Face Off
Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "Good Bye, Edward"A Whole New Identity
21 total reviews
Comment from TervLass
Wonderful chapter, no reading issues. The plot is moving forward quickly!
Each character is performing well within their intended structure. The read is not held up by anything.
(I am playing "catch up" having been away from my desk for several days. Reading back chapters to become current.
Helen
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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Wonderful chapter, no reading issues. The plot is moving forward quickly!
Each character is performing well within their intended structure. The read is not held up by anything.
(I am playing "catch up" having been away from my desk for several days. Reading back chapters to become current.
Helen
Comment Written 12-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014
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You're such a peach, Helen, and I appreciate being able to read your reviews. You give me insight and encouragement, both are needed and appreciated!
Grins and hugs,
Gayle
Comment from allborn66
This is a very nice chapter. We found out a little more about the characters by what they did. The dialogue sounds natural.
Barbara
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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This is a very nice chapter. We found out a little more about the characters by what they did. The dialogue sounds natural.
Barbara
Comment Written 10-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 11-Feb-2014
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Hi Barbara,
Poor Edward, huh? I'm really getting to like him and now he's leaving!
Thanks so much,
Gayle
Comment from bookishfabler
Oh such secret lives. O love this book. It is different, yet familiar because of the regular characters. I saw no nits or spags to speak of and , you guessed, no Evil Eddie. Great job. I am staying awake long enough to read the next chapter.
hugs Heidi
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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Oh such secret lives. O love this book. It is different, yet familiar because of the regular characters. I saw no nits or spags to speak of and , you guessed, no Evil Eddie. Great job. I am staying awake long enough to read the next chapter.
hugs Heidi
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2014
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I'm so glad you like this one, Heidi. Freddie thinks this might be the best one yet. I'll be able to tell more once we really take off. There was so much setup to do with this one!
Thanks so much, my friend,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from TheWriteTeach
Talk about suspense. I didn't even realize it, but I was holding my breath while reading the part where Edward tells Julia all the stuff about Ari coming to New York, etc. There are so many things that could happen to Julia and Brad. They are going to face many bumps in the road before all is said and done. Very well done.
Suz
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Talk about suspense. I didn't even realize it, but I was holding my breath while reading the part where Edward tells Julia all the stuff about Ari coming to New York, etc. There are so many things that could happen to Julia and Brad. They are going to face many bumps in the road before all is said and done. Very well done.
Suz
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Well, we have to see what happens next. I'm excited for sure. My goodness, Suz, what a trooper! I think you're up to snuff now. Buckle up, we're about to fly.
Hugs and big thanks,
Gayle
Comment from allinmyhead
I haven't read the previous chapters, but this chapter read so well I not only didn't feel lost or confused, I felt comfortable with the characters. I then read the Author Notes for a quick catchup. Very intriguing storyline, like a twisting mountain road. You never know what's ahead: a major rockfall or a tempting side road.
The dialogue was clean, with an easy flow. There was just enough description to set the scene. Great work here.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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I haven't read the previous chapters, but this chapter read so well I not only didn't feel lost or confused, I felt comfortable with the characters. I then read the Author Notes for a quick catchup. Very intriguing storyline, like a twisting mountain road. You never know what's ahead: a major rockfall or a tempting side road.
The dialogue was clean, with an easy flow. There was just enough description to set the scene. Great work here.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much for the great comments and stars. I'm glad you liked it and hope you'll be back again!
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Writingfundimension
Hi, Gayle. Wow, this chapter had it all. I loved the way my senses were engaged through the food and then the descriptions of Julia's new looks. So gratifying to think she's got the chance for a new life. And then, you put in that tension involving Ari. Totally enjoyable, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hi, Gayle. Wow, this chapter had it all. I loved the way my senses were engaged through the food and then the descriptions of Julia's new looks. So gratifying to think she's got the chance for a new life. And then, you put in that tension involving Ari. Totally enjoyable, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment Written 09-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hey Bev, I am sooo glad to get on with this! I felt like I was stuck in neutral there for a while, but we're back in gear.
Thanks so much for the outstanding sixer - so lovely, and for the words of encouragement. It means a lot coming from you!
