Lord of Darkness
The Fall and Rise of Lucifer40 total reviews
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
A very powerful and compelling prelude to your proposed book.
I quite like the title and feel it fits the storyline well.
Your writing is engaging and cleverly written.
A virtual six is all I can offer but so well deserved.
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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A very powerful and compelling prelude to your proposed book.
I quite like the title and feel it fits the storyline well.
Your writing is engaging and cleverly written.
A virtual six is all I can offer but so well deserved.
Comment Written 28-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 28-Jan-2014
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The five rating is most appreciated. Thank you so much for this fine review.
Comment from 24chas
This was really good, amahra. I would love to keep reading this. Are you going to develop this into a full length story here on FS?
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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This was really good, amahra. I would love to keep reading this. Are you going to develop this into a full length story here on FS?
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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No, I wish I could. I'm having too much trouble with people who are not familiar with the Biblical scriptures. They keep tampering with my description of the throne of God. And I'm tired of sending them scriptures. So when I'm finished, I send it to a Christian agent. Thank you 24chas for reading my work.
Comment from TonyD
I can see this as a very interesting story about the fall of Lucifer. We, as Christians, know how it occurred but I think a fantasy fiction that would give some license to what happened would intrigue readers.
TonyD
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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I can see this as a very interesting story about the fall of Lucifer. We, as Christians, know how it occurred but I think a fantasy fiction that would give some license to what happened would intrigue readers.
TonyD
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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OMG! Bless you. You have just made my day. I was really nervous about how my fellow Christian would react to a fictional story about the fall of Lucifer. What you have just written is exactly what I propose to do. Thank you so much TonyD.
Comment from Paddywack
Hi, Amahra. This is very good. The references to revelation are well mixed in together with other fantastical images. Keeping it short is good, if it is also intriguing - which this is.
Just a few queries:
inverted sapphires - don't they look the same turned upside down?
a rainbow resembling an emerald - or perhaps: a rainbow with every hue of green, glittering like an emerald.
Out from the throne went flashes, like lightning and roars as thunder. - or perhaps 'Storm clouds surrounded the throne, discharging forked lightning and thunder.'
Numbered as the stars - I think numberless as the stars
Hope this helps. Love your work.
Paddy
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Hi, Amahra. This is very good. The references to revelation are well mixed in together with other fantastical images. Keeping it short is good, if it is also intriguing - which this is.
Just a few queries:
inverted sapphires - don't they look the same turned upside down?
a rainbow resembling an emerald - or perhaps: a rainbow with every hue of green, glittering like an emerald.
Out from the throne went flashes, like lightning and roars as thunder. - or perhaps 'Storm clouds surrounded the throne, discharging forked lightning and thunder.'
Numbered as the stars - I think numberless as the stars
Hope this helps. Love your work.
Paddy
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you Paddywack. Inverted sapphires are multi-colored shades of blue, green, orange, yellow and beige. The rest are direct quotes from the Bible. Your other suggestions I will go back and take a look. Blessings to you.
Comment from Janie King
Well that should be a very interesting task. I have never tried to write much of anything fictional. Good luck. God loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Well that should be a very interesting task. I have never tried to write much of anything fictional. Good luck. God loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the review.
Comment from Carolyn 'Deaton' Stephens
Hi there, it is not an easy task to take any part of Revelation and make the figurative into an understandable paraphrase. You have done a great job keeping this interesting and challenging (to those who would like to be challenged) to readers. Thanks, I look forward to more. :-) Carolyn
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Hi there, it is not an easy task to take any part of Revelation and make the figurative into an understandable paraphrase. You have done a great job keeping this interesting and challenging (to those who would like to be challenged) to readers. Thanks, I look forward to more. :-) Carolyn
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much Carolyn. It is going to be a challenge. On I pray I can meet.
Comment from Mary Ann MCPhedran
A good write and a good story. I enjoyed reading your story, and found it to be well displayed and good expression. Thanks for sharing. Mary
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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A good write and a good story. I enjoyed reading your story, and found it to be well displayed and good expression. Thanks for sharing. Mary
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much Mary Ann.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
This is very well done. The tone is appropriate, though the font is VERY hard to read. You really should switch to a readable font. Why would you call it "Paradise Lost" when that's the title of a verrrry famous classic story already?
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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This is very well done. The tone is appropriate, though the font is VERY hard to read. You really should switch to a readable font. Why would you call it "Paradise Lost" when that's the title of a verrrry famous classic story already?
