Yosemite
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "A Stampede & Georgie Porgie"Acts of war have plunged Earth into catastrophe.
25 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Well, it kind-of is a true story. We are all Georgies feeding off the planet and earth can't keep our voracious appetite sated forever... keep the cause of all the destruction mysterious, as if the earth is just saying , "enough!"
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Well, it kind-of is a true story. We are all Georgies feeding off the planet and earth can't keep our voracious appetite sated forever... keep the cause of all the destruction mysterious, as if the earth is just saying , "enough!"
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Good advice. I will keep it a mystery. I get lost if it gets technical, so I avoid it. I expect when something like this happens that the reason will be impossible to really be figured out. mikey
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Your method of writing a story, by being in the story as a writer works really well. The story is captivating, I even want to know if Georgie and his family Did move to Pittsburgh! There are loads of elements in your story, which I am sure will be explained as we move along in the story. Really good read, this one, Mikey. Looking forward to the next part. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Your method of writing a story, by being in the story as a writer works really well. The story is captivating, I even want to know if Georgie and his family Did move to Pittsburgh! There are loads of elements in your story, which I am sure will be explained as we move along in the story. Really good read, this one, Mikey. Looking forward to the next part. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Maybe I'll pick up Georgie's story at another campfire. I actually had a great story in this spot, but I posted it a while back by itself so I had to put something else in its place. Glad you are liking it. Getting good advice which is changing it as I write it. Hahaha. Thank you so much, mikey
Comment from robina1978
They were scared already but did not know why. Then the sky exploded and all the people and wildlife ran for their life. Only some survived this disaster.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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They were scared already but did not know why. Then the sky exploded and all the people and wildlife ran for their life. Only some survived this disaster.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Hi. Glad you are following along. You are on the money. Happy it is all clear so far!
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. Things you used to take for granted are no longer around. You do not know if you will ever have again. You are not trying to set down a permanent routine. You do not know if anything will ever be permanent again. You do not feel like picking up things you used to do in the past. Great work.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I love the story. Things you used to take for granted are no longer around. You do not know if you will ever have again. You are not trying to set down a permanent routine. You do not know if anything will ever be permanent again. You do not feel like picking up things you used to do in the past. Great work.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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You seem to pick up on everything that I hope people will notice!! Thank you. Glad you are enjoying. More to come, mikey
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Mikey.
This book is exciting, a dystopian story that shows great visuals and the shift from life of what was to now. Excellent description of the landscape, the birds(very sad) falling out of the sky and the number of casualties. This is a perfect way to create a awe moment of stunned unexpected changes.
I have a couple of suggestions:) Please compare with others.:)
I like that you are bringing in the internal thoughts reflecting how in an instant the world changed. One minute he is gathered around the stage, enjoying the concert and the next a cataclysmic change.
Here is my suggestions: You can show this in several ways, one like you have internal thought, which works well.
The other suggestion is to have the main character and one other person walking together having a conversation. They are both shocked by the amount of damage and devastation, comparing a life of ease only hours ago.
One last suggestion is to have the main character return to the campsite after walking alone, and shares his findings. In doing this, you can bring in dialogue and other characters.
By bringing in dialogue, you can show reactions from others, fear, shock, curiosity, panic, etc. They can all reminisce about what was.
The main character, the leader, then can go into the movie helping to bring calmness to the group and a welcomed relief, or distraction from the surrounding devastation.
Mikey, these are just suggestions, and please, toss any and all aside. You have an exciting story, one that is a super hot genre right now. Looking forward to the next chapter.
If curious, there are a few excellent dystopian novels that are great reads. (Adult reads) Cormack McCarthy: The Road, Margaret Atwood: Oryx and Crake. (YA read) Susan Beth Pfeffer: Life as we Knew It. These three books are great representations of the dystopian landscape.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Hi, Mikey.
This book is exciting, a dystopian story that shows great visuals and the shift from life of what was to now. Excellent description of the landscape, the birds(very sad) falling out of the sky and the number of casualties. This is a perfect way to create a awe moment of stunned unexpected changes.
I have a couple of suggestions:) Please compare with others.:)
I like that you are bringing in the internal thoughts reflecting how in an instant the world changed. One minute he is gathered around the stage, enjoying the concert and the next a cataclysmic change.
