Destination: Hope
The Last Train Back61 total reviews
Comment from paulah60
What a fabulous metaphor for the tortuous, torturous labyrinthine journey through soul (a shitty trip, just coming out of one!).
What comes to mind is the story (in Greek mythology) of the Minotaur, the monster with the head of a bull and the body of a man, who was banished to the centre of the labyrinth. Those daredevils who entered the maze were either killed by the Minotaur, or went insane as they got lost in it for eternity.
Until now though, I've interpreted this monster as rage (who wouldn't be pissed off being imprisoned like that?!), but now I understand this beast as representing hopelessness. On first reading, I thought you'd covered all but this most painful of all human emotions. But I can see it's there, you've just called it 'dispirit'. With the personified characters of ancient myth being the archetypes for all human thoughts and behaviours, it's not surprising that most are reluctant to come face to face with hopelessness (given that so many entered the labyrinth, lost their way and went mad). But it's important to remember that ONE character (Theseus) entered, slayed the monster, and returned! So, there is an aspect of psyche in every human that has the capacity to do so.
I don't know if you're familiar with the story, but you must be, at some level because, to me, this piece of yours is the story in modern dress. You've just presented it in a way that's maybe more accessible to most readers. What's implicit in your words and SO important is the message that there's no shortcut on this 'train ride' to hope; you simply cannot bypass hopelessness in the journey towards realistic hope. The trouble with our culture is that fairy tale hope is dangled in front of us (and that doesn't require a helluva lot of hard work, but it doesn't build substance either).
Also, kudos to you for representing spiritual guidance as the conductor, NOT the driver: the ego drives; the spirit conducts/guides.
Wow, David, there's such depth to you, and your work is soul food!
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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What a fabulous metaphor for the tortuous, torturous labyrinthine journey through soul (a shitty trip, just coming out of one!).
What comes to mind is the story (in Greek mythology) of the Minotaur, the monster with the head of a bull and the body of a man, who was banished to the centre of the labyrinth. Those daredevils who entered the maze were either killed by the Minotaur, or went insane as they got lost in it for eternity.
Until now though, I've interpreted this monster as rage (who wouldn't be pissed off being imprisoned like that?!), but now I understand this beast as representing hopelessness. On first reading, I thought you'd covered all but this most painful of all human emotions. But I can see it's there, you've just called it 'dispirit'. With the personified characters of ancient myth being the archetypes for all human thoughts and behaviours, it's not surprising that most are reluctant to come face to face with hopelessness (given that so many entered the labyrinth, lost their way and went mad). But it's important to remember that ONE character (Theseus) entered, slayed the monster, and returned! So, there is an aspect of psyche in every human that has the capacity to do so.
I don't know if you're familiar with the story, but you must be, at some level because, to me, this piece of yours is the story in modern dress. You've just presented it in a way that's maybe more accessible to most readers. What's implicit in your words and SO important is the message that there's no shortcut on this 'train ride' to hope; you simply cannot bypass hopelessness in the journey towards realistic hope. The trouble with our culture is that fairy tale hope is dangled in front of us (and that doesn't require a helluva lot of hard work, but it doesn't build substance either).
Also, kudos to you for representing spiritual guidance as the conductor, NOT the driver: the ego drives; the spirit conducts/guides.
Wow, David, there's such depth to you, and your work is soul food!
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 11-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Paula! As always, you add layers to the work just by your own contributions, and I hadn't even considered the comparison to the Minotaur, which is surprising because I love that story, and Greek mythology in general. If I'm deep, I'm still digging to get to you, m'lady, and I so appreciate the time you spend, and the mind expended on my work. I'm truly grateful for your thoughts, which tell me my time wasn't wasted, and that there is some value to be found in the conceit. Thank you! For the six, but mostly for you. David
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Thanks David, for your lovely words ;-).
And re the myths, I can't say that I'm familiar with many, but I do love the ESSENCE of classical mythology: the many personified aspects of psyche represented and revered (ugly ones included) through its polytheistic nature. They're NOT the worship of false gods, which is such a widespread misconception. Mythical consciousness is just another way of saying 'soul' (languishing in the masses). Young kids display it when they personify their teddy bears etc. Ancient mythology so needs to be part of the school curriculum to help keep all aspects of psyche alive.
