Comment from mountainwriter49

Exceptional

HI, Bev

This poem just hits home. I admire this poetic form and must try it. Your effective use of words and phrasing has allowed the poem to come front and center with its emotive punch. The second sentence just hangs after reading it.

Well done, my friend,
Ray

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2014

Hi, Ray. I'd love to see you write one of these. I've been reading a book on writing poetry, and this form was mentioned. When I learned it came out of Ginsberg's love of haiku and Buddhism, I had to give it a shot. Thank you so much for your great generosity and appreciation! :0) Bev

reply by mountainwriter49 on 15-Feb-2014

You're very welcome, Bev. Your poem reminded me I need to write one for my mom. If she were still in her living years, her 89th birthday is 6 March.
-ray

reply by the author on 15-Feb-2014

I look forward very much to reading that, Ray. xx

Comment from velvetElvis

Excellent

If I had a sixer left, this one would certainly get it.

Thank you for the author's notes, certainly explains a lot

*love the sentiment
*very well written
*evokes emotion
*lot's of impact
*love the style
*and finally, GREAT title

(those are my six stars for you my friend)

 Comment Written 15-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 15-Feb-2014

Thank you very much, VE. I so appreciate your generosity! I'm feeling encouraged to write more poetry after posting this, and the good responses I received. :0) Bev

Comment from Roxanna Andrews

Exceptional

So sorry! I cannot imagine losing my mom at 7. I remember having young friends in school who lost moms and thinking, what would I do. Losing her at 46 was bad enough. I'm glad you have good memories of her. Rox

 Comment Written 13-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2014

Rox, thank you so much for your heartfelt and kind response. Your generosity is so appreciated! Hugs, Bev

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

This short work says so much. A child's world can be ripped apart by the death of a parent. The child's security has been taken away. Excellent alliteration with cracks and compromise. The sense of loss remains long after the loved one's death. judi

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Judi! I appreciate your understanding... Bev

reply by judiverse on 04-Feb-2014

You're so welcome. I constantly think of relatives who have died. They live on in our memories. judi

Comment from chasennov

Excellent

'By Whose Design?'

Pressure cracks compromise security:
They told me you died today.

I always enjoy and respect a tribute. Lovely Well done.

 Comment Written 04-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thank you so much, C. I appreciate your kindness and generosity. :0) Bev

reply by chasennov on 04-Feb-2014

You are most welcome, Bev.

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

Again, I admire your being inspired by Ginsberg's use of this short form to express profound thoughts. Thank you for trusting us with your innermost feelings. The ensemble honors your mother beautifully. Warm regards- Joan

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Joan, thank you so much for this very gracious review. I'm honored that you found this a worthy poem to honor my mother. Warmest regards, Bev

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

Pressure cracks compromise security: they told me you died today. Good eye catching photo. This piece does not exceed 17 syllables. Good alliteration with cracks/compromise...told/today. Clear message that is short and simple.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, RR. I appreciate the generous review. :0) Bev

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

I imagine that is what it must feel like to a little girl. Her world is shattered from the lack of security when she finds out her mother has died.
Nice use of alliteration : cracks compromise.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Thanks so much, Ellen. It's an unbelievable feeling, literally.

:0) Bev

Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Oh, my dear Bev, the author notes just tugged at my heart. My mum lost her mother when she was six. Mum is 78 now, but that day and the sense of abandonment and desolation are still so vivid and present in her mind.

Here's a huge hug for you from a friend you loves you ...

xxxx


Sonali

p.s. This is an intriguing form. The second phrase is sharp and compelling.

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Sonali, thank you dear lady for this beautiful review and the heart behind it. I am sorry for your mother, and I admire that she found the tools to raise such a beautiful daughter. That's a miracle given how little she would have had to go on. Please express to her my admiration.

I like the form very much. There's a lot you can do with it, and it doesn't have all the requirements of the Japanese shorts attached.

Thanks again, my awesome friend!

XXX Bev

reply by Selina Stambi on 03-Feb-2014

My mum was the 5th in a family of six and was raised by a wonderful father and an older sister (who was only fourteen) who was my surrogate grandmother. Mum has an incredible capacity to love - which is amazing considering she never knew her mother.

Hugs to you, lovely Bev. xxx :)

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

That makes a difference, when you have a loving cocoon, of sorts. Her father really stepped up. Thanks much for sharing, my wonderful friend.
Love you,

Bev

Comment from rtobaygo

Exceptional

So much said with so few words. One an feel the ache in your heart that will never go quietly into the night.

Take care,

Ray

 Comment Written 03-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 03-Feb-2014

Ray, thank you so very much for your kindness and genersity. It means a lot to me. :0) Bev