To a son of God
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Who ... ?"Metre ... Freeverse & Quatrain
6 total reviews
Comment from Jean Lutz
The final three lines are especially touching for me. We don't seem to be there -- yet. But with eyes of faith, I see. This writing goes along with a verse I have been thinking about for some time now "For now we see through a glass dimly...".
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2014
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The final three lines are especially touching for me. We don't seem to be there -- yet. But with eyes of faith, I see. This writing goes along with a verse I have been thinking about for some time now "For now we see through a glass dimly...".
Comment Written 02-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2014
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many thanks
Comment from michaelcahill
So very excellent. This is no easy task by any stretch. I can't count how many testimonies I have read that all sound exactly the same. That is fine and nothing is wrong with it. But, poets are supposed to be creative. Like this!! Very original and makes the point in a much more human way then I am used to reading. That makes it so real and accessible. If I didn't know what it is you were speaking of, I would be interested to know. That is the point of it! Why this has a low rating is beyond me. Were you kidnapped and reviewed by Sonnet Writers Forever? Hahaha. Great piece, mikey
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2014
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So very excellent. This is no easy task by any stretch. I can't count how many testimonies I have read that all sound exactly the same. That is fine and nothing is wrong with it. But, poets are supposed to be creative. Like this!! Very original and makes the point in a much more human way then I am used to reading. That makes it so real and accessible. If I didn't know what it is you were speaking of, I would be interested to know. That is the point of it! Why this has a low rating is beyond me. Were you kidnapped and reviewed by Sonnet Writers Forever? Hahaha. Great piece, mikey
Comment Written 01-Feb-2014
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2014
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THANKS MIKEY MUCH APPRECIATED ... HAT OFF TO MY FRIEND.
Comment from califdot
I love the subject matter of your poem. I enjoyed reading it and it flows nicely. The cadence is strong and aids to the flow of your poem. There are several typos in this poem and they are: I've should be written with an apostrophe and a capital "I," unless you have intentionally written them the way you did. Also, you have extra spaces or have forgotten the space after and/or before the commas throughout the poem.
In the third stanza you have I've written as "iv." If you are purposely spelling this wrong then you should have consistency in your writing. Some of the places it is written "Ive" and some of the time it is written "iv," as you know the contraction "I have" should be written I've. So I imagine you might be writing them without apostrophes on purpose, but then they should all be written Ive or iv.
The last stanza has the word "attenion" spelled wrong, it should be "attention." Also, in the last stanza the word "av" is it supposed to be "and?" In the sentence, "ware did u see him they ask?" Ware should be spelled "where" and "u" should be spelled out. Otherwise the reader gets the feeling that you don't care. If you intended to misspell and to not use apostrophe's then you must be consistent throughout, because your reader will never view it as anything more than a poet who didn't care enough to correct his/her spelling.
The story you tell is wonderful and I really like your subject matter and how you put the words together. You have done an outstanding job! Good work!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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I love the subject matter of your poem. I enjoyed reading it and it flows nicely. The cadence is strong and aids to the flow of your poem. There are several typos in this poem and they are: I've should be written with an apostrophe and a capital "I," unless you have intentionally written them the way you did. Also, you have extra spaces or have forgotten the space after and/or before the commas throughout the poem.
In the third stanza you have I've written as "iv." If you are purposely spelling this wrong then you should have consistency in your writing. Some of the places it is written "Ive" and some of the time it is written "iv," as you know the contraction "I have" should be written I've. So I imagine you might be writing them without apostrophes on purpose, but then they should all be written Ive or iv.
The last stanza has the word "attenion" spelled wrong, it should be "attention." Also, in the last stanza the word "av" is it supposed to be "and?" In the sentence, "ware did u see him they ask?" Ware should be spelled "where" and "u" should be spelled out. Otherwise the reader gets the feeling that you don't care. If you intended to misspell and to not use apostrophe's then you must be consistent throughout, because your reader will never view it as anything more than a poet who didn't care enough to correct his/her spelling.
