Face Off
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Let's Start Over"A Whole New Identity
17 total reviews
Comment from TervLass
I am delighted to see such detailed back story for Edward as he makes his way through LAX. I thoroughly enjoy seeing his (as well as his opponents') point of view as you weave the story.
When Edward collapses after having taken something, your use of his collapse to sweep his trackers off scene by virtue of their own "emergency protocol" is smooth and efficient. Love that Edward faked it and by so doing enabled his own removal from their presence. Cat and mouse moves with a vengeance.
As always, an enjoyable read. You are dealing with sensitive issues (underlying family issues and relationships) with skill.
Helen
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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I am delighted to see such detailed back story for Edward as he makes his way through LAX. I thoroughly enjoy seeing his (as well as his opponents') point of view as you weave the story.
When Edward collapses after having taken something, your use of his collapse to sweep his trackers off scene by virtue of their own "emergency protocol" is smooth and efficient. Love that Edward faked it and by so doing enabled his own removal from their presence. Cat and mouse moves with a vengeance.
As always, an enjoyable read. You are dealing with sensitive issues (underlying family issues and relationships) with skill.
Helen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Hi Helen,
Thank you so much for the fantastic review. I've really come to like Edward but I couldn't figure out how to keep him around. This will work for a while and he may not been seen again for half a book! Now we've got to get his wife and son out of town and quick!
Thanks again for the wonderful support, it's appreciated more than you know!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Ted T
Hi Gayle :)
I can't get into many details with this chapter, I have a doctor appointment this afternoon, and that cuts into my work day.
The chapter is a very long narrative piece that's all 'telling' with only a half dozen brief dialogue exchanges.
It has an element of suspense and foreshadowing, but the impact seems lost in the extensive narrative.
It's become apparent that's the tone you want for the novel, that's your call, but I can't offer any critique.
I didn't spot any SPAG or nits. The story has drifted away from a great start.
Good luck with it.
Ted
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Hi Gayle :)
I can't get into many details with this chapter, I have a doctor appointment this afternoon, and that cuts into my work day.
The chapter is a very long narrative piece that's all 'telling' with only a half dozen brief dialogue exchanges.
It has an element of suspense and foreshadowing, but the impact seems lost in the extensive narrative.
It's become apparent that's the tone you want for the novel, that's your call, but I can't offer any critique.
I didn't spot any SPAG or nits. The story has drifted away from a great start.
Good luck with it.
Ted
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Hey Ted, hope all goes well with the doctor.
This one is a good bit different from my others, and if we had a category here 'chic-lit mystery' it would be more appropriate. Oh, there will end up being plenty of mayhem and murder before we're through, but this one will also be a love story.
I can use all the luck I can get, my friend, thanks,
Gayle
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For what good they do, doctor appointments are a pain in the ass.
* * * *
The novel is yours to do with as you see fit, you're the publisher you should know what's best.
Ted
Comment from Norbanus
Two uses of 'bomb' here:
He understood Julia's oldest brother when he cautioned against a rash move that would ignight(ignite) into a timebomb. Ari was volatile and leaned toward acting first and thinking later. He'd had too much time to think, to ruminate on his failure and that built his anger. He was a bomb.(Perhaps something more suggestive at the end '...he was ticking.')
That was a neat maneuver by Edward with the pill.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Two uses of 'bomb' here:
He understood Julia's oldest brother when he cautioned against a rash move that would ignight(ignite) into a timebomb. Ari was volatile and leaned toward acting first and thinking later. He'd had too much time to think, to ruminate on his failure and that built his anger. He was a bomb.(Perhaps something more suggestive at the end '...he was ticking.')
That was a neat maneuver by Edward with the pill.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Hey Freddie,
Definitely will fix the 'bomb' problem, lol. I'd originally planned to have Ari get him, torture him, something that would really set Julia off, make her determined to kill him slow and painfully. It may still come to that, but for the moment, Edward lives! Yea.
Thanks so much for the great comments,
Hugs,
Annabelle
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Great move to have Julia exact revenge. Since you saved Edward, he has to be important to the solution, too.
Comment from shelley kaye
and when is brad going to come clean to her? ;)
great chapter! guess i missed this one or something. then 15 was taken away, and i got confused with 16 LOL! okay, i get it now :-P.... on to next chapter! thanx for sharing :)
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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and when is brad going to come clean to her? ;)
great chapter! guess i missed this one or something. then 15 was taken away, and i got confused with 16 LOL! okay, i get it now :-P.... on to next chapter! thanx for sharing :)
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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I goofed, that's what happened! Imagine that, lol. I'm really enjoying this one - kind of a new road for me.
