Comment from nomi338

Excellent

D day, V day or maybe even I day looms large on the horizon. What will it mean for the world and mankind? Only time will tell, I wait with bated breath. It would appear that it is time to put the pedal to the metal and make this baby work.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

I hope it's worth all this trouble.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Bill, I really like the way you work your way through each section showing us what is happening and allowing us to pull the story together. I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

Thanks, Ulla, for the encouragement. Bill

Comment from apky

Excellent

Again the story was as absorbing as ever, Bill. I like the way you vary both scenes and characters. And how you "break" that "he said/she said" rule. In my opinion, if somebody shouts, I see no reason not to write he"she "shouted".

(")It's amazing that he didn't," said the redhead. "It's not like Olan to pass up a chance to have a pretty, young girl like you."

(")Then I thought I was going to get raped by that awful thing that killed him. Then get chopped up."

Look forward to the next chapter.

Apky

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

Thanks for the help on those pesky quotation marks, apky. The "he said" suggestion is heard around here a lot and I think Stephen King is a big influence on that idea. I constantly read great novels that don't follow that guideline and they have somehow won people over. I will admit that I have changed some tags to the understated form and included the rest as an adjective phrase.

Comment from Wabigoon

Excellent

Bill--
Can't much comment on plot here as I don't know it. But your writing is fine, the flow well maintained, description active, evocative.

Here are a couple of things I noticed:
Soon though, they would all become aware of who Raleigh Sabre really (is.) should this be "was?"

double-checked the expedition()s schedule needs an apostrophe

Thanks, I'll look or more.
Wabigoon/Jeff

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

I initially disagreed with both suggestions, Wab, but after rereading them, see how what I thought I was saying would likely follow your reasoning more than mine with the reader. Thanks.

Comment from dweigt

Excellent

Good stuff! You do a great job of juggling multiple characters. The situation is interesting, and feels like it is about to get even more so!

A few minor things for your review:

Too many unusual dialogue tags. In the first few paragraphs you use exclaimed, said, offered, shouted, injected, and stated. In almost every case, a simple "said" is best.

We are still on a time line here -- should be "timeline".

It's amazing that he didn't," said the redhead. -- Missing the opening quote mark.

Winston Lee had double-checked the expeditions schedule -- expedition's

Looking forward to more. Keep Writing!

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 29-Jun-2017

I have edited some tags and see that my characterization of the speaker was possibly slowing down the reader. Others I found more interesting and descriptive than the invisible "he said". This one I let them all slide. Thanks for catching the missing quotes as well.

Comment from frogbook

Excellent

Well, Bill, I have not been able to keep up with all of the chapters but after not reading for a while, I see that the constant action has not slowed. Fast paced and full of vivid descriptions.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Thanks, FB, for the nice review.

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

A very good addition. You make clever use of color change to signify locations. The story is very interesting and holds my interest. I will be interested to see what Irsdan is.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

The Irsdan should be good. I've changed it in my mind over time to create a new ending.

Comment from Mabaker

Excellent

Very well written Bill, I haven't read too much of you and that's my loss. I will go back and catch up on a few previous chapters, as this is a chapter of a longer work. Regards Anne.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Thank you, Anne, for giving this a look. Bill

Comment from kiwigirl2821

Excellent

Hello Bill. This is a really good story. I like the pace you set and the set up of the on coming chapters. Conversations are believable and I was left feeling like I can't wait to read what's next. Well done. regards Kiwi

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2017

Thanks, Kiwi, fir the encouraging review. Bill

Comment from Lilol

Excellent

Pretty interesting, continue adding more detail for I want to know what happens next. I hope that soon you'll get even more reviews and will receive a lot more good reviews.

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2017

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2017

Thanks, Lilol