doubt-gulls
Free verse83 total reviews
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. I like the sound of this poem, it is like the errant rough calls of the gulls.
The set up is like the like the flight.
Put these things together and one gets the gulls and the doubt as it's fish.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Hello. I like the sound of this poem, it is like the errant rough calls of the gulls.
The set up is like the like the flight.
Put these things together and one gets the gulls and the doubt as it's fish.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Padu
Many reviewers failed to understand the significance of the title so they didn't appreciate the theme of doubt eating someone alive...
Glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from mfowler
Judging by the last line, you are the voice of 'the silvery prize'. Your poem descends just as a flock of pecking seagulls might. That's a clever format. You also don't waste time on pretty descriptions of the creatures that:gouge flesh from bone. Even that most lyrical of openings has a sense of foreboding:sliding
on
ghost-grey wings
You employ alliteration to good effect in parts:beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes
I found your use of of free verse to be very effective here, and because your voice is clearly defined and the object of its anguish is described so vividly, the poem as a whole, works extremely well.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Judging by the last line, you are the voice of 'the silvery prize'. Your poem descends just as a flock of pecking seagulls might. That's a clever format. You also don't waste time on pretty descriptions of the creatures that:gouge flesh from bone. Even that most lyrical of openings has a sense of foreboding:sliding
on
ghost-grey wings
You employ alliteration to good effect in parts:beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes
I found your use of of free verse to be very effective here, and because your voice is clearly defined and the object of its anguish is described so vividly, the poem as a whole, works extremely well.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you for the great review and the thoughtful examination of the poem.
Steve
Comment from bokeh
Well composed and with admirable economy of syntax Your word choice is excellent--quickly energizes the reader to the reality of the natural world, and makes no apologies. Action verbs: "gouge, swooping, thrashing" describe in unappealing terms the natural world, which is typically and falsely portrayed as harmonious coexistence.
An extremely well-considered and expressed free verse.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Well composed and with admirable economy of syntax Your word choice is excellent--quickly energizes the reader to the reality of the natural world, and makes no apologies. Action verbs: "gouge, swooping, thrashing" describe in unappealing terms the natural world, which is typically and falsely portrayed as harmonious coexistence.
An extremely well-considered and expressed free verse.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thank you so much for the thoughtful review and the six stars.
Yes, the natural world is often 'red in tooth and claw' as Tennyson put it. In fact my intention was to use this as a metaphor for a man torn apart by self-doubt.
Steve
Comment from califdot
Your poem is creatively written. It flows well and has a nice sounding cadence when read aloud. It also has a nice rhythm to it that is easily heard when read. I like your poem. Good luck in the poetry contest you have entered.
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Your poem is creatively written. It flows well and has a nice sounding cadence when read aloud. It also has a nice rhythm to it that is easily heard when read. I like your poem. Good luck in the poetry contest you have entered.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Dot (did I get that right?)
Glad you enjoyed and found the flow.
Steve
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Yes Dot is fine! You are welcome! Have a great week!
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi kiwisteveh
A very good descriptive narrative of one of natures most efficient scavengers, which sailors in the RN used to call 'shitehawks' because of the mess they made all over the pristine upper decks and superstructure of their ships.
The switch in POV to the victim is unexpected but effective.
Patrick
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Hi kiwisteveh
A very good descriptive narrative of one of natures most efficient scavengers, which sailors in the RN used to call 'shitehawks' because of the mess they made all over the pristine upper decks and superstructure of their ships.
The switch in POV to the victim is unexpected but effective.
Patrick
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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thanks,Patrick.
Yep, I have spent plenty of time observing the shitehawks as I have been cleaning fish.
The switch of POV was intended to shock and cause the reader to re-consider.
my intention was to use this as a metaphor for a man torn apart by self-doubt.
Steve
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It worked for me. Well done.
Patrick
Comment from Glasstruth
Gory, but I love it! Nice alliteration and streaming lines that dance all over the screen. Even though this is free verse, I still see a pattern, not that it's bad. Just an observation. Well done! Les
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Gory, but I love it! Nice alliteration and streaming lines that dance all over the screen. Even though this is free verse, I still see a pattern, not that it's bad. Just an observation. Well done! Les
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 02-Mar-2014
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Thnks, les!
Steve
Comment from Joan E.
Your unusual title is complemented well by the picture you selected. I admired your free verse that mimicked the flight of gulls. Your use of "bayonet" and alliteration is effective and your surprising punchline is dramatic. Cheers and best wishes in the contest- Joan
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Your unusual title is complemented well by the picture you selected. I admired your free verse that mimicked the flight of gulls. Your use of "bayonet" and alliteration is effective and your surprising punchline is dramatic. Cheers and best wishes in the contest- Joan
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Joan, thanks for the kind words and best wishes.
Steve
Comment from Leineco
I love a poem whose closing lines make go back and start all over again! At first read through, I thought it was "gloom" overloaded. But once I read the closing, I reassessed my reaction and went back through it.
The conclusion required the build-up!
Nice work.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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I love a poem whose closing lines make go back and start all over again! At first read through, I thought it was "gloom" overloaded. But once I read the closing, I reassessed my reaction and went back through it.
The conclusion required the build-up!
Nice work.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Lorraine.
Yes, that's exactly what that last line was designed to do!
Steve
Comment from macathy
Very good choose of words,conveyed the message wonderfully.Liked the way you have set this poem out interesting.good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Very good choose of words,conveyed the message wonderfully.Liked the way you have set this poem out interesting.good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Jeanie Mercer
This free verse has wonderfully strong, dramatic verbs: sliding, swooping, thrashing, squabbling. And there are no gratuitous adjectives - every one serves to enhance the dark mood of the poem. Excellent writing. Good luck to you in the contest. Jeanie Mercer
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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This free verse has wonderfully strong, dramatic verbs: sliding, swooping, thrashing, squabbling. And there are no gratuitous adjectives - every one serves to enhance the dark mood of the poem. Excellent writing. Good luck to you in the contest. Jeanie Mercer
Comment Written 02-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Jeanie.
I don't write free verse often and when I do it always seems to slip towards the dark side.....
Steve
