Along the Jericho Road
Viewing comments for Chapter 53 "Napha Moon, Part II"Murder Mystery
47 total reviews
Comment from Connie C
Another very fine chapter, Bev, full of excellent dialogue, especially between Derek and Dresden. Your imagery is powerful and really helps to set the tone for what is happening. I hope we get to read Jana's response when she enters the room.
By the way, congratulations on winning second place in novel of the month. I am so happy for you.
I'm sorry I don't have any sixes left. This is so deserving of one.
Hugs,
Connie
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2014
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Another very fine chapter, Bev, full of excellent dialogue, especially between Derek and Dresden. Your imagery is powerful and really helps to set the tone for what is happening. I hope we get to read Jana's response when she enters the room.
By the way, congratulations on winning second place in novel of the month. I am so happy for you.
I'm sorry I don't have any sixes left. This is so deserving of one.
Hugs,
Connie
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 24-Jan-2014
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Hello, my friend. I am very honored by your in-depth review and words of encouragement. A five is a wonderfully generous rating, and I much appreciate it. You've been so loyal and have helped me stay on this project. I should be giving YOU a six.
Hugs, Bev
Comment from judiverse
What a grisly discovery! I'll be curious to see what Jana's reaction is going to be. The boy seems to have been arranged in a rather seductive manner. Great interplay between the detectives. I like the way you show Skeets's thoughts about Eddie and the way he carries out his investigation. Dresden is all attitude when he shows up. Derek kind of puts him in his place, though, when he mentions the drinking. judi
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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What a grisly discovery! I'll be curious to see what Jana's reaction is going to be. The boy seems to have been arranged in a rather seductive manner. Great interplay between the detectives. I like the way you show Skeets's thoughts about Eddie and the way he carries out his investigation. Dresden is all attitude when he shows up. Derek kind of puts him in his place, though, when he mentions the drinking. judi
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Judi. Yes, tensions are high and going to get even higher LOL. Much appreciate the generous review. Bev
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You're so welcome, Bev, and will be eager to see what happens when Jana arrives on the scene. judi
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Bev. What a joy it is to read another fine chapter of your book. You are very good at this, I hope I have told you that before now. LOL fantastic imagery and dialogue, like:
"He moved in for a closer look at a photograph of the boy, now a teenager, lying against a stack of pillows. Long, black hair was pulled forward and formed seductive curls just above the nipple line of his bare chest. He had high cheekbones, a slight hook in the curve of his nose, and looked to be Native American. With a sickening thud, Derek registered the strong resemblance to one of his homicide detectives."
And: "Derek became aware of the large figure blocking the doorway. Detective Skeets Epstein's eyes danced with humor, and Derek surmised he'd caught most of the conversation. He stepped around the irate Special Agent and approached him." (Isn't it amazing how finding a strong verb like "danced" gives power to a phrase or paragraph, Bev? LOL
Suggestions: He stood at the foot of the bed, hand resting on his service weapon, studying the impaled rosaries lining the bedroom wall." I would have worded this a tad different and made it my opener as it's a great hook:
"Skeets stood at the foot of the bed, hand resting on his Glock, studying the impaled rosaries lining the bedroom wall." (all detectives carry 9mm Glocks now and it just makes it more visual, I think)
"A fresh panic (Just start with panic.)
"you have a history of alcohol... issues... shall we say? (Let's just say you have a problem with alcohol abuse.)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Hi, Bev. What a joy it is to read another fine chapter of your book. You are very good at this, I hope I have told you that before now. LOL fantastic imagery and dialogue, like:
"He moved in for a closer look at a photograph of the boy, now a teenager, lying against a stack of pillows. Long, black hair was pulled forward and formed seductive curls just above the nipple line of his bare chest. He had high cheekbones, a slight hook in the curve of his nose, and looked to be Native American. With a sickening thud, Derek registered the strong resemblance to one of his homicide detectives."
And: "Derek became aware of the large figure blocking the doorway. Detective Skeets Epstein's eyes danced with humor, and Derek surmised he'd caught most of the conversation. He stepped around the irate Special Agent and approached him." (Isn't it amazing how finding a strong verb like "danced" gives power to a phrase or paragraph, Bev? LOL
Suggestions: He stood at the foot of the bed, hand resting on his service weapon, studying the impaled rosaries lining the bedroom wall." I would have worded this a tad different and made it my opener as it's a great hook:
"Skeets stood at the foot of the bed, hand resting on his Glock, studying the impaled rosaries lining the bedroom wall." (all detectives carry 9mm Glocks now and it just makes it more visual, I think)
"A fresh panic (Just start with panic.)
