Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Excellent

This is one of my favourite stories. Very well written and although I know it is a modern version of the story, I don't think it lends itself to the modern touch. It's not the kind of thing a modern Cyrano would be called upon to do. But I must judge it on the poem's merit and I cannot fault the way you have written it. It's such a moving story - I did not like the 'wow' though. The original story actually had me in tears. Regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

I disagree, Dorothy, as I think it was modernized very well in the movie, Roxanne, and I've helped friends with letters before. Still, I appreciate you judging it on the merits of the poem. The 'wow' is sort of where it turns from the original story, which I intended to do. At some point, I may actually do a poem on the actual story as an ekphrastic piece. Anyway, thank you, my friend.

reply by Dorothy Farrell on 24-Feb-2014

Hi David - Fair comment! But I can't bear Steve Martin. I liked Gérard Depardieu playing the part of Cyrano as he was meant to be. But your poem was good, as I said. Dorothy

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you, my friend. I actually liked both versions of the tale.

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Perfect picture. The poem in Iambic pentameter and abab rhyme
Love the title David. Very clever. So many clever phrases as well,
no fan of pimping on demand,
taking in the moon,
So if I advocate, and earn her kiss,
He?ll botch what I achieved with deft technique.(A real loser!)
Perhaps I'll save my friend his mortal pain. (how kind of you!)
I?ll scale her battlements,(Very funny)
It is humorous David. Good job Nancy

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, my friend. I appreciate the great review and the commentary on the lines (made me smile).

Comment from Dirus

Excellent

Well done again Marillion. Thank you for the nice poem. I liked The first patt the most. Nothing like a good rhyme. keep up the nice work. :)

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, Dirus!

Comment from Dawn Munro

Exceptional

Sounds like an excuse, to me. (LOL) Perfect rhyme and meter, as always, and your command of language is so powerful as to make it almost seem new...:) (the language, of course)

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

You know me too well, my friend. Smart lady. :-) Many thanks for that sixer, Dawn, and for your review (and the smile I got from it).

Comment from Hadria

Exceptional

Great title, excellent rhythm and rhyme, terrific choice of wording - I love the line
"He'll botch what I achieved with deft technique".
For some reason every time I read it, although I'm reading
"taking in the moon" I find I'm thinking
"talking to the moon" but that might just be that I recently saw Dvorjak's "Rusalka" and I'm thinking of "Poor pale Rusalka" singing to the moon!
Anyway, it is very well done indeed.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you so much, my friend, for that sixer, and for the great review! I really appreciate your thought on that line, too. I like it so much I may change it to that, as it also ramps up the romance. Your instinctive reading of it that way says something, too, about how it should possibly read. Thanks! David

Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER

Exceptional

Loved these bits:
I lurk
pimping on demand,
taking in the moon
Then freight my friend, 'f' alliteration
scribe, I know of what I speak; all the s's
So if I advocate, and earn her kiss,
He?ll botch what I achieved with deft technique. great line

Perhaps/pain Love the hard 'p 'bookends
Should she succumb, the s' alliteration
ashamed, defamed the internal rhyme delights
I?ll scale her battlements,
Yes, I'm sure her 'battlements are impressive indeed!!

Love the piece for its excellent flowing meter, flawless abab format, humour, wit and use of modern idioms..pimping, wow ect.

Regards:

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Stephen, I'm honored to receive your sixer, my friend, and your great comments to go along with it. The approval of a another metrical poet always means a lot, and the sixer is the icing. Much appreciated.

Comment from irishauthorme

Excellent

Cyrano's tale has always intrigued, and I am no exception. Any reader with compassion could not refrain from championing the disfigured, heart-broken composer. Not a poet as such, and certainly not educated into the varieties and castes of poetry, but(Thanks to Irish ancestry) able to appreciate a fine turn of the written word.
Exceptional.
irish

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Same here, Irish, and I couldn't agree more. Thank you for the great review, and as a man of Irish (and Scottish) ancestry, too, I agree about the ability of the Irish to appreciate turns of phrase. :) David

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

Good use of the abab rhyme scheme. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with light/night. Good alliteration with freight/friend...should/she/succumb. I see no errors, mistakes or anything I would adjust in this piece. Good work.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, RR. I appreciate it.

Comment from mauial

Excellent

I thought this was very funny: And though no fan of pimping on demand. Nice job of retelling the story. Did you see the movie Roxanne, based on the play, with Steve Miller?

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you so much, Al, for your great review! I really appreciate it! Roxanne is actually one of my favorite movies, one that resonated greatly with me when it was released.

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

The picture of Cyrano de Bergerac complements your rhyming poem so well. You kiss a girl to save your friend the embaressment. You won her over by your exclusive poetry.

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, Ine, for your nice review.