The Devil by Firelight , part 4
Jenny is alone with Fin26 total reviews
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Maybe this post was before Jenny attacked Patrick with a poker? Or is this after? Not sure, I may have read them in the wrong order. Poor Jenny now has her hands tied here, whatever next. Patrick is so evil and nothing good will come out of this, a fine chapter Gretchen, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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Maybe this post was before Jenny attacked Patrick with a poker? Or is this after? Not sure, I may have read them in the wrong order. Poor Jenny now has her hands tied here, whatever next. Patrick is so evil and nothing good will come out of this, a fine chapter Gretchen, love Dolly x
Comment Written 20-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2023
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This is part four. Way back. I posted part 11 this morning. Thank you for this. Gretchen
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I must have missed this one, anyway I have caught up now.
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Gretchen,
this is a pretty dark tale for sure. I hope it works out for the good for Jenny. Fin sounds like a pervert as well as a generally overall evil person. Thanks for sharing.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
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Hello Gretchen,
this is a pretty dark tale for sure. I hope it works out for the good for Jenny. Fin sounds like a pervert as well as a generally overall evil person. Thanks for sharing.
Have a blessed day.
Tom
Comment Written 18-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Tom. I couldn't write anything this dark now. But nine years ago, it is where I was at, apparently. Appreciate your review. Gretchen
Comment from Ric Myworld
A tale of good and evil, which sounds a whole lot like life. Those cycles that revolve almost in circles leaving us wondering what will happen next. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2023
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A tale of good and evil, which sounds a whole lot like life. Those cycles that revolve almost in circles leaving us wondering what will happen next. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Ric. I'm glad you enjoyed this. Gretchen
Comment from Irene Bratton
Hi, Gretchen. I like how you've written this one to show us a little more of Fin's personality. I still don't like him, but I do have a smidge of sympathy for him being under his brother's control. Just a smidge, though.
More corrections...
Paragraph 1:
"He tied Jenny to a chair and once he was sure she was secure, he handed the knife to Fin." --> "...chair, and..."
Paragraph 3:
"Fin nodded, looking at this brother..." --> "...his brother..."
Paragraph 4:
"Her brain was in over drive..." --> "overdrive"
Paragraph 9:
"He brought a cup back, and..." --> no comma
Paragraph 17:
"Again he shook his head..." --> comma after "Again"
Paragraph 22:
"...in his attempt to defect the blame off of Patrick." --> "deflect"; "of" not needed
Paragraph 23:
"Patrick is still hurting him, even thought Jeremy is no threat." --> "though"
Paragraph 32:
"At last he came to what he was looking for." --> comma after "last"
"...pocket and laid down..." --> "laid" should be "lay"
(End nitpicking)
Excellent character building and suspense. I especially enjoyed how Jenny wasn't afraid to talk back to Fin. She knows he's weak, and she's using it to her advantage.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
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Hi, Gretchen. I like how you've written this one to show us a little more of Fin's personality. I still don't like him, but I do have a smidge of sympathy for him being under his brother's control. Just a smidge, though.
More corrections...
Paragraph 1:
"He tied Jenny to a chair and once he was sure she was secure, he handed the knife to Fin." --> "...chair, and..."
Paragraph 3:
"Fin nodded, looking at this brother..." --> "...his brother..."
Paragraph 4:
"Her brain was in over drive..." --> "overdrive"
Paragraph 9:
"He brought a cup back, and..." --> no comma
Paragraph 17:
"Again he shook his head..." --> comma after "Again"
Paragraph 22:
"...in his attempt to defect the blame off of Patrick." --> "deflect"; "of" not needed
Paragraph 23:
"Patrick is still hurting him, even thought Jeremy is no threat." --> "though"
Paragraph 32:
"At last he came to what he was looking for." --> comma after "last"
"...pocket and laid down..." --> "laid" should be "lay"
(End nitpicking)
Excellent character building and suspense. I especially enjoyed how Jenny wasn't afraid to talk back to Fin. She knows he's weak, and she's using it to her advantage.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
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Thank you once more for the editing advice. I will fix these things as soon as possible. Thank you so much. Gretchen
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is dark because Patrick is very violent and willing to do things to people without any conscience to hold him back. Jenny is in a lot of danger and so is her brother. I think overdrive is one word.
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
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This is dark because Patrick is very violent and willing to do things to people without any conscience to hold him back. Jenny is in a lot of danger and so is her brother. I think overdrive is one word.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2023
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Thank you for the edit. Much appreciated. Yes, Patrick is a wild card. Gretchen
Comment from BethShelby
I'm sure Patrick is planning to rape her and I don't know how she can excape that since you keep warning that this is dark. I will continue as long as I can. I have to keep telling myself it is fiction although these kinds of rings happen to real people.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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I'm sure Patrick is planning to rape her and I don't know how she can excape that since you keep warning that this is dark. I will continue as long as I can. I have to keep telling myself it is fiction although these kinds of rings happen to real people.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Next chapter is the worst. Then Jenny starts to make plans. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This doesn't look good for Jenny. I am afraid Patrick is going to rape her. I hope somehow somebody comes to the kids rescue, but so far it appears nobody knows what's happened to them. Good writing.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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This doesn't look good for Jenny. I am afraid Patrick is going to rape her. I hope somehow somebody comes to the kids rescue, but so far it appears nobody knows what's happened to them. Good writing.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Thank you, Barbara. Patrick has no conscience. He wants everyone to be miserable. Gretchen
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Still sticking with you. Your story is strong, but it seems awfully short. Is it that I just want more, or did you write less than 1,200 words? I read a lot and I am just voracious. Good work. Karen
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Still sticking with you. Your story is strong, but it seems awfully short. Is it that I just want more, or did you write less than 1,200 words? I read a lot and I am just voracious. Good work. Karen
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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This is short. Sometimes the cutoff for a scene is less than a full post.
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understood Karen
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
He's sick! But Jenny will do what he wants, he knows that, while he had Jeremy, he'll get whatever he wants. I do hope his brother finds some courage soon. He knows his brother is evil. You are certainly writing this story well, Gretchen! You have all the thoughts, the nastiness of Patrick, I do wonder what happened to make him so bad. Excellent writing again, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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He's sick! But Jenny will do what he wants, he knows that, while he had Jeremy, he'll get whatever he wants. I do hope his brother finds some courage soon. He knows his brother is evil. You are certainly writing this story well, Gretchen! You have all the thoughts, the nastiness of Patrick, I do wonder what happened to make him so bad. Excellent writing again, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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Thanks, Sandra. This is a dark one. Pure evil against good. Next couple of segments delve into each of the four. Helps make each one a little more human. Thank you for this. Gretchen
Comment from JSD
How do you do it? How do you allow yourself to explore more evidence of evil and horror? I am in awe, once again. This is utterly compelling, but then that is normal for your writing.
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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How do you do it? How do you allow yourself to explore more evidence of evil and horror? I am in awe, once again. This is utterly compelling, but then that is normal for your writing.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2023
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2023
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I wrote this a while ago. I'm no where near this anymore. Thankfully. Thanks for reading. Gretchen