Hugs,
Gayle
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You're very welcome, Gayle. I know what you mean about feeling stuck LOL. Some chapters come easier than others. Have a great week, my friend.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from Ted T
Hi Gayle :)
Still out of "Sixers" for you, but the chapter is worthy of one. Although well written, It's a bit narrative intensive, but that's just my take.
Here's some possible nits:
I sense a need for a transition between the evening ending and being dropped into the clinic the next day.
The following might be a POV shift from the doctor back to Julia, I'm not sure.
Dr. Parisi took one look at Julia and grinned. ?Wow,? he said succinctly. ?An unqualified success, and what a beauty you are, my dear.? He patted her hand and she blinked back quick tears.
Is there something missing with the 'clinking' glass?
?To a new and happy life.? She clinked her rim against and sipped the delicious bubbles.
Otherwise, great work.
Ted
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hi Gayle :)
Still out of "Sixers" for you, but the chapter is worthy of one. Although well written, It's a bit narrative intensive, but that's just my take.
Here's some possible nits:
I sense a need for a transition between the evening ending and being dropped into the clinic the next day.
The following might be a POV shift from the doctor back to Julia, I'm not sure.
Dr. Parisi took one look at Julia and grinned. ?Wow,? he said succinctly. ?An unqualified success, and what a beauty you are, my dear.? He patted her hand and she blinked back quick tears.
Is there something missing with the 'clinking' glass?
?To a new and happy life.? She clinked her rim against and sipped the delicious bubbles.
Otherwise, great work.
Ted
Comment Written 08-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hey Ted, your virtuals are always good enough for me! Let me check on the nits you've pointed out and see what I should do. I feel we're about to take of after a bit of bogging down.
Thank you so much for the comments and input, they're so appreciated.
Hugs,
Gayle
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Okay, just minor issues. The tone and pace of the story is in your court.
I've given up trying to explain why I paragraph the way I do, or why I didn't use more description here or there. I'll never try to tell you how to do any of those things unless it's absolutely necessary.
I'm getting uninformed FS reviewers trying to revise entire segments of "Return of Evil" and they don't know what they're talking about.
BTW: you're behind on reviewing my chapters. I've already started ch-3 and moving along. There's a lot to keep up with.
More later,
Ted
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, I am nervous now, especially that Ari is looking for Julia. I hope she confesses all to Brad very soon because he will know how to protect her. Sorry, I get very involved with stories! Giddy
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Oh, I am nervous now, especially that Ari is looking for Julia. I hope she confesses all to Brad very soon because he will know how to protect her. Sorry, I get very involved with stories! Giddy
Comment Written 08-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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NEVER be sorry for getting involved in the story. It's music to an author's ears, for sure.
Yes, I'm a bit scared for her, too. I get a feeling she needs a dog, lol, so we're going to see more of Ella and Terry.
Thanks so much, my friend,
Hugs,
Gayle
Comment from Bayberry
I would love to experience a restaurant like the one you've describe early in the posting. Wow. :-)
You're very skilled at intertwining dialogue that moves the story along with the facts presented in the connective paragraphs. I also enjoyed much of the imagery you provide the reader, such as:
Tendrils of merlot-colored curls framed her cheeks and the nape of her neck.
If I had a six left it would be yours. Sorry that I read this so late in the week.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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I would love to experience a restaurant like the one you've describe early in the posting. Wow. :-)
You're very skilled at intertwining dialogue that moves the story along with the facts presented in the connective paragraphs. I also enjoyed much of the imagery you provide the reader, such as:
Tendrils of merlot-colored curls framed her cheeks and the nape of her neck.
If I had a six left it would be yours. Sorry that I read this so late in the week.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Hi Bayberry, and thank you so much for enjoying the chapter. You have to come out to Beverly Hills, and you'll find lots of restaurants like Ella's. In the next chapter, I'm going to give a bit of a description but I'm trying to stay away from too much description!
So nice to meet you and I hope to see you again soon,
Gayle
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Now I am officially worried about Julia. I can't imagine what she is going to do. I am sure will be able to help her, but will he discover the truth in time.
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Now I am officially worried about Julia. I can't imagine what she is going to do. I am sure will be able to help her, but will he discover the truth in time.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2014
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Me too! And I don't feel good about Edward's chances, either. I think we're going to be seeing Ari up close and a lot more personal than we want to!
Thanks so much Barbara,
Hugs,
Gayle
