Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Dreams, Outbursts and Johnny Cakes"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
22 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is good, and the dream has explained well enough what has happened. They could head for the Pacific NW if they like, but wherever they are, they will have to survive off the land eventually.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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This is good, and the dream has explained well enough what has happened. They could head for the Pacific NW if they like, but wherever they are, they will have to survive off the land eventually.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Yes, that is going to be a factor before long. The mental patients are bound to be a liability too. Glad you are following along. Thank you, mikey
Comment from l.raven
OMG Michael, Johnny cakes...with Johnny in them...ekkkkkk... by the way ...I want Linda to be a warrior...a weight lifter...strong like bull...I am a Taurus...Oh just humor me here...LOL...loving it...very well written...one thing about your stories...once you start reading them you want to stay with them...Next!!!Luff Linda xxoo hugs
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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OMG Michael, Johnny cakes...with Johnny in them...ekkkkkk... by the way ...I want Linda to be a warrior...a weight lifter...strong like bull...I am a Taurus...Oh just humor me here...LOL...loving it...very well written...one thing about your stories...once you start reading them you want to stay with them...Next!!!Luff Linda xxoo hugs
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Okay. Linda superstar it is! That makes me smile that you want to keep reading. A good sign. Big smiles!! mikey
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smiles back ay ya...just call me superstar...LOL...
Comment from Janie King
I guess I've missed some of this. it sounds like you're using the concept of the end of time, especially with the dream being as it was. Good job. God loves you and I do too. Would you mind reading "Striking Back in my Own Way." It's Krystal's story. She lacks one review having ALL Times Best and that is real important emotionally to her. Mom was sick and I didn't get to promote that piece as much as I should have. Thanks a million. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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I guess I've missed some of this. it sounds like you're using the concept of the end of time, especially with the dream being as it was. Good job. God loves you and I do too. Would you mind reading "Striking Back in my Own Way." It's Krystal's story. She lacks one review having ALL Times Best and that is real important emotionally to her. Mom was sick and I didn't get to promote that piece as much as I should have. Thanks a million. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the wonderful review. Glad you enjoyed. Went over and reviewed your chapter. Wonderfully written and heart wrenching. But, she is telling her story so that is a call to rejoice. Blessings, mikey
Comment from nancy_e_davis
It's not moving forward in my opinion. Too much talk and not enough action. I am with your characters, you need to make a plan and quit talking about the situation over and over. Just my opinion.
Hugs. Nancy
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It's not moving forward in my opinion. Too much talk and not enough action. I am with your characters, you need to make a plan and quit talking about the situation over and over. Just my opinion.
Hugs. Nancy
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the chapter. I love the humor. Johnny cakes would probably have little fat. You are trying to gain prospective. It does not matter how it happened as much as what happened. You know the sky is messed up and there are gases that kill. Plus, you have to find a new food source. You need permanent and protect able shelter. You have some people who may become a danger to themselves or others. It is a lot of things to plan for. Great work.
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I love the chapter. I love the humor. Johnny cakes would probably have little fat. You are trying to gain prospective. It does not matter how it happened as much as what happened. You know the sky is messed up and there are gases that kill. Plus, you have to find a new food source. You need permanent and protect able shelter. You have some people who may become a danger to themselves or others. It is a lot of things to plan for. Great work.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
Comment from Marillion
Great closing line, Mikey. :) I do, however, hope that your first person story won't end as he's being gobbled up by a mental patient. A bit of a bridge chapter, I think, as it accomplished getting them from wondering what happened to realizing that they just need to look at their own reality and decide what to do.
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Great closing line, Mikey. :) I do, however, hope that your first person story won't end as he's being gobbled up by a mental patient. A bit of a bridge chapter, I think, as it accomplished getting them from wondering what happened to realizing that they just need to look at their own reality and decide what to do.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
Comment from Sasha
You don't have to drop a bombshell in every chapter. This one was just fine. I have only one nit for your to look at:
"If I may Mr. Chairman Both Alaska and Hawaii as well as Puerto Rico and several other islands under our protectorship are unaffected by recent events...where is the question?
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You don't have to drop a bombshell in every chapter. This one was just fine. I have only one nit for your to look at:
"If I may Mr. Chairman Both Alaska and Hawaii as well as Puerto Rico and several other islands under our protectorship are unaffected by recent events...where is the question?
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
Comment from Nosha17
This chapter gives more insight into the global situation by means of the dream. Good narrative and descriptions with well drawn characters. Looks like it's going to be quite an epic. Enjoyable read. Faye
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This chapter gives more insight into the global situation by means of the dream. Good narrative and descriptions with well drawn characters. Looks like it's going to be quite an epic. Enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
Comment from ragamuffin
Some very excellent points made on the situation. Likely quite a spot on description of the different takes on the situation. A very interesting tale and observation of human nature for sure.
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Some very excellent points made on the situation. Likely quite a spot on description of the different takes on the situation. A very interesting tale and observation of human nature for sure.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
You have done a great job showing the different characters, and sharing their emotions through dialogue. Jennifer's outburst is well shown, and a true emotional state she'd be in after going through such a difficult ordeal of losing a child.
One note.:)
Being in such a situation, the group would be exploring, using all their skills of survival to ensure they had what's needed for the time being. They would be riddled with fear, panic, and other emotions. You open up with telling a story, dream as an entertainment for the group.
This can work, but I'd consider re-wording entertainment. You can keep the entire vision Johnny shares, but tweak it from a different perspective.
For example: I awakened in a cold sweat, the dream so real, surly it happened. Waking the others, I shared what happened. They listened with curiosity to my dream, some shivered, others shook heads, all intent and hanging off my every word.
This is just a lame example, but changes the feel to more of the unknown. This group of thirteen are living in the unknown. Most in such a situation would be sleeping in bits and spurts, restless and scared. Dreams become more vivid as we try to make sense of our surroundings.
Mikey, these are just suggestions. Please compare with other reviews. I look forward to reading your next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Hi, Mikey.
You have done a great job showing the different characters, and sharing their emotions through dialogue. Jennifer's outburst is well shown, and a true emotional state she'd be in after going through such a difficult ordeal of losing a child.
One note.:)
Being in such a situation, the group would be exploring, using all their skills of survival to ensure they had what's needed for the time being. They would be riddled with fear, panic, and other emotions. You open up with telling a story, dream as an entertainment for the group.
This can work, but I'd consider re-wording entertainment. You can keep the entire vision Johnny shares, but tweak it from a different perspective.
For example: I awakened in a cold sweat, the dream so real, surly it happened. Waking the others, I shared what happened. They listened with curiosity to my dream, some shivered, others shook heads, all intent and hanging off my every word.
This is just a lame example, but changes the feel to more of the unknown. This group of thirteen are living in the unknown. Most in such a situation would be sleeping in bits and spurts, restless and scared. Dreams become more vivid as we try to make sense of our surroundings.
Mikey, these are just suggestions. Please compare with other reviews. I look forward to reading your next chapter.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
