Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Speculation & Strategy"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
20 total reviews
Comment from Tatarka2
This is so intriguing, and well-told. I can't wait to see what happens next. What's wrong with Jennifer? I loved the way Johnny psyched Carlos out. This will be thrilling told as a psychological mystery as well as an actual mystery (the catastrophic event, how the group will survive, etc.) Excellent work, I think.
  |
This is so intriguing, and well-told. I can't wait to see what happens next. What's wrong with Jennifer? I loved the way Johnny psyched Carlos out. This will be thrilling told as a psychological mystery as well as an actual mystery (the catastrophic event, how the group will survive, etc.) Excellent work, I think.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from Petriesan
You have a good talent for summarizing what went before and setting up the current installment. . .
did you go tot he serial movies as a kid?
well written. ( I did not read for spags as I am trying to get my act together sufficiently to go on holiday)
|
You have a good talent for summarizing what went before and setting up the current installment. . .
did you go tot he serial movies as a kid?
well written. ( I did not read for spags as I am trying to get my act together sufficiently to go on holiday)
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from 24chas
I like the way you are developing the characters and we are learning more about them which is great. Nice narration and dialogue as well. Still like the pacing.
|
I like the way you are developing the characters and we are learning more about them which is great. Nice narration and dialogue as well. Still like the pacing.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
That was a good place to stop Michael. Keep us interested.
Hopefully that will be the only explosion they will have to face but only the devastation as a result of the first one.
One correction>They were still having there[their] discussion.
Good Job. Nancy
|
That was a good place to stop Michael. Keep us interested.
Hopefully that will be the only explosion they will have to face but only the devastation as a result of the first one.
One correction>They were still having there[their] discussion.
Good Job. Nancy
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from Nosha17
Guess, where humans are involved there is always going to be a complainer, not recognising the fact that they should be happy to be alive. These things always get in the way of making plans in a group. It is like being on a desert island with no hope of being rescued. The contingency plans and discussions regarding food for the group is like you wrote an important part which I am sure you are going to elaborate on. Good use of language in the narrative and descriptions. Well-written and enjoyable read. Faye
|
Guess, where humans are involved there is always going to be a complainer, not recognising the fact that they should be happy to be alive. These things always get in the way of making plans in a group. It is like being on a desert island with no hope of being rescued. The contingency plans and discussions regarding food for the group is like you wrote an important part which I am sure you are going to elaborate on. Good use of language in the narrative and descriptions. Well-written and enjoyable read. Faye
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. The shock is wearing off. People are beginning to worry about their situation. They are trying to make plans. Dealing with the mental ill has its problems but it can be a help in a disaster. They have basis needs to be satisfied but they do not expect the higher levels normal people may strive for. They may adapt to extreme changes better. Great work.
|
I love the story. The shock is wearing off. People are beginning to worry about their situation. They are trying to make plans. Dealing with the mental ill has its problems but it can be a help in a disaster. They have basis needs to be satisfied but they do not expect the higher levels normal people may strive for. They may adapt to extreme changes better. Great work.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Again, well done. What has Jennifer found? I love the ending with her simple NO.
They were still having there discussion.
THEIR, not THERE
|
Again, well done. What has Jennifer found? I love the ending with her simple NO.
They were still having there discussion.
THEIR, not THERE
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from Michaelk
Very solid chapter. This sounds more like a group of people who are in an apocalypse. Scared, confused, fighting to make sense of things. I was confused at your first paragraph until I went back and re-read the end of last chapter. Maybe you could throw in a sentence or two, as a reminder. Something like, "yes Rhonda, Georgie Porgie was a real person." I said, rolling my eyes. This made the group go into even bigger convulsions of laughter.
Something like that as a brief reminder. I did catch a little SPAG. Something like a 'there' instead of 'their' and a couple others. I'm sure if you go back over it, you'll find it. I liked that the caregivers are already recognizing that they need to step up and lead. I also had a 'light bulb' moment when they were checking out the body that had the crow on it. Remember how coal miners used to have a live parakeet in a cage down in the mines? They knew if the bird died, that they needed to get out. What if your survivors did the same thing? Somewhere along the way, they go into a house and find a bird in a cage, take it along, and use it as a Geiger counter for the deadly gas. It could even cause more tension if one of the group becomes attached to it, and it eventually dies.
Just sayin'. Sorry to get off topic like that. Good chapter. Keep it going.
|
Very solid chapter. This sounds more like a group of people who are in an apocalypse. Scared, confused, fighting to make sense of things. I was confused at your first paragraph until I went back and re-read the end of last chapter. Maybe you could throw in a sentence or two, as a reminder. Something like, "yes Rhonda, Georgie Porgie was a real person." I said, rolling my eyes. This made the group go into even bigger convulsions of laughter.
Something like that as a brief reminder. I did catch a little SPAG. Something like a 'there' instead of 'their' and a couple others. I'm sure if you go back over it, you'll find it. I liked that the caregivers are already recognizing that they need to step up and lead. I also had a 'light bulb' moment when they were checking out the body that had the crow on it. Remember how coal miners used to have a live parakeet in a cage down in the mines? They knew if the bird died, that they needed to get out. What if your survivors did the same thing? Somewhere along the way, they go into a house and find a bird in a cage, take it along, and use it as a Geiger counter for the deadly gas. It could even cause more tension if one of the group becomes attached to it, and it eventually dies.
Just sayin'. Sorry to get off topic like that. Good chapter. Keep it going.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from DonandVicki
Good read as always.You have a good sense of character development and a knack for holding the readers attention all the way through your story. I loved it. Don
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
Good read as always.You have a good sense of character development and a knack for holding the readers attention all the way through your story. I loved it. Don
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
Comment from seaglass
I believe it was a meteor, like the one that destroyed the dinosaurs. Boy, do I relate to this situation. Once the meds are used up, there will be episodes, seizures, diabetic comas. I would start halving the medications to make it last or at least to fade them off gently. Will be interesting to see how it turns out. Maybe these broken people will surprise me and draw on primal strength and instinct. The business guy will be a weight. They panic when they can't work the problem out on paper. We will see.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
|
I believe it was a meteor, like the one that destroyed the dinosaurs. Boy, do I relate to this situation. Once the meds are used up, there will be episodes, seizures, diabetic comas. I would start halving the medications to make it last or at least to fade them off gently. Will be interesting to see how it turns out. Maybe these broken people will surprise me and draw on primal strength and instinct. The business guy will be a weight. They panic when they can't work the problem out on paper. We will see.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-Feb-2014
