Comment from Jean Lutz

Excellent

This is just beautiful and one of the best Odes I have read. I wish you success with it. I kind of stumbled on the last line first stanza. Would "And artists seek" or "An artist seeks" be a choice?

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks, Jean - so glad you enjoyed my ode.

Steve

Comment from A Matter Of Words

Excellent

Such powerful imagery painted in a style of old. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. Keats' would have been envious.
Was the first line of the last stanza deliberately not offset as the others. The format of the first three stanzas are visually very effective.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thank you!

Yes, I felt the ode form demanded a formal and classical-sounding approach.

Steve

Comment from allborn66

Excellent

This is a wonderful piece. The form and rhyming scheme are brilliant. You communicate your theme powerfully. This is a great entry, best of luck to you.
Barbara

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks, Barbara - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from SLHarper

Exceptional

Wow, look who's taken to writing "real" poetry...!! I actually recognized that you were imitating the style of Ode on a Grecian Urn before I read your notes. This is an ode in every sense: lofty language, celebration of the qualities of a natural wonder, personification, and then you bring it home to reflect on how we are necessarily molded, changed, called to whatever our fates may be, by the mind-boggling sea. I love how you explore the dichotomy between nurture and rage, and then your final resolution is that the sea's sometimes loving, sometimes ferocious, always purposeful CREATOR of everything that lives, loves and emerges from her inspiration, is the lullaby that sings us to sleep. By the way, I've noticed that you like lullabyes! Anyway, I think, from now on, I'm going to check if you're entering contests before I bother... Lol! You will win this one, too. I called it last time, didn't I? Great job, Steve! I loved it! Steph

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks, Steph

I have been known to plunge into the real stuff on occasion. In fact, rather ironically, I seem to do better in contests with sonnets and other 'serious' forms. And I do give these $00 contests some serious attention.

Nevertheless, I tend to do it by feel rather than planning, so a review like yours is good to tell me what I've done!

Yes, the opposition between peaceful and raging sea was intended, but the lullaby ending was at best accidental - my plan, if I had one, was to add another stanza....

Thanks for the high praise and the winning prediction - here's hoping you're right again!

Steve

Comment from juliaSjames

Exceptional

Classic use of enjambment to add variety and interest in this accomplished ode, Steve. I can hear it being read aloud to the accompaniment of appropriate sea sounds.

The highflown language, vivid imagery, excellent structure, and tight meter and precise end-rhyme combine to make this a truly exceptional piece of work.

"Through time, Hark, how the breakers' thund'rous roar"

- should there be a period after time?

I salute you on this magnificent effort and wish you the best in the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks, Julia - I certainly appreciate the warm words and the six stars as well as the thoughtful reading of the piece.

I always feel an ode demands a fairly formal and classical approach so that's what I've gone for - let's hope the judges agree...

Yes, you're right about the period - thanks.

Steve

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

A quite moving ode. It obvious that you put a lot of effort and time in this to create such a lovely and flowing work of art. Don

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks, Don.

Yep, I believe if someone offers a $100 prize I might as well put in a $1000 effort!

Steve

Comment from rama devi

Excellent

Wonderful work. An outstanding ode. Superb flow and great rhyming and Rhyme scheme. Nuanced phonetics and poetic devices (too many to note). No nits note except one typo:

* Resounds to h(H)eaven's door and wakes the storm


This would be a six if I had one.

Love this part:
Untiring servant of your queen, the moon,
Most constant of inconstants. Faith imbued
With boundless beauty makes the poet swoon
And artist seek to capture you in vain.

NICE: To hearten, heal, replenish and renew.

LOVE THIS DESCRIPTIVENESS:
With gardens strange in weedy disarray
And kelpy forests swayed by currents' sigh -


Potent descriptive:
And hurl your green battalions 'gainst the shore



Excellent metaphor and personification:

Your proud, relentless armies pound the coast -
A blacksmith's hammer beating rugged form
Into the solid rock - the never-tiring host

FAVORITE LINES:
A vast and gentle breathing, deep and slow,
Connects us to those soulful inner tunes


Lovely closing--like a lullaby:

And we who feel your tides tug at our heart
Shall ever sailors be. The ocean's moan
Our lullaby, the cry of gulls, a part
Of who we are, shall sound us off to sleep.


Bravo
Warmly, rd

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Rama, thanks as always for the very warm and thorough review and the virtual six.

Trust you to pick the more reflective, inward-looking passage as your favourite.

Steve

reply by rama devi on 04-Feb-2014

:-)))

Comment from sweetwoodjax

Exceptional

this is beautiful, kiwisteveh, you did an excellent job writing this, I can almost hear the ocean as your words have movement and imagery. I wish you the best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks so much for the warm review and the six stars - appreciated.

Steve

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Your anger dies and still your ebb and flow,
Unbroken for a thousand[,] thousand moons,
A vast and gentle breathing, deep and slow,
Connects us to those soulful inner tunes
Those lines stood out to me. I think you did a wonderful job on this Ode Steve. Very well done. Nancy

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks, Nancy....

You are not the only one to single out those lines for special mention...

Steve

Comment from Righteous Riter

Excellent

Good end rhyming. Good perfect rhyming with calm/balm...rage/wage...cause/pause...flow/slow. Good description and alliteration. Good complimentary photo followed by a clear message.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2014

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reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve