Ode to the Sea
Ode Contest Entry83 total reviews
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Superb ode to the ocean, capturing the beauty and the tempestuous moods of this little explored part of our planet.
Okay - I love the thought of the ocean being the womb. It was, of course. Brilliant!
Untiring servant of your queen, the moon, - nice!
The way you describe the undersea garden is just gorgeous, Steve.
An Eden yet untouched by mankind's blight. - Not always, unfortunately, but it's a lovely sentiment.
Absolutely fantastic description of the storm. Truly superb.
There is something about the sea that draws us - at least, it does me. Fantastic poem. A true pleasure to read.
You should be on the podium with this one.
Av
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Superb ode to the ocean, capturing the beauty and the tempestuous moods of this little explored part of our planet.
Okay - I love the thought of the ocean being the womb. It was, of course. Brilliant!
Untiring servant of your queen, the moon, - nice!
The way you describe the undersea garden is just gorgeous, Steve.
An Eden yet untouched by mankind's blight. - Not always, unfortunately, but it's a lovely sentiment.
Absolutely fantastic description of the storm. Truly superb.
There is something about the sea that draws us - at least, it does me. Fantastic poem. A true pleasure to read.
You should be on the podium with this one.
Av
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Thanks, Av - I appreciate your thoughtful reading of the poem and the six lovely stars.
I'm told there are six sea-faring brothers not too far back in my family tree .... and all I'm good for is the odd ferry trip and a spot of fishing. Still...
Steve
Comment from Lovinia
Hi Steve
Absolutely stunning!! I love the sea and could never bear to be away from her for too long. I've always lived close, now the closest ever. Less than ten minutes and I've arrived at the beach, even less to the waterways/ I feel as though I live in Eden ... then the heat blasts and I remember I'm not.
I feel the love, passion and admiration you have for this spectacular theme. An Ode for sure in the plethora of augmented language, enjambment, outstanding rhyme and meter and the abundance of further poetic techniques which I have no need to mention as you are quite aware. lol
This is an exceptional entry for the contest and possibly the winner or at least in high placement. You know the dear lady well and convey the wealth of her calm and the measure of her strengths.
My favourite lines:
Connects us to those soulful inner tunes
That play whenever waves may lap on stone
Or man goes forth in ships to dare the deep.
And we who feel your tides tug at our heart
Shall ever sailors be. The ocean's moan
Our lullaby, the cry of gulls, a part
Of who we are, shall sound us off to sleep.
Once a sailor, one never forgets the feel of the wind and salt spray, the power the wonder and the magnificence. Sublime poetry which you must have spent many hours on. Your fine efforts are well received. The image is perfect. I wish you the best of luck my friend. Just love it. Lovi xoxoxoxo
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Hi Steve
Absolutely stunning!! I love the sea and could never bear to be away from her for too long. I've always lived close, now the closest ever. Less than ten minutes and I've arrived at the beach, even less to the waterways/ I feel as though I live in Eden ... then the heat blasts and I remember I'm not.
I feel the love, passion and admiration you have for this spectacular theme. An Ode for sure in the plethora of augmented language, enjambment, outstanding rhyme and meter and the abundance of further poetic techniques which I have no need to mention as you are quite aware. lol
This is an exceptional entry for the contest and possibly the winner or at least in high placement. You know the dear lady well and convey the wealth of her calm and the measure of her strengths.
My favourite lines:
Connects us to those soulful inner tunes
That play whenever waves may lap on stone
Or man goes forth in ships to dare the deep.
And we who feel your tides tug at our heart
Shall ever sailors be. The ocean's moan
Our lullaby, the cry of gulls, a part
Of who we are, shall sound us off to sleep.
Once a sailor, one never forgets the feel of the wind and salt spray, the power the wonder and the magnificence. Sublime poetry which you must have spent many hours on. Your fine efforts are well received. The image is perfect. I wish you the best of luck my friend. Just love it. Lovi xoxoxoxo
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Lovi, thanks so much for the mind-blowing review and the glowing praise. Yes, I did spend some serious time wrangling this one into shape - I always like to give these $100 contests a good go. And yes, I think an ode deserves the elevated language. Let's hope the committee agrees.
Are you a Sydney-sider??
Steve
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Hi Steve
Always a great pleasure to read and review your work. This is just stunning ... it must be selected as winner. I've read a few others, nothing has come up to this quality, not even my little Ode to Strawberries. lol Perhaps they might accept chocolate bribes?? LOL No you won't need to bribe them.
I've lived in various parts of Sydney all my life. I moved up the coast to Woy Woy in the Brisbane Waters area a year ago. A lovely pocket of waterways and protected beaches surrounded by National Park. Just a half hour up the motorway north of Hornsby. Do you know Sydney????
Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo
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Nope, I was just guessing which waterways you meant.
I did live in Australia for 12 years - all in Queensland. 1 year in Warwick, 1 in Longreach and 10 in Cairns - Gordonvale actually.
NZers generally have a thing for the sea - can't get too far away from it here!
