doubt-gulls
Free verse83 total reviews
Comment from The Boy Whodunnit!
A very creative poem, I like the free verse style you use and your presentation is great. It really helps emphasise certain words and phrases.
You've done well to present it like this, whenever I've tried to format like this it ends in a mess!
BW
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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A very creative poem, I like the free verse style you use and your presentation is great. It really helps emphasise certain words and phrases.
You've done well to present it like this, whenever I've tried to format like this it ends in a mess!
BW
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from krys123
Ooooooooh! They ending was not only shocking but very unexpected. I particularly like the format in which you wrote your free verse poem. That descending action through the lines and words down the page reminding me of the swooping seagulls. The imagery was completely astounding visioned The birds eating their prey and at the end eating you. Thank you so much for posting and sharing this for others. May you have a good one always.
Alex
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Ooooooooh! They ending was not only shocking but very unexpected. I particularly like the format in which you wrote your free verse poem. That descending action through the lines and words down the page reminding me of the swooping seagulls. The imagery was completely astounding visioned The birds eating their prey and at the end eating you. Thank you so much for posting and sharing this for others. May you have a good one always.
Alex
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Alec - glad you enjoyed this and reacted to the surprise ending.
Steve
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I really liked it a lot Steve and the ending.
Alex
Comment from nancyjam
Wish I had some sixes left. this is perfectly
descriptive of sea gulls swooping down to
stab a dead fish on the shore and a terrific
metaphor for a man destroyed by doubts.
A strong contender in the free verse contest. Best of luck. Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Wish I had some sixes left. this is perfectly
descriptive of sea gulls swooping down to
stab a dead fish on the shore and a terrific
metaphor for a man destroyed by doubts.
A strong contender in the free verse contest. Best of luck. Nancy
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Nancy.
Glad you 'got' the metaphor. A surprising number of reviewers seem to have missed it despite the title.
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
Powerful images of birds tearing and rendering the flesh of fish -
Birds, metaphors of doubt, and the flesh of fish, the speaker in the poem.
It is a surprise ending in that one thinks they are reading about a scene in nature, or of human nature, and discover they are reading a work of self-doubt and depreciation.
Excellent use of alliteration and with "S" sounds throughout, that give us that sweeping, swooshing feeling one gets when gulls are about.
Good use of B sounds to create frenzy in:
beaks, bayonet, unblinking eyes, bone
Great write, Steve- Best of luck in the contest.
Rose.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Powerful images of birds tearing and rendering the flesh of fish -
Birds, metaphors of doubt, and the flesh of fish, the speaker in the poem.
It is a surprise ending in that one thinks they are reading about a scene in nature, or of human nature, and discover they are reading a work of self-doubt and depreciation.
Excellent use of alliteration and with "S" sounds throughout, that give us that sweeping, swooshing feeling one gets when gulls are about.
Good use of B sounds to create frenzy in:
beaks, bayonet, unblinking eyes, bone
Great write, Steve- Best of luck in the contest.
Rose.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Rose, thanks so much for the excellent and thoughtful review.
Steve
Comment from ennahanid
I wish you luck in the contest. The picture is beautiful and a great head-in to your words. I love the way you scattered them like a bird hovering back and forth but the end was a bit of a shock I must admit but regardless ir was a pleasure to read you this morning - Dinah
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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I wish you luck in the contest. The picture is beautiful and a great head-in to your words. I love the way you scattered them like a bird hovering back and forth but the end was a bit of a shock I must admit but regardless ir was a pleasure to read you this morning - Dinah
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Dinah.
Yes, the ending was designed to shock and to force the reader to re-consider the whole poem.
Steve
Comment from rama devi
Killed by doubt--a powerful extended metaphor voiced with effective intensity in fine free verse style. The use of spacing to sculpt phrasing is superb. Consonance and alliteration of S sounds, super--especially here:
swooping
unerring
to
the silvery prize
thrashing its last
on
cold
grey
stones
Nice alliteration on G and consonance of S in this fine descriptive phrase:
ghost-grey wings
Love the unique image of 'bars of sun' (hinting at a subtle metaphor of prison? Hmmm):
through
the bars
of a fading
sun
Superb alliteration and consonance of B and graphic imagery:
beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes
gouge flesh from bone
Potent closing image (ouch!) with fine alliteration of D and consonance of S:
and
as dark descends
I hear them
squabbling
over
my entrails
Potent pom.
Good luck
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Killed by doubt--a powerful extended metaphor voiced with effective intensity in fine free verse style. The use of spacing to sculpt phrasing is superb. Consonance and alliteration of S sounds, super--especially here:
swooping
unerring
to
the silvery prize
thrashing its last
on
cold
grey
stones
Nice alliteration on G and consonance of S in this fine descriptive phrase:
ghost-grey wings
Love the unique image of 'bars of sun' (hinting at a subtle metaphor of prison? Hmmm):
through
the bars
of a fading
sun
Superb alliteration and consonance of B and graphic imagery:
beaks
bayonet
unblinking eyes
gouge flesh from bone
Potent closing image (ouch!) with fine alliteration of D and consonance of S:
and
as dark descends
I hear them
squabbling
over
my entrails
Potent pom.
Good luck
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Rama.
I believe you are the only reviewer to comment on 'bars' and you have 'got' the rest of the poem perfectly.
Steve
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Thanks Steve. :)
Comment from tfawcus
This is a dark Promethean piece that haunts the mind. The description of the gulls is absolutely perfect. That is just the way they are. Your use of them as a metaphor for gnawing self-doubt is masterly. So deserving of the six which, at this late stage in the week, I do not have. The best poem I have read this week.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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This is a dark Promethean piece that haunts the mind. The description of the gulls is absolutely perfect. That is just the way they are. Your use of them as a metaphor for gnawing self-doubt is masterly. So deserving of the six which, at this late stage in the week, I do not have. The best poem I have read this week.
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Tony, thanks for the high praise, the thoughtful review and the virtual six.
Free verse is not my usual cup of tea and for some reason, when I venture there, it tends to take me to the dark side.
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
Wow, Steve...this is so cool. And cruel. Squabbling over your entrails ...yikes...great imagery. I love it.. Doubt-gulls ... Great title great metaphor...squabbling gulls do take us over and make us doubt...but there is no doubt ...You are a great writer. But a pesky gull swooped down and gobbled up my sixes. ******
God bless
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Wow, Steve...this is so cool. And cruel. Squabbling over your entrails ...yikes...great imagery. I love it.. Doubt-gulls ... Great title great metaphor...squabbling gulls do take us over and make us doubt...but there is no doubt ...You are a great writer. But a pesky gull swooped down and gobbled up my sixes. ******
God bless
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Jenny!
I'll take the virtual six and the kind words.
Steve
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I love the beautiful picture. The poem has great alliteration and imagery all the way to the surprise ending. Well done. It is horrible the way birds tear things to shreds but I suppose that is just the nature of things. Poor fish! LOL Good luck. Steve. Well done. Nancy
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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I love the beautiful picture. The poem has great alliteration and imagery all the way to the surprise ending. Well done. It is horrible the way birds tear things to shreds but I suppose that is just the nature of things. Poor fish! LOL Good luck. Steve. Well done. Nancy
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, Nancy.
Steve
Comment from Kingsland
This is a very interesting piece of poetic art that opens the mind to thinking. I liked the way you formatted this piece as its as scattered as the way the piece ends. I enjoyed reading this excellent piece of poetic art... John
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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This is a very interesting piece of poetic art that opens the mind to thinking. I liked the way you formatted this piece as its as scattered as the way the piece ends. I enjoyed reading this excellent piece of poetic art... John
Comment Written 01-Mar-2014
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2014
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Thanks, John.
Steve
