Face Off
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "We have a plan"A Whole New Identity
14 total reviews
Comment from lindalcreel
I knew it was one of the brothers. I have a feeling that someone is going to die and I can only pray that it's Ari. I would like her to have the opportunity to tell her brother what a POS he is. But we'll have to see how it all pans out.
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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I knew it was one of the brothers. I have a feeling that someone is going to die and I can only pray that it's Ari. I would like her to have the opportunity to tell her brother what a POS he is. But we'll have to see how it all pans out.
Comment Written 27-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Hamid the Horrible! Is that a riot or what? I laughed all over myself at that one. And yes, we're going to see a couple of folks bite the dust before this one ends.
Thanks so much, Linda, for the fine comments, so appreciated,
Hugs,
Gayle
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My pleasure!
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Excellent chapter. The descriptive narrative of Rex's reaction to Julia's voice was superb. I not only saw him inching in closer to her to protect her from harm, but I also heard his tiny whimpers of concern and anxiety. You built the tension well in Julia's one-sided conversation with her father. I got scared myself with news of Ari being so close to her. I liked that Edward and her father have a plan to get rid of Ari, but common sense tells me there will be complications and Ari will still remain a threat to Julia.
This flowed well, nothing tripped me up, the dialogue was believable, and the icing on the cake - there was a dog in the scene. It was very well written.
Some missing commas:
His training kicked in[,] and he pushed his emotions away and listened to her words.
He tormented me from the moment I was born[,] and it became apparent that my father favored me
I took the stick to Papa[,] and he had Hamid thrashed.
You did a great job with this chapter. It was a page turner for sure.
Suzanne
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Excellent chapter. The descriptive narrative of Rex's reaction to Julia's voice was superb. I not only saw him inching in closer to her to protect her from harm, but I also heard his tiny whimpers of concern and anxiety. You built the tension well in Julia's one-sided conversation with her father. I got scared myself with news of Ari being so close to her. I liked that Edward and her father have a plan to get rid of Ari, but common sense tells me there will be complications and Ari will still remain a threat to Julia.
This flowed well, nothing tripped me up, the dialogue was believable, and the icing on the cake - there was a dog in the scene. It was very well written.
Some missing commas:
His training kicked in[,] and he pushed his emotions away and listened to her words.
He tormented me from the moment I was born[,] and it became apparent that my father favored me
I took the stick to Papa[,] and he had Hamid thrashed.
You did a great job with this chapter. It was a page turner for sure.
Suzanne
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 27-Feb-2014
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Hi Suz, see, this one was just fine! I don't know what happened to the other one.
I'm so glad you liked this one and I'll get those commas adjusted. Thanks so much for the great comments and edits.
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, my heart is in my mouth already. You have done a good job of building up the tension, and of building up Julia's defences with Brad and the dog. There's plenty of imagery to excite the reader. Gayle
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Oh, my heart is in my mouth already. You have done a good job of building up the tension, and of building up Julia's defences with Brad and the dog. There's plenty of imagery to excite the reader. Gayle
Comment Written 26-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Good one, huh? I really had fun writing this one. So glad you liked it. I'm so appreciative of your comments and thank you so much for your support.
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
Comment from Writingfundimension
I'm always so impressed with the way you stay on track with your novels, Gayle. One chapter moves seamlessly into the other. Something I need to learn how to do a lot better LOL. The picture of the Dobie is awesome. And you've actually gotten me to have a lot of respect for a breed that I'd previously been afraid of. That in itself has been a joy, as is reading from Rex's POV! I have to give you a virtual six, my friend. Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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I'm always so impressed with the way you stay on track with your novels, Gayle. One chapter moves seamlessly into the other. Something I need to learn how to do a lot better LOL. The picture of the Dobie is awesome. And you've actually gotten me to have a lot of respect for a breed that I'd previously been afraid of. That in itself has been a joy, as is reading from Rex's POV! I have to give you a virtual six, my friend. Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Oh, they're just wonderful, Bev. Sweet beyond words and strong as an ox. Not for elderly or little kids, but for bigger kids on up, they're great and as protective as you can want. The more athletic you are, the better. They get on well with horses, they love to jog, anything active. Plus, they're drop dead gorgeous, at least to me.
So glad you liked this one, my friend, and virtual sixers are always as good to me as the real thing, especially from such a special friend.
Hugs and thanks,
Gayle
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What a visual that gave me: A dobie and a horse side by side. Wow, that must be spectacular!
Always a pleasure, Gayle.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Ted T
Hi Gayle :)
Good one. You've amped up the tension/conflict and foretell some good action.
Now your cooking and with a pinch of international flavoring.
Here's a nit:
He nodded several [time,] -- I believe you mean 'times'.
Good job,
Ted
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Hi Gayle :)
Good one. You've amped up the tension/conflict and foretell some good action.
Now your cooking and with a pinch of international flavoring.
Here's a nit:
He nodded several [time,] -- I believe you mean 'times'.
Good job,
Ted
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Hey Ted - I'll get the s in there and fix that. Thanks for the great sixer and your wonderful comments. You're so appreciated,
Hugs,
Gayle
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Okay, good show :)
Comment from DonandVicki
I like the way that you compose your words to hold the readers attention and construct your characters in your well written story. Beautiful picture that you chose to adorn your work. Don
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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I like the way that you compose your words to hold the readers attention and construct your characters in your well written story. Beautiful picture that you chose to adorn your work. Don
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Hey Don, so nice to make a new friend and hope to see you back again.
