The Woman in Red
Fatal Beauty34 total reviews
Comment from pbroussard209
Great story, what would you do indeed, you mastered the prompt very well, and there goes that crazy imagination of yours again. You really are a master story teller. good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Great story, what would you do indeed, you mastered the prompt very well, and there goes that crazy imagination of yours again. You really are a master story teller. good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. Not a master, but maybe when I'm 80.
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By 80 you will be a legend
Comment from Joe Hudson
This was a great read! It moves along, doesn't dawdle over any one point and is well written. I loved the surprise when the safe blew up in her face....was expecting anything like that. Very well written and deserving of six stars! Joe
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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This was a great read! It moves along, doesn't dawdle over any one point and is well written. I loved the surprise when the safe blew up in her face....was expecting anything like that. Very well written and deserving of six stars! Joe
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. I appreciate the great review.
JW
Comment from michaelcahill
If you can hide things and surprise a fellow writer that is looking for surprises than you are doing something right. I didn't see it coming at all. Well done. This was a great story that captivated me right away. Excellent believable dialogue that was smart and funny, but never over the top to where it was silly. A great entry. I doubt anyone will beat it. One more to read. Then vote. Well done, mikey
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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If you can hide things and surprise a fellow writer that is looking for surprises than you are doing something right. I didn't see it coming at all. Well done. This was a great story that captivated me right away. Excellent believable dialogue that was smart and funny, but never over the top to where it was silly. A great entry. I doubt anyone will beat it. One more to read. Then vote. Well done, mikey
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Mikey. I thought you would have entered into this one. The prompt fit your style. There is a revenge prompt that looks interesting.
JW
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I'm so behind that I can't see straight. This was killer anyway. You would have thrashed me!!!
Comment from mfowler
It's good that you spent time asserting what a 'good member'of the detective fraternity looks like. Your detective gives chauvinism a good nudge in this clever, engaging and all too funny story about the tied up detective. Your femme fatale's flirtatious and murderous persona is really nicely rendered, and when her pretty mug is blown to bits, it's all a bit surprising and distressing, considering what I'd been thinking about her. This is a great piece of flash. Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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It's good that you spent time asserting what a 'good member'of the detective fraternity looks like. Your detective gives chauvinism a good nudge in this clever, engaging and all too funny story about the tied up detective. Your femme fatale's flirtatious and murderous persona is really nicely rendered, and when her pretty mug is blown to bits, it's all a bit surprising and distressing, considering what I'd been thinking about her. This is a great piece of flash. Good luck.
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much.
Comment from comanalbert
I will watch out for you in the contest, you deserve my vote at least. Do you plan to turn this into a novel? It is more than worth it, especially if the woman remains his permanent enemy....
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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I will watch out for you in the contest, you deserve my vote at least. Do you plan to turn this into a novel? It is more than worth it, especially if the woman remains his permanent enemy....
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. I don't know. A novel is something I will have to think about. I did leave an unknown enemy out there.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Bravo! This is a superbly conceived and written piece. I plan to vote for you just as soon as I click SAVE. Good luck in the contest. :)
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Bravo! This is a superbly conceived and written piece. I plan to vote for you just as soon as I click SAVE. Good luck in the contest. :)
Comment Written 03-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. I appreciate the great review and the support.
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Hey! I see my vote put you over the top, 11 to a second place 10. You owe me a dinner now. LOL! Seriously, glad you won. That second place entry was nowhere NEAR the quality and cleverness of yours.
Comment from James Chaima Phiri
I took my time as I read this story. It is a fascinating master piece. The woman in red was truly sophisticated. It was clear that she was winning the game. However, the Detective was experienced and had an ace up his sleeve. He played his cards well. I wish you the best in the contest.
Kindly check if this part needs editing or not:
.It wasn't my best to (be) sure but I expected...
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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I took my time as I read this story. It is a fascinating master piece. The woman in red was truly sophisticated. It was clear that she was winning the game. However, the Detective was experienced and had an ace up his sleeve. He played his cards well. I wish you the best in the contest.
Kindly check if this part needs editing or not:
.It wasn't my best to (be) sure but I expected...
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 03-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much. I always seem to miss a word. I appreciate your careful reading. It helps a great deal.
JW
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Lance. Pretty good shot at this contest. Some of your imagery is superb.
Like: "She turned and walked back to the sofa. Like a trained puppy my eyes followed the rhythmic sway of her hips as she glided away. The woman was clearly too perfect to be natural. I suspected a rich benefactor had paid for man to enhance what nature began.
Some of your wit is refreshing. However, some of the writing is a stretch. Like the opening similie regarding a drum set and the kid's ears. Not too good...especially for an opener. In fact the next line: "my tongue was coated with something I didn't want to identify" is not realistic.
I would have the guy looking at the broad affright after he discovered he was tied up...then move forward with his feelings.
Also, the similie about "a happy lover" isn't very good, I'm afraid.
And as far as being "rude" ??? No shit. If I was tied up I sure wouldn't be worried about being rude. LOL
I wish yopu the best of luck in the contest. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Hi, Lance. Pretty good shot at this contest. Some of your imagery is superb.
Like: "She turned and walked back to the sofa. Like a trained puppy my eyes followed the rhythmic sway of her hips as she glided away. The woman was clearly too perfect to be natural. I suspected a rich benefactor had paid for man to enhance what nature began.
Some of your wit is refreshing. However, some of the writing is a stretch. Like the opening similie regarding a drum set and the kid's ears. Not too good...especially for an opener. In fact the next line: "my tongue was coated with something I didn't want to identify" is not realistic.
I would have the guy looking at the broad affright after he discovered he was tied up...then move forward with his feelings.
Also, the similie about "a happy lover" isn't very good, I'm afraid.
And as far as being "rude" ??? No shit. If I was tied up I sure wouldn't be worried about being rude. LOL
I wish yopu the best of luck in the contest. Bob
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you, Bob. It's been awhile. I thank you for letting me know how you would have written such a tale.
Comment from TheWriteTeach
This is very well written. It flows well from start to finish. Everything you wrote moves the story forward, and it does not slow or stall out. There is not excess verbiage that needs to be trimmed. The dialogue is believable, not forced. I like the writing voice in this piece. It is reminiscent of the old black and white detective stories on TV narrated by the detective. You write very well.
The story is presented very well. You did a great job of hiding the exploding safe until the last minute. You didn't give the reader a hint of what was to come. It was a great twist at the end. Especially when it looked like Detective Durant was surely to meet his demise. I especially liked the way you had Durant handle the whole situation in the last line. The character made the whole episode sound as though it wasn't a big deal, water off a duck's back.
Good luck in the contest. I think this will be a contender for sure. Nice job.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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This is very well written. It flows well from start to finish. Everything you wrote moves the story forward, and it does not slow or stall out. There is not excess verbiage that needs to be trimmed. The dialogue is believable, not forced. I like the writing voice in this piece. It is reminiscent of the old black and white detective stories on TV narrated by the detective. You write very well.
The story is presented very well. You did a great job of hiding the exploding safe until the last minute. You didn't give the reader a hint of what was to come. It was a great twist at the end. Especially when it looked like Detective Durant was surely to meet his demise. I especially liked the way you had Durant handle the whole situation in the last line. The character made the whole episode sound as though it wasn't a big deal, water off a duck's back.
Good luck in the contest. I think this will be a contender for sure. Nice job.
Suzanne
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much, Suzanne. It was a good prompt, and inspired many of us. I give the contest creator major props for coming up with a good idea. I really appreciate the great review.
JW
Comment from DonandVicki
A very good mystery story. I like the way that you hold the readers attention with your excellent character development. Nice sexy photo to enhance your work. Don and Vicki
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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A very good mystery story. I like the way that you hold the readers attention with your excellent character development. Nice sexy photo to enhance your work. Don and Vicki
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you very much.