Steve
Comment from onkughosh19
A deserving poem for the contest.Beautifully written ode to the sea.Liked the use of vivid imagery....you painted a picture of the sea most beautifully.
A well rhymed poem with an apt title and a lovely picture.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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A deserving poem for the contest.Beautifully written ode to the sea.Liked the use of vivid imagery....you painted a picture of the sea most beautifully.
A well rhymed poem with an apt title and a lovely picture.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. thank you for the pleasure of this poem, this Ode.
I grew up beside the ocena, the Mighty Pacific, now I live inland. There is not a day that I do not miss the ses, the ocean and her heart.
This poem makes her feel near.
may you be well,
padumachitta
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Hello. thank you for the pleasure of this poem, this Ode.
I grew up beside the ocena, the Mighty Pacific, now I live inland. There is not a day that I do not miss the ses, the ocean and her heart.
This poem makes her feel near.
may you be well,
padumachitta
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Padumachitta - thanks for the warm words and the six stars.
I too miss having the ocean nearby - at least in new Zealand it is never too far away!
Steve
Comment from c_lucas
Years are to few and precious to lose in self pity.
Months should be planned ahead of time
Weeks should be moderated to succeed
Days should be lived with a plan
Hours are spent carefully
Minutes used correctly brings about success
Seconds are the building blocks; use them wisely.
At all times, keep your eyes on the Prize
************************
This is very well written. Good job. The above is something that ran through my mind as I was reading your poem.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Years are to few and precious to lose in self pity.
Months should be planned ahead of time
Weeks should be moderated to succeed
Days should be lived with a plan
Hours are spent carefully
Minutes used correctly brings about success
Seconds are the building blocks; use them wisely.
At all times, keep your eyes on the Prize
************************
This is very well written. Good job. The above is something that ran through my mind as I was reading your poem.
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Charlie, thanks for the words of wisdom - I shall certainl watch out for that prize!
Steve
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You're welcome Steve. Charlie
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You're welcome, Steve. Charlie
Comment from Jackarrie
O mother of the earth, your fertile womb
Gave birth in ancient time to seeds of life.
We flourished on your shores and grew to bloom
In glory. Mankind's triumph, joy and strife
Are mirrored in your ever-changing mood.
I loved you beautiful poem, written in old world style, inspired by Keats. I enjoyed the creative word choices. A strong imagery is created for the reader. It flowed well in iambic pentameter.
Well done and good luck in the contest. Mary
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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O mother of the earth, your fertile womb
Gave birth in ancient time to seeds of life.
We flourished on your shores and grew to bloom
In glory. Mankind's triumph, joy and strife
Are mirrored in your ever-changing mood.
I loved you beautiful poem, written in old world style, inspired by Keats. I enjoyed the creative word choices. A strong imagery is created for the reader. It flowed well in iambic pentameter.
Well done and good luck in the contest. Mary
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Thanks, Mary
Yes the old fashioned flavour and elevated language are deliberate choices - suitable for an ode I always believe.
Steve
Comment from bokeh
Big fan of Keats, the poem you cited as well as, "Ode to a Nightingale."
This is very very good.
You have covered much territory here.
Like: the Sea as Mother theme.
Creative word choices that enhance imagery without disrupting flow--difficult to accomplish. No awkwardness that might result from the innovative phrasing.
I like how you handled in just three lines the transition, that is, the duality of the sea's temperament. "An Eden yet untouched...." to "In elemental battle that you wage."
I enjoyed suggestion of the sea's "omnipotence," as a force of nature:
"Unvanquished still - at last you give them pause." Well done.
Skillfully, you bring the sea from its origins as our life source through alternating phases of placidity and violence. You raise the pace and tempo to match the sea's transition: then we are relaxed by the "ocean's moan, then "our lullaby," and "sleep."
You depict an eternal process, with its own ups and downs: "Mankind's triumph...are mirrored in you ever-changing mood."
Man's weakness when confronted with the seas' overwhelming power is expressed, along with our inability even to capture the sea on canvas.
Like the alliteration: "boundless beauty;" "most constant of inconstants;" "beneath- bedazzle".
Your work is skillfully accomplished and moving, and a real tribute to this genre. I would add that yours is one of the finest pieces I have reviewed here of any poetic genre.
Finally, you maintained a rather unorthodox rhyme scheme, and where you varied from meter there was no interruption in flow, at least to my ears.
I think (humbly) that Keats would approve.
I wrote an ode to "Picasso's Old Guitarist" painting. You might enjoy.
Saludos and keep writing.
Jon
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Big fan of Keats, the poem you cited as well as, "Ode to a Nightingale."
This is very very good.
You have covered much territory here.
Like: the Sea as Mother theme.
Creative word choices that enhance imagery without disrupting flow--difficult to accomplish. No awkwardness that might result from the innovative phrasing.
I like how you handled in just three lines the transition, that is, the duality of the sea's temperament. "An Eden yet untouched...." to "In elemental battle that you wage."
