The Wheel of Miss Fortune
Endless Error43 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Aha! So THAT's what "heart like a wheel" means! Damn! I never knew what it meant... was in a song once...many years ago. Went over my head. So thanks for the belated lesson. I'll see you on Friday with a poem that will make the rogue shiver with fear and propose to the last whore left at closing time. :P
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Aha! So THAT's what "heart like a wheel" means! Damn! I never knew what it meant... was in a song once...many years ago. Went over my head. So thanks for the belated lesson. I'll see you on Friday with a poem that will make the rogue shiver with fear and propose to the last whore left at closing time. :P
Comment Written 04-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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It took me awhile to learn, too, Phyllis, though I guess there could be multiple meanings to it. Looking forward to Friday...and thank you for stopping by this one. I appreciate it!
Comment from Gloria ....
I'd like to solve the puzzle -- Please? Terrific job again dear, David. The best part of all is the great advice in the final line. Keep going, you've got the know how.
Cheers,
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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I'd like to solve the puzzle -- Please? Terrific job again dear, David. The best part of all is the great advice in the final line. Keep going, you've got the know how.
Cheers,
Gloria
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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I think you'd be quite capable of it, my friend. Thanks so much, Gloria. I appreciate you.
Comment from MercurySeven
Absolutely brilliant stuff, brother. From the title to the genius final couplet, it's just top drawer poetry all the way.
The conclusions/contusions rhyme hit the spot, and the "love-benumbing ride" made me grin. Nothing I'd change.
If anything, you're getting better. And that's both scary and awesome. I'll have to bookmark this one.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Absolutely brilliant stuff, brother. From the title to the genius final couplet, it's just top drawer poetry all the way.
The conclusions/contusions rhyme hit the spot, and the "love-benumbing ride" made me grin. Nothing I'd change.
If anything, you're getting better. And that's both scary and awesome. I'll have to bookmark this one.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much, my brother, for the great review, and for the praise that means so much coming from you. Hope to see something new from you soon, too.
Comment from emrpoems
Rhyming couplets.
Good internal rhymes --like still I kill
Good content and technique. Fine poetic expressions
Good use of alliteration --bruises by the bunch
Enjambment
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Rhyming couplets.
Good internal rhymes --like still I kill
Good content and technique. Fine poetic expressions
Good use of alliteration --bruises by the bunch
Enjambment
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you very much, emr! I appreciate it.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Hmm, of course it's perfect poetry, and so I'm left, yet again with nothing to say except how much I admire it, and your talent, unless I address content. (LOL) Hmm...a bit hard on ourselves, aren't we?
:) Kitty
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Hmm, of course it's perfect poetry, and so I'm left, yet again with nothing to say except how much I admire it, and your talent, unless I address content. (LOL) Hmm...a bit hard on ourselves, aren't we?
:) Kitty
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Kitty. Looking forward to your Friday hissing fit! ;) Yes, I'm my own worst enemy...or the rogue is.
Comment from Ben Colder
Well done poet. This poem is worded right on. The rhythm is there and has a vice flow which invites the reader to sail on to the end. Shalom my friend.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Well done poet. This poem is worded right on. The rhythm is there and has a vice flow which invites the reader to sail on to the end. Shalom my friend.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Thank you so much, Ben. I appreciate it!
Comment from closetpoetjester
Geez David, this one MUST be full of wisdom because you've mentioned her wisdom not once, but twice haha. Sounds like you've missed this fortune D and what a treasure she sounds. I'm sure plenty of women kick all that bullshit off the top with those heels and take pleasure in frying him for all he's worth. Well, I know of at least a couple anyway. After all it IS about the chase isn't it? Once you've firmly got the bull by the horn so to speak...well, it's not HALF as much fun as all those volleys, lobs and ralleys and tete'tetting inbetween. Anyway, she sounds like the sporty type and fit, flexible and ready for action...Just be on guard for the backspin. LMAO
So, with all the niceties out the way I have to tell you D, your work is SO good. Much like a refreshing Powerade in between games. Let those burning hearts pile up mate, sounds like you've got some darkly earned acclaim to pursue. Haha...so much excellent phrasing in this one, but that won't save you. Remember there are MANY great women champion tennis players. You may only come across a few in your lifetime. Sterling rhythm in this one too. Seems you ARE the meter master but honestly I would have accepted the combo with the trochaic. LOL I'm a big girl now.
