admit. But there must be others that convey the sound of excited laughter.

On the other hand, scamper and flailing are excellent verbs, conveying the frustration of raking in an autumn breeze and reminding me of the way my grandkids turn getting dressed for preschool into a game. LOL

Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Well you caught me - I'm no haikuist - so sue me for my personification. Actually, if I had to argue a case I would say that teasing doesn't constitute personification at all - a noise could be teasing perhaps, or a worry... But I might not get away with saying fall has playthings! :o)

I guess I'll have to depend on the judges being as relaxed as the 'rules'

Steve

reply by juliaSjames on 05-Mar-2014

LOL

I agree that personification is dependent on context. Back in the day, we ladies used to "tease" our hair.

Satori line is fine - just poetic contraction of a longer sentence, "The golden things one plays with during the fall."

Alvin, God rest his soul, subscribed to the Japanese (Buddhist?) concept that one shouldn't ascribe human characteristics to objects in nature - it's disrespectful. But as you point out, there's plenty of wiggle room. That's the beauty of language.

Sorry for rambling on. Effect of Alvin's passing, I suppose.

Comment from N.K. Wagner

Excellent

I'm going to presume here, Steve. If leaves are animate and scampering, should they be "playmates" rather than "playthings"? Just wonderin' :D Nancy

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Nancy.

Good point!

In any case, I'm being chastised by the purists for using personification at all...

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Yipes! Considering it's a robust 0 degrees F here, even Falls sounds good to me. Though raking leaves ranks right below toilet snaking on my list of pleasures.

I do like your playfulness here. Scamper and flailing are strong desriptive words, creating a vivid picture of the action.

Good luck, Steve. Ooops, this isn't a contest. I just assumed.

Sorry about your story/poem, but I didn't even place.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Lee.

You had me going there with the contest thing.... I think they've just moved that particular piece of information to below the piece.

Steve

Comment from twinklepoems

Excellent

seasonal reference to fall, enjambament between first and second line. I like the image of leaves teasing and scampering. Playing with fall's golden playthings.

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Debra White

Excellent

Nice haiku Steve :)
I relate. I feel like the leaves laugh at me as I try to gather them up, rake a flailing! Actually, are us gardeners Fall's playthings?!
Nicely done, good luck in the contest, kindest regards as always, Debra :)

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Debra.

Would have been good to have that ambiguity as to whether it was the leaves or the gardeners who were the playthings....

Steve

Comment from rouskin

Excellent

I can't rate this as a Haiku because it is not but I enjoyed reading your 5/7/5 well written piece Thanks for sharing and have a great week

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

So, I'm guessing you don't rate this as a haiku because I've used personification - I can only plead that I followed the rules for this particular contest.

Thanks for the five stars.

Steve

reply by rouskin on 05-Mar-2014

Nice poem Well deserved rating
Best of luck and be blessed

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Dammit. I was just reading your opening line when a mouse ran under my chair! It seems that your autumn leaves are not the only things scampering this autumn! 'Teasing leaves scamper' has an onomatopoeic quality to it. Such a lovely word, don't you think? Thank God for spell checker!

 Comment Written 04-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 05-Mar-2014

Thanks, Tony.

We are having mouse trouble at the moment too - damn beast keeps taking the bait without setting off the trap, although both the cat (useless) and my clumsy fingers have managed to trip it just fine!

The purists think scamper is too personificative for a haiku - oh, look, spell checker doesn't like that one - should it have been personificatory?

Steve

reply by tfawcus on 05-Mar-2014

I'm told that peanut butter is the ultimate bait. They like it but can't take it all off at the same time.
Personifiant perhaps...