I enjoyed suggestion of the sea's "omnipotence," as a force of nature:
"Unvanquished still - at last you give them pause." Well done.
Skillfully, you bring the sea from its origins as our life source through alternating phases of placidity and violence. You raise the pace and tempo to match the sea's transition: then we are relaxed by the "ocean's moan, then "our lullaby," and "sleep."
You depict an eternal process, with its own ups and downs: "Mankind's triumph...are mirrored in you ever-changing mood."
Man's weakness when confronted with the seas' overwhelming power is expressed, along with our inability even to capture the sea on canvas.
Like the alliteration: "boundless beauty;" "most constant of inconstants;" "beneath- bedazzle".
Your work is skillfully accomplished and moving, and a real tribute to this genre. I would add that yours is one of the finest pieces I have reviewed here of any poetic genre.
Finally, you maintained a rather unorthodox rhyme scheme, and where you varied from meter there was no interruption in flow, at least to my ears.
I think (humbly) that Keats would approve.
I wrote an ode to "Picasso's Old Guitarist" painting. You might enjoy.
Saludos and keep writing.
Jon
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Jon, thanks so much for the detailed and thorough review.
Like a musician playing by ear, I write mainly by feel - seldom setting out deliberately to feature poetic devices, although of course I choose a rhyme scheme and meter to form the basis of the poem. I am glad you found so much to like.
Thanks again for the high praise and the six stars - much appreciated.
Steve
Comment from jadapenn
This beautiful ode rolled so well of the tongue. I loved the pure energy your descriptions produced. At first the sea is quiet and pulls the reader in. Never take these waters for granted though as suddenly all hell can break lose as the sea wages war. Lovely visuals. Well penned. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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This beautiful ode rolled so well of the tongue. I loved the pure energy your descriptions produced. At first the sea is quiet and pulls the reader in. Never take these waters for granted though as suddenly all hell can break lose as the sea wages war. Lovely visuals. Well penned. Best wishes for the contest. luv jada
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Thanks, Jada - glad you enjoyed this tribute to the sea.
I appreciate your review and the six stars.
Steve
Comment from mfowler
I loved this, the first read through. It just gets better with each subsequent reading. It has an old time quality, like those poems from the romantic era...guess it's the sonnet format. But, it's also the focus on the sea, with language beautifully chosen to expose as many facets of its moods and our experiences of it, as posibble.
Your opening verse sets the scene for the all encompassing nature of the work. You take us to origins:
mother of the earth, your fertile womb
Gave birth in ancient time to seeds of life
In vs 2, you talk of our relationship with the ocean and focus on the beauty we find:
A gleaming world of wonder tempts the eye
In vs 3, you utilise war metaphors to highlight the angry nature and relentlessness of a surging ocean:Your proud, relentless armies pound the coast
And, in vs 4 you return to a placid sea, completing the ode with sensitivity and respect:
Unbroken for a thousand thousand moons,
A vast and gentle breathing, deep and slow,
Your ode is rich in metaphor and beautifully crafted in iambic pentameter. The rhythm is worthy of the sea.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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I loved this, the first read through. It just gets better with each subsequent reading. It has an old time quality, like those poems from the romantic era...guess it's the sonnet format. But, it's also the focus on the sea, with language beautifully chosen to expose as many facets of its moods and our experiences of it, as posibble.
Your opening verse sets the scene for the all encompassing nature of the work. You take us to origins:
mother of the earth, your fertile womb
Gave birth in ancient time to seeds of life
In vs 2, you talk of our relationship with the ocean and focus on the beauty we find:
A gleaming world of wonder tempts the eye
In vs 3, you utilise war metaphors to highlight the angry nature and relentlessness of a surging ocean:Your proud, relentless armies pound the coast
And, in vs 4 you return to a placid sea, completing the ode with sensitivity and respect:
Unbroken for a thousand thousand moons,
A vast and gentle breathing, deep and slow,
Your ode is rich in metaphor and beautifully crafted in iambic pentameter. The rhythm is worthy of the sea.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Thanks so much for the thoughtful and thorough review.
Strange but true - to a great extent, I write 'by feel' and often don't appreciate the detail of the piece until it is pointed out by some helpful reviewer such as yourself!
I did set out to write a fairly formal piece utilising lofty language as befits the ode. I'm glad you think I achieved this - let's hope the judges like it as much!
Steve
Comment from tfawcus
Hi Steve. I loved this poem for the way you move between the moods of the sea with your skilful word choice, alliteration and use of enjambment to accentuate the surge of the rising storm. The technicalities of construction are assured but not obvious; the sign of a true master of his craft. The picture you create in the mind is elemental.
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Hi Steve. I loved this poem for the way you move between the moods of the sea with your skilful word choice, alliteration and use of enjambment to accentuate the surge of the rising storm. The technicalities of construction are assured but not obvious; the sign of a true master of his craft. The picture you create in the mind is elemental.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 04-Feb-2014
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Thanks, Tony - I appreciate your very kind words and the six stars.
Steve
