Comment from Showboat

Excellent

Absolutely outstanding, Ric, and don't allow yourself to be in a rush. We all fall prey to that urge, but it's always acting against our best interests.

Excellent story, found it absorbing and although I didn't know where I was, being the first chapter I've read, I was drawn in immediately.

.."be it (whether) they hold documents, jewels, or maybe even dope or money." You might want to substitute 'whether' for 'be it' but that's strictly a style thing.

Excellent, my friend, I'll be there from now on!

Hugs,
Gayle

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much, Gayle, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I write only short stories. A few months ago I didn't know a noun from a verb and nothing about grammar. I spent my life in warp speed, afraid I'd miss something, which gives me a lot of adventures to share. I just need to learn how to pen it. Thanks a million, Ric.

reply by Showboat on 25-Jan-2014

Hang in there, my friend. You have natural talent. Now you just need to hone it. Don't rush, just go at your own speed and attend every seminar you can afford and read lots of stuff here at FS. You'll learn how to write well, but you'll also start to pick up on those automatic 'winces' where you ache for the author. Both equally important to learn. Great job. So, how old are you?

Hugs,
gayle

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Well, unfortunately, I'm an old guy. I'm 58, which doesn't allow me to take too much time to learn. Besides, I've always only had two speeds, rest, and race for the future. Rest was two to three hours sleep a day, never at night. I've always been a reader, but only to teach me about a particular thing or subject. I read my first complete book at 37. Then didn't read a second until 47. I bred and raced thoroughbred horses as I traveled the world in one big party. Then one day at 47, I sat down and realized that I had spent my whole life on the unimportant and missed the things that truly mattered. So, here I am, trying to catch up. Thanks for the help, and the hug, even big boys need them every now and then, Ric. :-)

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

A very written story and timely one. We are all, now days, apprehensive about terrorist bombings. This leads the reader to tap into those apprehensions except it adds another. Can we trust what we believe to be police or medical providers? Very good story and would make a great TV movie.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. With the winter Olympics coming up, I fear for the safety of our athletes and those attending, which is probably what gave me these thoughts. I can't thank you enough. :-)

reply by seaglass on 25-Jan-2014

Yes, my prayers are focuses there. I am old enough to remember Germany and what a shattering tragedy that was. Their purpose is to initiate fear and destroy joy, and in that they have succeeded.

Comment from Cajungirl

Excellent

WOW, this was a very interesting story from beginning to end...? You have a well written story that grips the reader at the very beginning, the dialog your character descriptions are outstanding.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. There is nothing better than a fellow writer liking my work. Well, almost nothing. :-)

Comment from lindalcreel

Excellent

Great story, but he should have been suspicious about the questions and rang for another nurse. Being a nurse for many years, I always explained to my patient what drug was in the syringe before I injected them, so that if there were any questions, they could refuse. Of course that's real world, not fiction. This was well-written, with an explosive plot and believable characters. Great job!

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. When we finish a story we always look back and see many things we should have written differently, but right now, I just need to get away from this one. LOL

reply by lindalcreel on 25-Jan-2014

My pleasure. It was well done:)

Comment from goompa

Exceptional

Extremely well-written and exciting to read. Excellent pacing that creates a very suspenseful read. I enjoyed every word and I look forward to more.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. The reason we write is for fellow writers and readers to enjoy our stories and want to read more. :-)

Comment from Lovewritingstuff

Excellent

First, I really enjoyed the descriptive part of this story, excellent metaphors and almost in a poetic form. The scene in which he observes the Asian-Caucasian girl was really graphic as well as how Trevor tells what he saw. It seems like the bombers got away with it. Very well written and creative.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I wanted to create a lot of questions. Is Trevor Lowry dead or alive? Where did they go and how did they get out, unseen? Will they get caught, or is there anyway to catch them? I just found some mistakes that I had over looked and axed one of more gross paragraphs toward the beginning. :-)

Comment from Green Lake Girl

Excellent

Excellent story! Aargh . . . I am out of "sixers" and this absolutely deserves the full six stars. A great short story, and actually, quite believable.

The first paragraph made me gag. It made me wonder why Trevor was there in the first place.

Great imagery throughout. You capture the male response to a beautiful woman very skillfully. (But of course you did, you're a guy!)

Well done and very entertaining.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated! Yes, the first three chapters are gross, and as of this morning, the third chapter about the old man in sandals is gone. Sometimes when we want to paint a dirty atmosphere, it gets over done. :-)

reply by Green Lake Girl on 25-Jan-2014

This is what I love about FanStory. If you get a comment from a review that has merit, you can change it on the spot and subsequent reviews will be better.

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Yes, me too, especially since a couple months ago I had spag in every single sentence. :-)

Comment from wtwb

Excellent

A good story with an interesting twist at the end.Just one thing makes me wonder:why did the two killers want to make sure of the narrator's death? To protect their identity? If so then they took a huge risk in comming to the hospital. Perhaps they wanted to prevent people from knowing the true cause of the explosion?
Thank you for your story.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. All of your questions are ones that I hoped the story would raise. I'd rather make the reader think and give answers. :-)

Comment from Phyllis Stewart

Excellent

Ric, this was very well written and intriguing till I got to that last part. The terrorists got away with it and were even in the hospital. The point is... we can't win against them? Or what? If this is fantasy, I'd prefer a very different ending. If this is supposed to be realistic, I'd rather not know, for it's saying there's nothing we can do to stop it.

Just wondering... what WAS your point? An honest question, definitely not a criticism, since the writing was superb throughout the story.

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, generous review, and questions are greatly appreciated. My whole point of ending the way I did was to make people think. To question if Trevor Lowry was alive or dead, and if there was any hope in catching the perpetrators. There is no ending, yet I did leave hope, however slim. I wish we all could learn to accept people along with their differences, but until we do, these foolish and heartbreaking acts will continue.

Comment from Patrick G Cox

Excellent

Hi Ric Myworld,

The two Officers guarding the patient must have been exceptionally inattentive if two people could walk past them ...

Interesting tale, nasty twist in the end there. Poor sucker, surviving the bombing only to get killed for his pains.

Patrick

 Comment Written 25-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 25-Jan-2014

Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. He might be dead, but there is hope that he isn't, and that the perpetrators might get caught. :-)