Thanks for the comments and fine review,
Gayle
Comment from Norbanus
So Ari know she's in Los Angeles furnishing anothe thread for you to work. Heck of a job with building the suspense.
Caution the use of 'He' and 'her' in this paragraph:
Her voice rose with such piercing intensity it brought Rex to his feet in a flash. Ears up, he stared at her, whining under his breath as he whipped his head toward the door and then the window. He glanced quickly at Brad, who seemed equally perplexed. Ears flitting up and down, he attempted to catch sight of whatever it was that scared his god so much. He hurried to her side, still whining, and sat at her knee, staring at her face. He didn?t have a clue why, but he knew she was afraid. He smelled it, and glanced again at the door.
Love this yarn,
Freddie
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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So Ari know she's in Los Angeles furnishing anothe thread for you to work. Heck of a job with building the suspense.
Caution the use of 'He' and 'her' in this paragraph:
Her voice rose with such piercing intensity it brought Rex to his feet in a flash. Ears up, he stared at her, whining under his breath as he whipped his head toward the door and then the window. He glanced quickly at Brad, who seemed equally perplexed. Ears flitting up and down, he attempted to catch sight of whatever it was that scared his god so much. He hurried to her side, still whining, and sat at her knee, staring at her face. He didn?t have a clue why, but he knew she was afraid. He smelled it, and glanced again at the door.
Love this yarn,
Freddie
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Ah, Freddie, thank you so much for that. I'll watch the pronouns, lol.
Don't you love Rex? I think he's going to do us proud before this one is all over.
Thanks so much!
Hugs
Annabelle
Comment from TervLass
Fabulous, Gayle. Fast pace and burning up the page, so's to speak. The plot unfolds well, Julia's terror comes through as reactive, therefore not readily controlled by simply being aware that she's unrecognizable, and Brad slips into Zack-mode. Love the response of Rex as he attempts to identify the source of Julia's angst, too.
One name had me rechecking: Julia's father, Sheik Halimehia's name is very close to the disowned son, "Hamid" ...but that may just be my own issue. A second double-check came with Edward's addressing his uncle as, "Mehia". Technically, there is no problem per se. However, might it be feasible to repeat one of the names (thus, securing it to reader's recall)? May not even be necessary, and I mention this only as the names made me puton my thinking cap.
Wonderful chapter. So very neat to have dialogue push everything forward with such velocity.
Cheers,
Helen (TervLass)
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Fabulous, Gayle. Fast pace and burning up the page, so's to speak. The plot unfolds well, Julia's terror comes through as reactive, therefore not readily controlled by simply being aware that she's unrecognizable, and Brad slips into Zack-mode. Love the response of Rex as he attempts to identify the source of Julia's angst, too.
One name had me rechecking: Julia's father, Sheik Halimehia's name is very close to the disowned son, "Hamid" ...but that may just be my own issue. A second double-check came with Edward's addressing his uncle as, "Mehia". Technically, there is no problem per se. However, might it be feasible to repeat one of the names (thus, securing it to reader's recall)? May not even be necessary, and I mention this only as the names made me puton my thinking cap.
Wonderful chapter. So very neat to have dialogue push everything forward with such velocity.
Cheers,
Helen (TervLass)
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Hey Helen, so good to see you, hope all is great with you.
Oh, my friend, you have the eye I covet and yes I think I'm going to do a good bit of editing on this one and the names, too, are problematic. Hamid is close - or bad enough, lol, but her father knows Julia as Hali, which was me, floundering in the beginning with the names. Crazy as it sounds, I have a terrible time with my character's names.
Truly, in one book, Riding High, I had cousins Ernie and Bernie, so help me, and Lenny and Benny were friends. Like I'm a latent and very poor poet!
Yep, I've decided. I'm going to dedicate this to you, Bev and Suz. You guys - if you aren't already, should be friends.
Thank you so much for all the great pointers!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Ric Myworld
Realistic dialog and descriptions make me think that I'm right there in the middle of the action. Sounds like the story is about to explode with action, and I'm ready. Thanks for another great chapter.
>>He nodded several time(s), lips spread in a grin.
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Realistic dialog and descriptions make me think that I'm right there in the middle of the action. Sounds like the story is about to explode with action, and I'm ready. Thanks for another great chapter.
>>He nodded several time(s), lips spread in a grin.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 26-Feb-2014
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Hey, good buddy, I'll get that S in there, lol. Really appreciate you're hanging in there with me and the fine comments.
Thanks, RIc,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from c_lucas
Death is death, no matter who kills Ari. This is very well written with an intriguing flow of words. Good job.
Suggestion:
burs, or a short white thorn acacia branch. Prickly pair would not work. Acacia is native to The mid East.
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Death is death, no matter who kills Ari. This is very well written with an intriguing flow of words. Good job.
Suggestion:
burs, or a short white thorn acacia branch. Prickly pair would not work. Acacia is native to The mid East.
Comment Written 25-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 25-Feb-2014
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Hey Charlie, so nice to see you , my friend. Yeah, I think things are gonna get a bit rough from here on out.
Acacia, perfecto! Will do!
Thank you for the steadfast support and uplifting comments.
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie
