Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

A-h-h-h-h-h..., pretty gruesome stuff, kiwisteveh, at least form the POV of a dying fish. But, I would imagine that fish--even with their tiny brains--have feelings, too. It appears as if you would be inclined to believe the same.

Naturally, I enjoyed the dark, foreboding ambiance of this piece. It should do very well in the contest.

Good luck!

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, Dean.

Steve

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

Good imagery--a Ravenblack moment. Romantic as the burials at sea can be. No fire, just lash me to the helm and let me drift. Best of luck. Kenny

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, Kenny.

Steve

Comment from HL Pepper

Exceptional

This is quite interesting and also amazing. The natural course of nature is oftentimes unpleasant yet you have managed to offer a perspective that is beautiful, natural and okay! Nice job. Sorry about your guts. Pepper

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, Pepper.

My guts seem to have re-grown OK

Steve

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Oh, my! I was enjoying a peaceful scene of gulls on the shore, then the end hit me like a brick. If you were after the element of surprise, you succeeded well! :)

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, Phyllis

Yes, it was designed to shock. Hope I didn't spoil your breakfast~!

Steve

Comment from humpwhistle

Excellent

Well, I can't say I saw that coming. And not sure how to interpret. 'I' is a fish? I thought I was the walrus.

You paint a cold grey scene familiar to all who've ever visited the shore. I like your careful word choices, alliteration that isn't forced.

Still the Flash-Fiction-esque ending threw me. I can't help but wonder if you're playing with heads of Free Verse writers.

Peace, Lee

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

No, I wouldn't be so subtle....

Despite my title, not everyone seems to have got the metaphor of the gulls as destructive doubts, eating someone alive from the inside...

Steve

reply by humpwhistle on 06-Mar-2014

Yipes! Now I feel like a dolt! I need to stick with prose. L

Comment from Gypsy Starchild

Excellent

I love this cleverly written free verse. I like everything about it... the form, the subject, the use of metaphor.... best of luck in the contest!

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

Good alliteration with ghost/grey...through/the...beaks/bayonet...flesh/frm...dark/descends. Good description. Good eye catching photo. Good, clear message that holds my attention from start to finish.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, RR

Steve

Comment from SLHarper

Excellent

Another winner, looks like. I'm out of 6s for you, but you have a virtual one from me... You are going to kick my butt to Kingdom come again, and this time, it will be because of your humility. Doubt gulls squabbling over your entrails, you say...? Who hasn't felt that? You speak for the nervous stomachs of the world! And you do it in such a fashion that no one can be bitter or envious, just full of awe. Way to go! Yours, Stephie

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, Steph

Your reviews always fill me with hope that someone is actually reading and thinking about my poems. I have had a few 'poor fish' reviews for this one.

I rarely venture into free verse and don't feel particularly competent at it, so the kind words and virtual six are good for my ego - I did feel that this was not too bad....

Steve

reply by SLHarper on 06-Mar-2014

Oh, my dearest Steve... If I had a dollar for every "poor fish" review...! Ever heard of a metaphor, people? I'm sorry. Please be assured by me that your poem was very well done. Free verse seems to be my relatively best form (as far as being in my comfort zone), so I tell you this with some confidence that I know what I'm talking about. :) In other words, trust your gut! Cheers! Steph

Comment from ProjectBluebook

Excellent

Looks like a twister poem. You will see the twister in my portfolio. I mimic'c this, except it also, is a puzzle. I like this, something different and I like different. Good luck in the contest. I like this picture of the gulls and sea. I writing a sea story, a novel. I like the sea, pirates, ships, Sy-Fy and warfare stories and poems. great imagination, it all comes from a thought ... first. good fortunes, buccaneer.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks for the fun review.

I'll watch out for that twister.

Steve

reply by ProjectBluebook on 06-Mar-2014

Mu pleasure!

Comment from closetpoetjester

Excellent

So I'm assuming the ghost of kiwisteve the fish wrote this poem...haha I think I'm having a blonde moment thought cos I just don't get the title...with that said, a captivating free verse Steve, of ghost grey wings in the fading sun and how perfect bayonets prize meat of your bones and then bitch over the leftovers as you descend into nothingness. Pretty good...but I'm not even gonna ask how as the fish, you managed to type this! Unless of course they turned you into fish fingers! haha
Well done...Cheers P
PS Certainly something different with your pen here and definitely has a touch of that kiwi humour I am coming to know more about.

 Comment Written 01-Mar-2014

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014

Thanks, Phillippa.

You may be looking a little too hard if you found humour in this one - for once, none is intended.

The title is a hint that the gulls represent doubts gnawing at your guts....

Steve