A Continental Breakfast
flash fiction 100-150 word story27 total reviews
Comment from Val Crisson
Perfect entry and perfect "flash" fiction, with an amazing twist at the end. This should really do well in the contest. "I've always been more clever than other children" - haunting line. Also, the presentation really works for this piece.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Perfect entry and perfect "flash" fiction, with an amazing twist at the end. This should really do well in the contest. "I've always been more clever than other children" - haunting line. Also, the presentation really works for this piece.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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How very encouraging! I appreciate the great review. Win or lose I will have a big smile from that. Thank you very much!!
Comment from maggieadams
You are clever, aren't you. Had to reread the first paragraph and then the prompt because I couldn't really grasp why the rock was involved. Well done with real dialogue versus internal dialogue.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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You are clever, aren't you. Had to reread the first paragraph and then the prompt because I couldn't really grasp why the rock was involved. Well done with real dialogue versus internal dialogue.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Well, I hope so! Hahaha. Not always. Glad you liked this though. What do they say, too clever for his own good? I am that pretty often!!
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Hardly wait for the big reveal.
Comment from LorraineK
A cleverly written short story about a man's cleverly orchestrated cover up. A lot happened in so few words. I was wondering what it was all leading to. Great suspense and a great surprise ending. LorraineK
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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A cleverly written short story about a man's cleverly orchestrated cover up. A lot happened in so few words. I was wondering what it was all leading to. Great suspense and a great surprise ending. LorraineK
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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I am so pleased that you enjoyed it. Thank you kindly!!
Comment from lancellot
It is an interesting idea for flash fiction, but the ending isn't really a twist or maybe I watch too much Snapped. The word limit forces too much details to be left out, but an okay tale.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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It is an interesting idea for flash fiction, but the ending isn't really a twist or maybe I watch too much Snapped. The word limit forces too much details to be left out, but an okay tale.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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My wife loves snapped and I am too dumb to be nervous. Hahaha. Tried for a pop, pop, pop type effect. Could've used a few more words. Maybe after the little contest I'll spend some more time with it. Looks like jail the way it is now!!
Comment from tfawcus
Splendid story! The perfect crime, or so it seems! You'd have to be pretty sure of your anatomy to try this one! I enjoyed it all the way. It would make a great start to a longer story.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Splendid story! The perfect crime, or so it seems! You'd have to be pretty sure of your anatomy to try this one! I enjoyed it all the way. It would make a great start to a longer story.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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I hadn't thought of that. Hmm. I may do that. So pleased you enjoyed it. It seems to be doing okay. I will cross my fingers. Maybe imaginary drinks all around!!
Comment from nelliesellie
I love the story. The guy may be too clever for his own good. He is lucky he did not kill him self. I hope his girl friend gets some brains. I would not sleep with anyone willing to kill his bed mate so he could get another one. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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I love the story. The guy may be too clever for his own good. He is lucky he did not kill him self. I hope his girl friend gets some brains. I would not sleep with anyone willing to kill his bed mate so he could get another one. Great work. Good luck with the contest.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hahaha. Good point. I have the feeling he is going to be sleeping with "Bubba" in cell 23!! Thank you very much.
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You are so right!!!
Comment from Twilightspire
Awesome, pure bliss. This is the way flash fiction should be written. A clear beginning, middle and end. I loved the story, you showed more in a tiny paragraph then most show in an entire story. Excellent job, with no spag and you stayed well within the boundaries of the contest. Excellent job and good luck!
-T.J.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Awesome, pure bliss. This is the way flash fiction should be written. A clear beginning, middle and end. I loved the story, you showed more in a tiny paragraph then most show in an entire story. Excellent job, with no spag and you stayed well within the boundaries of the contest. Excellent job and good luck!
-T.J.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much. This is the first time I felt like I really wrote a flash fiction story. I am so delighted with your review. Smiling ear to ear. Maybe a cartwheel later!! This will work as my reward win or lose!!