Here is my suggestions: You can show this in several ways, one like you have internal thought, which works well.
The other suggestion is to have the main character and one other person walking together having a conversation. They are both shocked by the amount of damage and devastation, comparing a life of ease only hours ago.
One last suggestion is to have the main character return to the campsite after walking alone, and shares his findings. In doing this, you can bring in dialogue and other characters.
By bringing in dialogue, you can show reactions from others, fear, shock, curiosity, panic, etc. They can all reminisce about what was.
The main character, the leader, then can go into the movie helping to bring calmness to the group and a welcomed relief, or distraction from the surrounding devastation.
Mikey, these are just suggestions, and please, toss any and all aside. You have an exciting story, one that is a super hot genre right now. Looking forward to the next chapter.
If curious, there are a few excellent dystopian novels that are great reads. (Adult reads) Cormack McCarthy: The Road, Margaret Atwood: Oryx and Crake. (YA read) Susan Beth Pfeffer: Life as we Knew It. These three books are great representations of the dystopian landscape.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I become so focused on certain aspects that I have a tendency to ignore other equally important ones. For instance, everything that you are mentioning here. Thank you for these excellent suggestions. I'll start addressing these right away and keep them in mind. My finished story is suddenly no where near so. Hahaha. That is what I am used to anyway. mikey
Comment from Sasha
this is moving along very nicely. It made me stop and wonder what I would do in a similar situation. I guess I would just go with the flow...if there was one. How you will react to something that you have never experienced can never be known until you are faced with it. Great work with this one and I anxiously look forward to reading the next chapter.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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this is moving along very nicely. It made me stop and wonder what I would do in a similar situation. I guess I would just go with the flow...if there was one. How you will react to something that you have never experienced can never be known until you are faced with it. Great work with this one and I anxiously look forward to reading the next chapter.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I'm a go with the flow type too although I usually end up in charge somehow. Glad you are liking this. It is proving to be not as finished as I thought. I seem to be adding more than I had to begin with. mikey
Comment from ragamuffin
Looking forward to the next chapter. Liked the way this ended on a note of humor- "Is this a true story?" Your story makes one wonder; lakes and rivers catch on fire, why couldn't the sky.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Looking forward to the next chapter. Liked the way this ended on a note of humor- "Is this a true story?" Your story makes one wonder; lakes and rivers catch on fire, why couldn't the sky.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I always have a vision of stars forming in my head when I think of all the chemicals we introduce in the atmosphere. I had one of our clients ask if Independence Day was a true story. Too funny. mikey
Comment from Petriesan
play the sound on a DVD so; we have - semi colon is misplaced? also, is this true that a CD player will play the sound on a dvd?
guitar with me but, no desire - comma misplaced?
good chapter
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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play the sound on a DVD so; we have - semi colon is misplaced? also, is this true that a CD player will play the sound on a dvd?
guitar with me but, no desire - comma misplaced?
good chapter
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Now that you mention it, I don't know. I think there are more expensive one's that will, but not cheaper ones. You're right on the punctuation. Good eyes. Thank you. mikey
Comment from 24chas
I like the pacing you have with this story so far. This chapter was really good. I got a real sense of these people and what's going on in this strange new world.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I like the pacing you have with this story so far. This chapter was really good. I got a real sense of these people and what's going on in this strange new world.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Cool. Trying not to rush. I always have a tendency to want to rush to the next piece. mikey
Comment from adewpearl
sound on a DVD so; - the semicolon should be before SO, not after it
we are stranded here, and - add comma
set to play, and the opening acts - add comma
audience participation numbers, - add comma
dramatic depiction of the sky's exploding
that is what I fell like writing - felt
the cities pie revenues - city's
where they were not wanted, - add comma
Brooke
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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sound on a DVD so; - the semicolon should be before SO, not after it
we are stranded here, and - add comma
set to play, and the opening acts - add comma
audience participation numbers, - add comma
dramatic depiction of the sky's exploding
that is what I fell like writing - felt
the cities pie revenues - city's
where they were not wanted, - add comma
Brooke
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much. I need to slow down. I should have caught some of those. mikey