Thanks for the comments and stars,
Hugs,
Gayle
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can't wait to see what roles the twins play! :)
Comment from lludlow
Nice chapter. So glad Edward was faking. I would've been so disappointed in him.
Only thing you might want to change is perhaps deleting the paragraph after "that's what I get for not eating lunch." I don't think you need it.
Nice work.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Nice chapter. So glad Edward was faking. I would've been so disappointed in him.
Only thing you might want to change is perhaps deleting the paragraph after "that's what I get for not eating lunch." I don't think you need it.
Nice work.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Talk about paying dearly for being someone's friend! Edward has given up so much for Julia. I hope it works out for him.
Thanks for the review, much appreciated.
Gayle
Comment from Writingfundimension
Ooh, I really like Edward's ploy. That took guts because they could have double checked. So, now to Julia's secret! Awesome, as always, Gayle.
xx Bev
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Ooh, I really like Edward's ploy. That took guts because they could have double checked. So, now to Julia's secret! Awesome, as always, Gayle.
xx Bev
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thank heavens for those little pills, lol. Yeah, I guess at that point, he'd bite the pill! That's what was originally in my mind to do. Talk about set Julia off. She'd strangle Ari with her bare hands. But I just couldn't kill him, he's such a good soul. Who knows where he'll go next!
Thanks so much for the great comments, Bev, and for the support!
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're very welcome, Gayle.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am worried that Julia should not tell Brad everything. It's way to soon. Oh dear. I am worried. You have done a great job with this post.
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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I am worried that Julia should not tell Brad everything. It's way to soon. Oh dear. I am worried. You have done a great job with this post.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Hey Barb,
Y'know, I wasn't sure either, but she's in pretty dire straits and if they hold back on each other right now, it could cause trust issues later.
And that Ari. I figure his weasily mug will show up in Beverly Hills pretty soon. Oh, I really hate him! Hope Amy gets him!
Thanks so much for the review and comments!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from allborn66
This is a very dramatic chapter. The dialogue sounds natural. The situation were believable. The characters interacted well with each other.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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This is a very dramatic chapter. The dialogue sounds natural. The situation were believable. The characters interacted well with each other.
Barbara
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Hi Barbara,
Thanks so much for the fine comments and review. So glad you're enjoying it.
Gayle
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh I'm pleased really that we are getting quickly to the nitty-gritty and I look forward to the following story. It promises to be full of drama and romance. Giddy
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Oh I'm pleased really that we are getting quickly to the nitty-gritty and I look forward to the following story. It promises to be full of drama and romance. Giddy
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Hey Gayle, we're hit the afterburners. From here on out, it should be pretty quick.
Thanks for the great comments,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from joelh605
The idea of getting on a jet unaccompanied would frighten her. He wasn't sure she'd ever been alone in her life. She would be petrified with the sole responsibility of an active son of ten, yet she couldn?t bring anyone with her. And even though she was friends with Sheik Halimehia,
Er, if she and he are cousins, then the Sheik is either his father's sibling, or his mother's. Either way, Edward should be automatically welcome under the Sheik's protection. ??
He understood Julia's oldest brother when he cautioned against a rash move that would ignight into a time bomb.
Two things - "ignite into" sounds off - "ignite a" or "become a" ?? Second, spell ing: volatile.
Enjoying the story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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The idea of getting on a jet unaccompanied would frighten her. He wasn't sure she'd ever been alone in her life. She would be petrified with the sole responsibility of an active son of ten, yet she couldn?t bring anyone with her. And even though she was friends with Sheik Halimehia,
Er, if she and he are cousins, then the Sheik is either his father's sibling, or his mother's. Either way, Edward should be automatically welcome under the Sheik's protection. ??
He understood Julia's oldest brother when he cautioned against a rash move that would ignight into a time bomb.
Two things - "ignite into" sounds off - "ignite a" or "become a" ?? Second, spell ing: volatile.
Enjoying the story!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Hey Joel, so good to see you.
Yes, Edward's father and the Sheik are brothers. Of course, they're under his protection, but he won't be on the plane with her, just the flight crew. She can't even take a servant with her for fear of exposing her location to Ari.
Will catch that type!
Thanks,
Gayle
