Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

LOL--I enjoy your roguish wit, dear friend, especially when it's delivered with such fantastic flow and musical rhyming (well timed internal ones--and clever rhyme pairs, too). I know you know i noticed all the nuances of consonance, alliteration, assonance, etc. So i won't list them---just applauding...

clap clap!

Funniest lines:

And through my walls she fries me with a battered common sense.

And ego-shaped contusions mark my bruises by the bunch;

With subtle body english, and a darkly-earned acclaim.

Superb extended metaphor of spinning wheels.

Thanks for another entertaining read with masterful word-strokes (no pun intended).

Warm Smiles,
rd

PS Brilliant funny-punny title too!

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

And thank YOU, my friend, for your sixer and the kind words. You know me so well, and I appreciate that, too. You actually picked the lines I would list as my favorites, too. :)

reply by rama devi on 03-Feb-2014

:-)))

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Excellent

this is very well written, marillion, you did an excellent job writing this couplet poem about the woman who harms the egos of those who want her. I enjoyed reading this one.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, my friend. I appreciate it.

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

Good solid rhyming couplets. Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with punch/bunch. Good internal rhyming. Good alliteration with my/muscle...surreptitious/shield...tit/tat...her/hard...mark/my/bruises/by/bunch...so/scatter...start/spinning. Good simile use with like two ambitious dancers...like a wheel. Good complimentary followed by a clear message.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, RR.

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

'The Wheel Of Miss Fortune.'
Her wisdom cleaves my answers as we volley, tit-for-tat,
Like two ambitious dancers in a lead-or-follow spat. I do like the challenges you throw each other. Well done.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, Chase.

reply by chasennov on 03-Feb-2014

You are most welcome.

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

A fourteener, wow! You're bringing out the big guns now. I'll say one thing for this rogue event, the poetry is mighty fine. Everyone is upping the poetic ante. Good stuff.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thank you so much, my friend. I've released a few of these, and some Sixteeners, too, but I like to mix it up. I appreciate it!

Comment from robina1978

Excellent

Excellent the two meter forms in one poem and used well. It rhymes and has internal rhyme. A catching title and an excellent photo to complement it. The girl does not like your advances but you did not get hurt.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, Ine. I appreciate it.

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid rhyming couplets
love the cleverness of the tit-for-tat/lead-or-follow spat passage
good alliteration in phrases like bruises by the bunch
good internal rhyme in phrases like still I kill
I like the rhymes half way through each line like conclusions/contusions, error/terror
and I'm crazy for all the hyphenates
Brooke :-)

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Brooke. I'm mad for hyphens, too. I think it adds opportunities for unique phrasing. Much appreciated! :)

Comment from Dawn of Tomorrow

Excellent

You know I've always wanted you to find someone that would stop that wheel from spinning. Mostly I just want you to be happy and I guess you seem to be. Great job with the internal rhymes as always.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, my friend. With my caregiving, it's become nearly impossible, but I've always appreciated your wishes, JL. :)

Comment from JeffreyVPerry

Excellent

Your poem makes me recall Vanna White on Wheel of Fortune enticing me to hope to complete a puzzle and win the game. Then, to have a chance at the big puzzle for the biggest prize, which would her? No, it is all just an illusion! Surely a woman, any women can be quite a prize. I never went to school to learn how to write poetry, but I started at seven just writing. Your style here is careful and precise. I did not enjoy the wait for the for it to come together just at the end with the mention of the spin and spinning heart.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thanks very much for the review, Jeffrey. I appreciate it.

Comment from Acquired Taste

Excellent

Again, Marillion, your author notes speak a language which seems a bit like Latin. Absolutely have no idea (even after goggling it) so - I will review as I always do...if I like it or not.

Yes, I like it. I actually believe I understand each and every line, regardless of what ever "bic...meter" it contains.

That said, you are an amazing wordsmith and regardless of what you offer - it is always enjoyable and...masterful.

Excellent.

AT=/

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

---

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, AT. I guess I'm trying to help people identify the forms being used, and if they're not interested they can skip the notes part. I know I'd probably skip them, too. ;-)

I really appreciate your kind words, my friend.

reply by Acquired Taste on 03-Feb-2014

Skipping the notes is not - from my perspective - a good idea. I like to learn about what I am reading. Well, with my limited familiarity with poetry. I always give it a shot - when it becomes more than I can absorb during a cup of French Roast - I go for enjoyment vs technical quality! Keep 'em coming.

AT=/

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

I do, too, but the technical flaws stick out at me when I see them. I think people may get irritated when I correct them, or try to, but if someone is going to write a piece that you call metered, then meter it...outside of the metrical substitutions used on purpose, that is. :-)

reply by Acquired Taste on 03-Feb-2014

I agree bunkee. But, at least for me, being on this site is not about always getting stars and cudos (yes, they are nice and I love them) - it is about learning something new as well as critiques (from knowledgeable authors) that will increase the clarity and "read value" of what I write.

So, if inclined bull right through anything I've posted - good, bad or indifferent. I only get annoyed when people I've come to respect think an offering of mine is 5 or 6, then a disgruntled grammar nazi or wannabe Stephen King jumps with both feet into the fray. That - makes me crazy. Have a good one big guy!