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I couldn't agree more, Paula. Thank you!
Comment from Janet Foor
Excellent piece of poetry! Wonderful metaphor of a train being our life's journey with all the ups and downs. Perfect meter and rhyme. I loved all the poetic devices used throughout this well written poem.
Blessings
Janet
The work and thought alone you've put into this, on top of the entertainment value, warrants my sixer.
This deserves to be nominated for 'Poem of the Month' IMO.
Superior poetry!
I wish I could write HALF this well!
Best wishes, Ted
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Excellent piece of poetry! Wonderful metaphor of a train being our life's journey with all the ups and downs. Perfect meter and rhyme. I loved all the poetic devices used throughout this well written poem.
Blessings
Janet
The work and thought alone you've put into this, on top of the entertainment value, warrants my sixer.
This deserves to be nominated for 'Poem of the Month' IMO.
Superior poetry!
I wish I could write HALF this well!
Best wishes, Ted
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Janet! I really appreciate the great review!
Comment from Alanna Renee
This is a marvelous piece of work! You have such beautiful and descriptive language: "the iron streets of bitter, the hollow mine depressed", "deathly devastation of romantic suicide", "a twister-wasted plain". I love the analogy of the train ride and the use of personification. It is a deeply emotional poem with resounding hope. --Alanna
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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This is a marvelous piece of work! You have such beautiful and descriptive language: "the iron streets of bitter, the hollow mine depressed", "deathly devastation of romantic suicide", "a twister-wasted plain". I love the analogy of the train ride and the use of personification. It is a deeply emotional poem with resounding hope. --Alanna
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Alanna, thank you so much for your great review! I really appreciate the six-star rating, your sharing of your favorite lines, and your very kind words. David
Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow
Wow, David, I don't think I've ever seen you write something of this length, ever!!! I'm impressed, my friend. I love where your ride started and how the journey ended. Great story written in metered verse and I love the way you have it flowing like a story down the page. Impressive.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Wow, David, I don't think I've ever seen you write something of this length, ever!!! I'm impressed, my friend. I love where your ride started and how the journey ended. Great story written in metered verse and I love the way you have it flowing like a story down the page. Impressive.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, JL. I never intended it to go on this long, but it seemed to carry itself without that let-down that can occur. I really appreciate the sixer, and your kind words, my friend.
Comment from Katzintx
Now there you go ..ruined the player persona..I love the highlighted bold words. It adds another level to an already well crafted work. I am getting tired of typing well done..so Good Work..
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Now there you go ..ruined the player persona..I love the highlighted bold words. It adds another level to an already well crafted work. I am getting tired of typing well done..so Good Work..
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Kat! You know I have to keep ya'll guessing, right? ;-) I really appreciate the kind words! D
Comment from Righteous Riter
Good solid rhyming couplets. Good end rhyming. Good Description that creates a clear image in my mind. Good internal rhymes. Nice rhythm and flow. I love this message. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Good solid rhyming couplets. Good end rhyming. Good Description that creates a clear image in my mind. Good internal rhymes. Nice rhythm and flow. I love this message. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, RR.
Comment from Domino 2
brilliant personification and dramatic expression of so many emotions and senses, David.
Terrific metaphor in 'a train' of life's journey - its ups and downs, stops and starts, and lessons learned, resulting in refreshed positivity.
Top meter and rhymes, needless to say.
A bit long for my pathetic attention spell, but your amazing talent held it throughout.
The work and thought alone you've put into this, on top of the entertainment value, warrants my sixer.
This deserves to be nominated for 'Poem of the Month' IMO.
Superior poetry!
I wish I could write HALF this well!
Best wishes, Ted
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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brilliant personification and dramatic expression of so many emotions and senses, David.
Terrific metaphor in 'a train' of life's journey - its ups and downs, stops and starts, and lessons learned, resulting in refreshed positivity.
Top meter and rhymes, needless to say.
A bit long for my pathetic attention spell, but your amazing talent held it throughout.
The work and thought alone you've put into this, on top of the entertainment value, warrants my sixer.
This deserves to be nominated for 'Poem of the Month' IMO.
Superior poetry!
I wish I could write HALF this well!
Best wishes, Ted
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, Ted, for the sixer, but also for your wonderful compliments. I think you sell yourself way short.
