Me Chit's Overdue
A story/poem . . . or vice-versa. 368 words.41 total reviews
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, as I've said before, I know nothing about poetry or its styles and structures, but if the contest is for a story written poetically, then you get my vote. Great job.
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Well, as I've said before, I know nothing about poetry or its styles and structures, but if the contest is for a story written poetically, then you get my vote. Great job.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 23-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Ric. I only dabble on the poetry side, too. And I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Adri7enne
Terrific, Lee! You rhyme like a pro and your rhythm's top notch. You sound like you had a ball writing this. Made me grin all the way through. A story teller with a sense of rhythm can tell a heck of a story in a poem. You sure did. Good luck in the contest, poet!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Terrific, Lee! You rhyme like a pro and your rhythm's top notch. You sound like you had a ball writing this. Made me grin all the way through. A story teller with a sense of rhythm can tell a heck of a story in a poem. You sure did. Good luck in the contest, poet!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Adri7enne. Yes, I did have fun writing this. Prose is hard enough without layering rhyme and meter on top--but I'm a sucker for this contest. It helps me keep things in perspective. I'm really glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from IndianaIrish
Loved the story in your poem, hw, and naturally loved the Irish. All the good poetry will get an emotional response from the reader, and your talent to involve the reader into your characters, makes you a grand poet for sure. Your rhymes are perfect and aren't forced at all, your enjambment makes the story flow, and you use many other poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, imagery, and rhythm. Your talent as a wordslinger makes you a talented poet as well.
I enjoyed your poetic story and wish you best of luck in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy : )
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Loved the story in your poem, hw, and naturally loved the Irish. All the good poetry will get an emotional response from the reader, and your talent to involve the reader into your characters, makes you a grand poet for sure. Your rhymes are perfect and aren't forced at all, your enjambment makes the story flow, and you use many other poetic devices such as alliteration, assonance, imagery, and rhythm. Your talent as a wordslinger makes you a talented poet as well.
I enjoyed your poetic story and wish you best of luck in the contest.
Smiles,
Indy : )
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Indy. Coming from a published poet, this means a lot. Funny how I sometimes just fall into the Irish thing. I love the lilt and poetry of their expressions. I just can't pass up this contest. Thanks for your good wishes, Indy.
Peace, Lee
Comment from adewpearl
solid rhyming couplets
love the use of colloquial speech
good alliteration in phrases like crisscrossed rough ridges
slid sick - good assonance there too
love the repetition of me chit's overdue
we'll skate off virgin - unchaste as a bride - chaste?
lots of good alliteration throughout - I particularly like ransom to rankle
oh, the poor guy, about to meet his maker - yep, robbing the rich is never the way to go if you want to lead a long life and experience a quiet death :-)
Brooke
and yes, this should be categorized as a poem, my friend, since it's in a poetry contest LOL :-)
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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solid rhyming couplets
love the use of colloquial speech
good alliteration in phrases like crisscrossed rough ridges
slid sick - good assonance there too
love the repetition of me chit's overdue
we'll skate off virgin - unchaste as a bride - chaste?
lots of good alliteration throughout - I particularly like ransom to rankle
oh, the poor guy, about to meet his maker - yep, robbing the rich is never the way to go if you want to lead a long life and experience a quiet death :-)
Brooke
and yes, this should be categorized as a poem, my friend, since it's in a poetry contest LOL :-)
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2014
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Thank you for this, Brooke. Yeah, I'm not sure 'unchaste as a bride' really works except for the wordplay. I couldn't resist.
Thanks for endorsing my dabble into the the Realm of the Rhyme.
Peace, Lee
Comment from Rosalyne
Hi, Lee.
You are a master with words. Your style and flow to the story is great! What a well told tale of "my chit's overdue. Like always your characters are fabulous as is your language used in the story.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
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Hi, Lee.
You are a master with words. Your style and flow to the story is great! What a well told tale of "my chit's overdue. Like always your characters are fabulous as is your language used in the story.