Cheers P
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Geez David, this one MUST be full of wisdom because you've mentioned her wisdom not once, but twice haha. Sounds like you've missed this fortune D and what a treasure she sounds. I'm sure plenty of women kick all that bullshit off the top with those heels and take pleasure in frying him for all he's worth. Well, I know of at least a couple anyway. After all it IS about the chase isn't it? Once you've firmly got the bull by the horn so to speak...well, it's not HALF as much fun as all those volleys, lobs and ralleys and tete'tetting inbetween. Anyway, she sounds like the sporty type and fit, flexible and ready for action...Just be on guard for the backspin. LMAO
So, with all the niceties out the way I have to tell you D, your work is SO good. Much like a refreshing Powerade in between games. Let those burning hearts pile up mate, sounds like you've got some darkly earned acclaim to pursue. Haha...so much excellent phrasing in this one, but that won't save you. Remember there are MANY great women champion tennis players. You may only come across a few in your lifetime. Sterling rhythm in this one too. Seems you ARE the meter master but honestly I would have accepted the combo with the trochaic. LOL I'm a big girl now.
Cheers P
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Aren't you the trooper, my friend, accepting a trochaic presentation? You're a gem, my friend, and an excellent person to have across the net...unless you'd rather play some mixed doubles and get on my side for a bit. ;-)
Seriously, though, thank you so much for your great review, your kind words, your sense of humor, and the WISDOM. Yes, you're a wise one, too!
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LOL
I've ALWAYS been on your side David. I just can't let the cat outta the bad that qui....oops.
Gotta fly.
PS I'd be very dangerous at mixed doubles pal...well, that's if we were on the same team...but we CAN'T have that just yet, can we?
*smirk*
Oh yeah...I'm a WISE ass.
Comment from A Jesterstear
Great write Big M. All my sixes gone again... stiletto-chiselled truth... what a great line. Your ability to write poetry along with your great sense of humour are just Brilliant. Just be yourself and use the wheel as a conversation piece. AJ.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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Great write Big M. All my sixes gone again... stiletto-chiselled truth... what a great line. Your ability to write poetry along with your great sense of humour are just Brilliant. Just be yourself and use the wheel as a conversation piece. AJ.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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My brother, I'll alway gladly accept a virtual sixer, with gratitude. Thank you, my friend. The wheels IS a great conversation piece!
Comment from paulah60
What can I say?
Simply sublime.
I love your use of hyphenation (love using them myself). It adds such dimension to a piece because it activates and marries a number of spheres, and imbues the work with movement and life.
There are so many exceptional lines (and metaphors) here:
'stiletto-chiseled truth'
'My muscle-bound demeanor is a surreptitious shield,
Discreetly placed between her and my inner battlefield' SHEER GENIUS!!
'heart that's like a wheel'
'my spinning heart' puts an interesting spin (;-) on the predictable beating heart
'ego-shaped contusions'
'This wheel you spin in error is a love-benumbing ride'. Best stop here or I'm gonna quote the whole bloody poem!
The essence of this piece (that resonates for me) is self-sabotage. Do we EVER stop this ridiculous move? Probably not. It seems we're hard-wired to shoot ourselves in the foot; as long as it's only occasionally, and as long as we learn from it each time, we're doing ok. Sometimes, I think, it can be a lot more of a challenge to NOT do it. The greatest risk is losing ourselves in the other. And yes, I believe we do. Intimacy demands it. But with good solid boundaries, we can come back, intact.
David, your work is absolute soul food!
Cheers
Paula
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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What can I say?
Simply sublime.
I love your use of hyphenation (love using them myself). It adds such dimension to a piece because it activates and marries a number of spheres, and imbues the work with movement and life.
There are so many exceptional lines (and metaphors) here:
'stiletto-chiseled truth'
'My muscle-bound demeanor is a surreptitious shield,
Discreetly placed between her and my inner battlefield' SHEER GENIUS!!
'heart that's like a wheel'
'my spinning heart' puts an interesting spin (;-) on the predictable beating heart
'ego-shaped contusions'
'This wheel you spin in error is a love-benumbing ride'. Best stop here or I'm gonna quote the whole bloody poem!
The essence of this piece (that resonates for me) is self-sabotage. Do we EVER stop this ridiculous move? Probably not. It seems we're hard-wired to shoot ourselves in the foot; as long as it's only occasionally, and as long as we learn from it each time, we're doing ok. Sometimes, I think, it can be a lot more of a challenge to NOT do it. The greatest risk is losing ourselves in the other. And yes, I believe we do. Intimacy demands it. But with good solid boundaries, we can come back, intact.
David, your work is absolute soul food!
Cheers
Paula
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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And I thank you for consuming it the way you do, my friend. Once again, I thank you for responding and reviewing with such care and depth, you lay bare the words and validate the conceit of the poem. I do marvel at your ability to do that every time. I will say, in addition to your comment about self-sabotage, that it also has to do with having a heart that won't stay in one place, hence the wheel of misfortune that never settles on one lady. I really appreciate the sixer, your comments, and YOU, my friend. Thank you. Based on those I've really grown to love here, I should really make a road trip to Australia. I already have two friends there, and now I've made two more...at least. Or, one, if you and P are doppelgängers. ;-)
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No...that would be two: symbiotic maybe, but we're 'fraternal twins', not identical! The picture of the two shitters above her poem is a bit of a give-away ... Phillippa faces one way, I face the other! LOL
And oh, I can just imagine the banter if we all got together! You and P can have your ...'tennis' match; I'd alternate between the philosophical umpire, or, the ball girl when my dirt bag muse kicks in LMAO
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Either way, it would be quite a match! :-0
Yes, I do believe you're right about the fraternal aspect. Not identical, but similar, and two excellent brains to go along with the comely qualities you're both endowed with, as well.
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Oh so looking forward to Rogue Friday, my friend! Hope you have plenty of lead in your pencil (writing implement, of course). Will have to make sure P's firepower is also at the ready ;-P
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Cocked, loaded, and ready to be exploded. ;-)
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Where is your MIND, man?! (oh...same place as mine LOL)
Comment from Norbanus
The ladies take their stations for the love-benumbing jolt
The skewered Rogue hangs helpless, they have labeled him a dolt.
Each harbors plans to turn the tide and drag him to her nest
What will we see among the lot as nature calls the test?
The helpless Rogue holds back a smile as claw and fang expose
The wheel goes spinning from its post thus cheating all of those.
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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The ladies take their stations for the love-benumbing jolt
The skewered Rogue hangs helpless, they have labeled him a dolt.
Each harbors plans to turn the tide and drag him to her nest
What will we see among the lot as nature calls the test?
The helpless Rogue holds back a smile as claw and fang expose
The wheel goes spinning from its post thus cheating all of those.
Comment Written 03-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014
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My my, my friend. You've outdone yourself on this one, but let's hold off on the "helpless" part...as the rogue is dumb like a fox, and allows them to think that before he springs up, in, and then out.
Many thanks as always, and it's great to see your poetic reviews again.
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That's what the 'Rogue hold back a smile' was supposed to suggest, but it was a bit vague, wasn't it?
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Only to a dullard like me, Norbanus.