This one was quite lengthy, and it definitely went beyond what I thought it would, but I let the muse chug along till it was finished. Glad it held your attention. I have the same problem with "drifting" if something doesn't interest me, which is why I only review what I like or think I can assist with.
Many thanks, again, my friend.
Comment from Gloria ....
I really enjoyed this one, David. It's the kind of poetry I like a lot. Of course it's written in perfect meter and brilliant rhyme so my comments are directed to content.
"When Anger showed, we rattled through it, as so many never leave," - very true. Anger is so powerful its allure can be quite appealing because we can easily be deceived into believing it puts us in control. It's something to hold onto that isn't as vulnerable as sorrow. Sadly, it's all too easy to get stuck there.
I wondered why you chose to use quotation marks AND italics for the Conductor. I have an idea, but I would like to know what your thought process is.
Iron streets of Bitter is an apt description as is the hollow mine of Depressed.
I couldn't agree more that love is hard but mainly because we think of love as a feeling rather than a decision to care about the well-being of another person.
Then of course I'm terribly fond of trains so that setting only served to enhance the beauty of the poem to me.
Love it!
Gloria
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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I really enjoyed this one, David. It's the kind of poetry I like a lot. Of course it's written in perfect meter and brilliant rhyme so my comments are directed to content.
"When Anger showed, we rattled through it, as so many never leave," - very true. Anger is so powerful its allure can be quite appealing because we can easily be deceived into believing it puts us in control. It's something to hold onto that isn't as vulnerable as sorrow. Sadly, it's all too easy to get stuck there.
I wondered why you chose to use quotation marks AND italics for the Conductor. I have an idea, but I would like to know what your thought process is.
Iron streets of Bitter is an apt description as is the hollow mine of Depressed.
I couldn't agree more that love is hard but mainly because we think of love as a feeling rather than a decision to care about the well-being of another person.
Then of course I'm terribly fond of trains so that setting only served to enhance the beauty of the poem to me.
Love it!
Gloria
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Hi Gloria! Thank you so very much, my friend! To answer your question, I used both italics and quotes because it was, in essence, an internal conversation, so the "quotes" were from a character in my mind, but they were really just thoughts. I hope that makes sense, and I hope it's what you were thinking.
I'm so glad this one resonated with you, my friend.
David
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Oh yes, I knew it's a metaphorical journey, and that it was internal dialogue. But what I was questioning is, is it standard procedure to use both italics and quotes for internal dialogue? As it might seem to be along the lines of saying I thought to myself.
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Gloria, that's a good question, and I'm not sure if one way is more right than another. In this case, if I'd presented them just as internal thoughts, I'd have probably left the quotation marks off, but since I was presenting them as being spoken by a character, I used both. I also like the contrast of dialogue, so setting it apart with italics seems to be a good way to do it. It's probably just personal preference, and I might even do it differently next time.
Comment from American Patriot
02/09/2014 Hello! This poem has rhyme, rhythm, beat, flow, capitalization, and finalizing punctuation. The "tone" and "voice" of this poem are a tad bit extreme. With fairness as a reviewer, congratulations on your poem! - Respectively, Jason Robert Van Pelt
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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02/09/2014 Hello! This poem has rhyme, rhythm, beat, flow, capitalization, and finalizing punctuation. The "tone" and "voice" of this poem are a tad bit extreme. With fairness as a reviewer, congratulations on your poem! - Respectively, Jason Robert Van Pelt
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Thank you, AP, for your review. Honestly, this is the third review you've given me, and with all due respect, you haven't shown any ability to fully understand conceits, style, or intent, settling instead on some kind of script with perhaps a single statement thrown in for effect. With fairness as a writer, I'd appreciate it you wouldn't review me anymore. Respectfully, David.
Comment from janalma
Wow. You are a word master. I can't imagine writing a poem like this, which is intelligible even tho you are using selected words in a conceptual way. And to do it for an extended poem. Wow.
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Wow. You are a word master. I can't imagine writing a poem like this, which is intelligible even tho you are using selected words in a conceptual way. And to do it for an extended poem. Wow.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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You're so kind, janalma. Thank you so much for the sixer, and for your kind words. I do truly appreciate it.