Bye
Rosalyne :)
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I think this is really good Lee. As usual you
capture the language in fine fitter. It sounds like an Irishman to me. LOL I love your refrain line...me chit's overdue. You are both a storyteller and a poet in my opinion and I always enjoy your posts. Kudos, Good Luck. Nancy
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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I think this is really good Lee. As usual you
capture the language in fine fitter. It sounds like an Irishman to me. LOL I love your refrain line...me chit's overdue. You are both a storyteller and a poet in my opinion and I always enjoy your posts. Kudos, Good Luck. Nancy
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Nancy. I'm always a sucker for this contest. My only chance to rhyme. I'm delighted you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Joy Graham
You impressed me with your story poem. You told a story and rhymed. It wasn't too long which is a pet peeve of mine. I have a short attention span. You got me with the Pinkertons. I have a soft spot for them because my grandmother was a Pinkerton and I love to imagine the Wild West. Good luck to you in this contest :) You are a contender in my eyes!
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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You impressed me with your story poem. You told a story and rhymed. It wasn't too long which is a pet peeve of mine. I have a short attention span. You got me with the Pinkertons. I have a soft spot for them because my grandmother was a Pinkerton and I love to imagine the Wild West. Good luck to you in this contest :) You are a contender in my eyes!
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Joy. Your Grandmother was a Pinkerton? Sounds like a story to me! And a good one. I'm so glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from pattipac
LOL, you are a terrific story-teller rather in prose or poem. Your story about a card-dealing, kidnapper who is just trying to survive, 'cause his chit's overdue almost makes me feel sorry for him.
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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LOL, you are a terrific story-teller rather in prose or poem. Your story about a card-dealing, kidnapper who is just trying to survive, 'cause his chit's overdue almost makes me feel sorry for him.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2014
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Thank you, pattipac. I kinda feel sorry for him, too. Thanks for the comments, and I'm glad you enjoyed. Peace, Lee
Comment from Domino 2
For someone who is 'more of a storyteller than a poet', you have a remarkable grip of poetic meter which is faultless throughout.
You sure captured the brogue of the Irishman who struggled to stay legal before he turned to crime and met the ultimate sentence - his 'chit' was FINALLY PAID OFF
Excellent!
Best wishes, Ted
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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For someone who is 'more of a storyteller than a poet', you have a remarkable grip of poetic meter which is faultless throughout.
You sure captured the brogue of the Irishman who struggled to stay legal before he turned to crime and met the ultimate sentence - his 'chit' was FINALLY PAID OFF
Excellent!
Best wishes, Ted
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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Ah, Ted. A true poet. Thanks so much for your kind and considered comments. Honestly, I love poetry, but I'm intimidated by all I don't know. But whenever this contest comes around, I jump in head first. I never win, but at least I get my head wet.
Thanks, Ted. I'm looking forward to reading (and slamming) your entry. You know better.
Peace, Lee
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You seem to 'know' more than most, Lee.
You just reminded me I HAVE reserved a spot for this 'open' site contest - I'd forgotten all about it til I checked 'my contests' following your comments, and deadline is only 6 days away.
I guess I'll leave it to the last minute and then enter a load of crap - well, certainly compared to yours.
Ted
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Teddy, save the blarney fer the newbies. You've been workin' on somethin' for weeks, and you'll post somethin' just short of Pulitzer. I might have been born at night, Teddy, but it wasn't dark. Wait, that didn't come out right.
A load of crap is what you're givin' me now. You'll post somethin' shiny. DAMN YOU!
Other than the DAMN YOU, Peace, Lee
Oh, just between us, I do believe censorship on a writing site is contrary to the creative process. We disagree on this, but we can love each other anyway.
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LMAO, Lee.
I SWEAR I never 'work on' anything for more than a few hours, tops. I spontaneously write and post straight away, and I never keep anything.
Smiles at our difference in views in the contest thread, and of course we can.
Here's a big manly 'smacker' (on the cheek) to prove it - X
:-) Ted
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Post where you like, Lee. This is a rollicking tale fit to sing in any alehouse. Absolutely outstanding work, sir. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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Post where you like, Lee. This is a rollicking tale fit to sing in any alehouse. Absolutely outstanding work, sir. :) Nancy
Comment Written 17-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2014
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Thank you, Nancy, for the splendid galaxy. You're right, this is a ballad. It needs to be sung. I'm glad you can hear it.
Peace, Lee