"you have a history of alcohol... issues... shall we say? (Let's just say you have a problem with alcohol abuse.)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Hi, Bob. Thanks so much for your very gracious and generous review. I'm honored by your words of support for my chapter, and I appreciate your insights and suggesions. I can always use a fresh set of eyes, especially from one who writes this genre so well! Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from emrpoems
Love how things are being put together. Basically you have used eloquent language and kept the pace moving. Looking forward to the mystery of the body in the freezer.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Love how things are being put together. Basically you have used eloquent language and kept the pace moving. Looking forward to the mystery of the body in the freezer.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Hi, EM. Thank you very much for your gracious and generous review! Warm regards, Bev
Comment from CowboyToo
Excellent dialogue serving up voices we can hear in our heads. The story moves along on quick-fire repartee which defines each character and stays true to that image. I don't know the whole story, so I wanted a bit more action or revelation, but that probably isn't an accurate evaluation. The writing is sophisticated and spot-on.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Excellent dialogue serving up voices we can hear in our heads. The story moves along on quick-fire repartee which defines each character and stays true to that image. I don't know the whole story, so I wanted a bit more action or revelation, but that probably isn't an accurate evaluation. The writing is sophisticated and spot-on.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Hi, Cowboy Too. Thank you so much for this gracious and encouraging review. I appreciate you taking time to read! Regards, Bev
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ah, I am feeling so vindicated for my suspicions! This is my genre, Bev, all the way, and I LOVE this book! I hope I'm right and it turns out to be one of the police. :) Excellent chapter again, my friend - pure tension!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Ah, I am feeling so vindicated for my suspicions! This is my genre, Bev, all the way, and I LOVE this book! I hope I'm right and it turns out to be one of the police. :) Excellent chapter again, my friend - pure tension!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thanks so very much, Dawn. Now the race is on...
So appreciate your support and encouragement, my friend.
Love, Bev
Comment from Narvik
Hey Bev, great job of depicting this troubling scene. I could really visualize the religious relics and other atmosphere.
The conflict between agent Stredwick and Derek was nicely done, and it both added to the tension of the chapter and to developing the characters.
Nice hook at the end of the chapter too.
As for the writing itself, it was clear, nicely paced, and well-polished.I wouldn't change a thing. Keep up the good work.
~ Jack
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Hey Bev, great job of depicting this troubling scene. I could really visualize the religious relics and other atmosphere.
The conflict between agent Stredwick and Derek was nicely done, and it both added to the tension of the chapter and to developing the characters.
Nice hook at the end of the chapter too.
As for the writing itself, it was clear, nicely paced, and well-polished.I wouldn't change a thing. Keep up the good work.
~ Jack
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Hi, Jack. I'm honored by your encouragement and generosity! Especially sweet coming from a writer I so admire.
Warmest regards, Bev
Comment from Joy Graham
I'm so glad we are pushing on with this case. You have had me sitting on the edge of my seat, so to speak. You do suspense well, my friend :) Can't wait for more. I want an autographed copy of this book when it's published!
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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I'm so glad we are pushing on with this case. You have had me sitting on the edge of my seat, so to speak. You do suspense well, my friend :) Can't wait for more. I want an autographed copy of this book when it's published!
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Now the race is one... I thank you so much for your patience and generosity, Joy. You've brightened my day with your encouragement. Hugs, Bev
Comment from c_lucas
There is no love lost for the way the FBI walk over local authority. As a friend of mine, retire cop, once told me, The FBI is a pain in the ass. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
*****
My error. I will upgrade it.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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There is no love lost for the way the FBI walk over local authority. As a friend of mine, retire cop, once told me, The FBI is a pain in the ass. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words.
*****
My error. I will upgrade it.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Charlie. Do you have suggestions for changes since you gave this four stars indicing need for improvement? :0) Bev
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My error Bev. Charlie
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Appreciate it, Charlie. :0) Bev
Comment from boxergirl
This is another nice continuation of your story line. Derek and Dresden bicker back and forth, but clearly Derek is in charge. The imagery of the pictures on the wall comes through strongly and Derek feels they have finally found a breakthrough in the case. 8-)
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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This is another nice continuation of your story line. Derek and Dresden bicker back and forth, but clearly Derek is in charge. The imagery of the pictures on the wall comes through strongly and Derek feels they have finally found a breakthrough in the case. 8-)
Comment Written 23-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, BG. I really appreciate your continued support and encouragement. Warm regards, Bev
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My pleasure. 8-)