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you Phyllis. I stated in my author notes thank the title wasn't certain. And authors often use titles of books for their poems and tittles of poems for their books. Besides, publishers generally change the tittle anyway.
Comment from barkingdog
'Paradise Lost' is an epic poem by John Milton. You should consider another name for your new work.
A question:
How can a rainbow resemble an emerald? Neither shape or color give this description clarity.
-He was their light(,) and the Lamb was their lamp.(A lamp is a light... again I didn't get the description.)
Then you have blazing torches, I assume in the center of the light or lamp.
-Surrounding them--a wider circle of twenty-four elders clad in sparkling white robes(--) sat upon their thrones.[And] Upon their heads ...(don't start a sentence with 'And'.)
-roars as (adjective)as thunder
-Loud(,) angelic voices
-perpetually[:] until(I would do away with the adverb 'perpetually' and describe the action.
-[And] As the music meshed
I didn't correct the last paragraph.
- Reconsider the use of the word savory which is usually used as an adjective. As a noun it means 'an aromatic plant of the mint family, used as a culinary herb; a dish of stimulating flavor served usually at the end of dinner but sometimes as an appetizer.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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'Paradise Lost' is an epic poem by John Milton. You should consider another name for your new work.
A question:
How can a rainbow resemble an emerald? Neither shape or color give this description clarity.
-He was their light(,) and the Lamb was their lamp.(A lamp is a light... again I didn't get the description.)
Then you have blazing torches, I assume in the center of the light or lamp.
-Surrounding them--a wider circle of twenty-four elders clad in sparkling white robes(--) sat upon their thrones.[And] Upon their heads ...(don't start a sentence with 'And'.)
-roars as (adjective)as thunder
-Loud(,) angelic voices
-perpetually[:] until(I would do away with the adverb 'perpetually' and describe the action.
-[And] As the music meshed
I didn't correct the last paragraph.
- Reconsider the use of the word savory which is usually used as an adjective. As a noun it means 'an aromatic plant of the mint family, used as a culinary herb; a dish of stimulating flavor served usually at the end of dinner but sometimes as an appetizer.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you for your careful review. I can't put all the scriptures in this response to prove I didn't make this up, but I will give a couple: Revelations 4:3 (rainbow resembling an emerald; Revelations 21:23 He was the light and the Lamb the lamp. The rest were taken from Isaiah and Daniel. You can start sentences with And. Just don't do it too often. (savory in the nostrils of God, a direct quote. perpetually meanings continuose. But I will check the punctuation. Thanks again.
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For those of us not familiar with the scriptures, you may need to expand the descriptions. Again, the direct quote didn't make sense to me. This will always be a problem with using Biblical quotes. As a writer, you may need to bring the language to the reader, not expect the reader to know the scripture.
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The audience of my book knows the scriptures. One reviewer even named the books of the Bible my descriptions were found were. I'm sorry the writing didn't make sense to you. I'll be back with "The Animal Doctor" soon. You seem to like it.
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I'm not the audience for this one, you're right about that. I'll just stay uninformed. A book written for those of us not raised in a church would be a nice way for us to learn what the others(your audience) already know. I was only trying to show you that 'your audience' doesn't need the enlightenment. They already know the story. I thought you'd want to reach and teach new minds. Sorry.
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The book is for entertainment only. The prelude was just to set the stage. The rest of the book is purely fiction and will be understood by all. You don't need to be sorry. I enjoy having you as a reviewer. I know we won't always agree.
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The prelude just didn't help me to know what the book was about since I got hung up on the questions that I asked you which obviously only the churched-readers would 'get.' I doubt that I'd read further if you hadn't just told me that the rest would be understood by all. You need to make the Prelude inviting to ALL. It didn't invite me. I enjoy your imaginitive writing that's why I fanned you. I rarely read religious pieces because I don't understand them. Much is assumed by the writers. Much that many do not know. Not everyone has read the Bible. Not everyone has read Hemmingway, Crichton, Ryan or all of Shakespeare. Writers have to assume a reader has read nothing and then precede to fill in a blank page. Your Prologue should invite a reader to read, not exclude him for lack of knowledge.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of worda, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptivism scheme.
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of worda, making for a very good read. There is very good imagery and descriptivism scheme.
Comment Written 27-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 27-Jan-2014
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Thank you Charlie.
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You're welcome, Amahra. Charlie