The story you tell is wonderful and I really like your subject matter and how you put the words together. You have done an outstanding job! Good work!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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quick address of a few of the problems ... some punctuation is left out intentionally to add to impact of a freeverse poem.
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Perhaps in the future, if you put in the author's notes that the punctuation was left out on purpose it would be helpful. Still, I really liked your poem.
Comment from James Chaima Phiri
This is a true saying. Many people have seen the power of the Lord through His day to day blessings. However, we tend to shame Him by the way we talk and behave. We rob Him of tithes and offerings. We live as if we created ourselves. I think this poem is a call for repentance. It is a wonderful work.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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This is a true saying. Many people have seen the power of the Lord through His day to day blessings. However, we tend to shame Him by the way we talk and behave. We rob Him of tithes and offerings. We live as if we created ourselves. I think this poem is a call for repentance. It is a wonderful work.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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Many thanks ... much appreciated.
Comment from JB Lynn
Good strong images of weeping and bleeding. There's a feeling that a great sacrifice has been made, and the narrator is trying to honor that sacrifice.
I'm assuming the note in your Author's Note is meant to explain the lack of punctuation and spelling errors, but I think there are simply too many in this piece. If you were simply avoiding capitalization and periods, that would be find, but the lack of apostrophes added to the misspellings pulled me out of the images I felt you were trying to convey in this poem. It broke up the rhythm and made it difficult to lose myself in the ideas you were trying to share.
If you absolutely do not want to use punctuation, that is certainly your prerogative as the creator of this work - but consistency is vital.
For example: at the beginning, you write "I've" as "ive" okay...I'm with you on that until later in your poem, you write "I've" as "iv" and I got stuck for a moment, wondering if you meant this to be read as the Roman numeral for the number 4. Obviously you didn't, but you see how the reader could get lost?
Also, in every place you refer to this "him", you never capitalize it, until near the end when you write "His reflection,". I think if you're not going to capitalize "him" you should keep with that for the duration of the piece.
Work with this a bit more - with an eye to consistency. Most readers are willing to forgive a break in the conventional rules of grammar and spelling as long as you consistently break those rules in the same way for each piece.
I think you've got a great idea here, of writing this as a personal testimony of the narrator. The repetition of "ive seen him" certainly sounds excited and full of energy, like the narrator would shout this from the mountains if he/she could.
Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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Good strong images of weeping and bleeding. There's a feeling that a great sacrifice has been made, and the narrator is trying to honor that sacrifice.
I'm assuming the note in your Author's Note is meant to explain the lack of punctuation and spelling errors, but I think there are simply too many in this piece. If you were simply avoiding capitalization and periods, that would be find, but the lack of apostrophes added to the misspellings pulled me out of the images I felt you were trying to convey in this poem. It broke up the rhythm and made it difficult to lose myself in the ideas you were trying to share.
If you absolutely do not want to use punctuation, that is certainly your prerogative as the creator of this work - but consistency is vital.
For example: at the beginning, you write "I've" as "ive" okay...I'm with you on that until later in your poem, you write "I've" as "iv" and I got stuck for a moment, wondering if you meant this to be read as the Roman numeral for the number 4. Obviously you didn't, but you see how the reader could get lost?
Also, in every place you refer to this "him", you never capitalize it, until near the end when you write "His reflection,". I think if you're not going to capitalize "him" you should keep with that for the duration of the piece.
Work with this a bit more - with an eye to consistency. Most readers are willing to forgive a break in the conventional rules of grammar and spelling as long as you consistently break those rules in the same way for each piece.
I think you've got a great idea here, of writing this as a personal testimony of the narrator. The repetition of "ive seen him" certainly sounds excited and full of energy, like the narrator would shout this from the mountains if he/she could.
Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2014
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Quickly addressed the problems you are concerned about with a little punctuation left out for the mix of this freeverse.
Comment from DionysusDeVille
This poem can be interpreted in many different ways but I think one of the main ways to look at it has to deal with accepting god into your life
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2014
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This poem can be interpreted in many different ways but I think one of the main ways to look at it has to deal with accepting god into your life
Comment Written 31-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2014
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Thank you ... thats what its all about !