Comment from w.j.debi
A perfect crime is what all criminals think they are pulling off. Time will tell if there was a mistake that gets him caught or not. Interesting little tale. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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A perfect crime is what all criminals think they are pulling off. Time will tell if there was a mistake that gets him caught or not. Interesting little tale. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Glad you found it interesting. I may have to win. I'll probably need the money to buy coffee in jail! Thank you. I'll cross my fingers.
Comment from humpwhistle
Interesting little scenario. But if I were a detective, I'd be puzzled about your 911 message:
"Someone broke into my house and stabbed me. They got my wallet. Hurry, I think I'm dying."
No mention of your wife, sir. No concern about her well-being. You're more concerned about your wallet than your wife? I don't care what you say about the pain, a man in your position ought to be more concerned about his wife than his wallet.
A perfect crime?
We'll find evidence about your gitlfriend. The ME will confirm that a downward blade between the sixth and seventh ribs is . . . convenient.
Plus, you have an accomplice. Bad idea. Also, where were you when you called your wife? Do you have witnesses?
I know you had only 150 words to work with. Maybe you made the plot too complicated. There are serious holes.
Just playing detective.
Best of luck with voters.
Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Interesting little scenario. But if I were a detective, I'd be puzzled about your 911 message:
"Someone broke into my house and stabbed me. They got my wallet. Hurry, I think I'm dying."
No mention of your wife, sir. No concern about her well-being. You're more concerned about your wallet than your wife? I don't care what you say about the pain, a man in your position ought to be more concerned about his wife than his wallet.
A perfect crime?
We'll find evidence about your gitlfriend. The ME will confirm that a downward blade between the sixth and seventh ribs is . . . convenient.
Plus, you have an accomplice. Bad idea. Also, where were you when you called your wife? Do you have witnesses?
I know you had only 150 words to work with. Maybe you made the plot too complicated. There are serious holes.
Just playing detective.
Best of luck with voters.
Peace, Lee
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Yeah. I'm ending up in jail. I never said I was a good criminal, just a criminal!! He doesn't know about his wife theoretically, that is why he called and left a message. The 911 responders can verify he was there within five or ten minutes of his call. But, my two-faced girlfriend and that damned Quincy are going to do me in. Great detective work. I hope I win. I'm going to need the money for coffee and top raman!!
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Hey, thanks for humoring me about my detective work. I'm just busting chops. But even if the protagonist wasn't aware of his wife's condition, wouldn't he be worried about her? Wouldn't he call for her even before he dialed 911? If she didn't come to his aid, his wallet would be the last thing on his mind. Simple: Change the 911 call and leave out the bloody wallet! To paraphrase Bill Clinton, It's the wife, stupid!
Hey, he's going to get caught anyway. It ain't 'the butler did it' anymore, it's the husband. Too many people know. The mistress, and the rock thrower.
Sherlock Humps
Still, best of luck.
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Hahaha. Hey, if I was smart I'd have a real job!! Good advice though. I think I shall look at after the contest. It appears I will have lots of time on my hands.....
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Watch! You'll win, and all my fine detective work will go for naught. Sheesh!
Hey, good luck. L
Comment from Spiritual Echo
This is very clever and well executed, save all but the last line, which threw my--a touch. I imagine that the reference to 'other children' is a generic sentence, referring to a cliché, of sorts, but I have to admit, it threw me in context of the wife/girlfriend.
Very good use of the prompt words without bringing attention to the use of the words.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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This is very clever and well executed, save all but the last line, which threw my--a touch. I imagine that the reference to 'other children' is a generic sentence, referring to a cliché, of sorts, but I have to admit, it threw me in context of the wife/girlfriend.
Very good use of the prompt words without bringing attention to the use of the words.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Yes. Maybe a little too obscure. A John Lennon quote. You are probably correct that it won't be recognized by very many people and that makes it stand out as something odd. Glad you liked the rest of it though. Thank you very much!
