The Wind
rhyming quatrains169 total reviews
Comment from Adri7enne
Plenty of well-developed ideas, flowing from line to line with lovely enjambments. Sawyer is sure having a great time learning about his world. It sort of gives everyone around new insights to see the world through a child's eyes. Nice one, Brooke.
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Plenty of well-developed ideas, flowing from line to line with lovely enjambments. Sawyer is sure having a great time learning about his world. It sort of gives everyone around new insights to see the world through a child's eyes. Nice one, Brooke.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Adrienne, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Domino 2
I wondered what to expect when I read the title, Brooke. :-0
I love the word, 'whooshing' which well alliterates with 'wind'.
I'm not a fan of abbreviations, which I find distracting, when alternate words can be found which mean the same to meet the meter.
You also repeat 'huddle' and 'chill', when I'm sure more dramatic words could be substituted for the second in each case.
You also repeat 'wind' 4 times when maybe other similar words could be more interesting ('gust' 'gale' etc).
I appreciate final 'Wind' is implied as a capitalised personification in proper noun form.
OK, I'm in one of my nit-picky moods, but I know you crave them to improve. :-)
Best wishes, Ted
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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I wondered what to expect when I read the title, Brooke. :-0
I love the word, 'whooshing' which well alliterates with 'wind'.
I'm not a fan of abbreviations, which I find distracting, when alternate words can be found which mean the same to meet the meter.
You also repeat 'huddle' and 'chill', when I'm sure more dramatic words could be substituted for the second in each case.
You also repeat 'wind' 4 times when maybe other similar words could be more interesting ('gust' 'gale' etc).
I appreciate final 'Wind' is implied as a capitalised personification in proper noun form.
OK, I'm in one of my nit-picky moods, but I know you crave them to improve. :-)
Best wishes, Ted
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thank you, Ted, for your thoughtful feedback :-) It is more than obvious that I am a huge fan of repetition and you, not so much. LOL Brooke
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I'm not a fan of repetition.
I'm not a fan of repetition.
I'm not a fan of repetition.
Well, maybe I am, I am, I am. :-) xx
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LOL
I sometimes get the impression you think I use a repeated word or a contraction or whatever because I'm in a rush and unwilling to spend more time to find something "better." I doubt you would believe just how much time and thought I put into each and every word choice.
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Oy you, oy you, oy you!
Did you mean you're 'not a fan' of ME 'so much?
No no no, that can't be be be true.
LOL xx
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I know you spend loads of time to perfect your poems, Brooke, and I much appreciate them - especially the wonderfully consistent meter and cute themes.
Ted xx
Comment from Joy Graham
This is too cute, Brooke :) Nice poem about the wind inspired by Sawyer. I can relate because Mason was fascinated by the big fan we have in our entry way. He stares up at it as if mesmerized and if someone turns it off he points to the switch and makes eye contact until he gets someone to turn it on. He loves watching the fan lol!
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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This is too cute, Brooke :) Nice poem about the wind inspired by Sawyer. I can relate because Mason was fascinated by the big fan we have in our entry way. He stares up at it as if mesmerized and if someone turns it off he points to the switch and makes eye contact until he gets someone to turn it on. He loves watching the fan lol!
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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There really is something about those fans LOL Sawyer and Mason could have a heck of a playdate at Home Depot. :-) Thanks so much, Joy :-) Brooke
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. Brrrrr, best get huddled down by the fire with a carrot and a big pile of dried grass...well I like hot chocolate and a book on those windy, cold days.
May you be well.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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Hello. Brrrrr, best get huddled down by the fire with a carrot and a big pile of dried grass...well I like hot chocolate and a book on those windy, cold days.
May you be well.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2014
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padumachitta, thank you so much, my friend :-) Brooke
Comment from Bill Schott
This picture, which accompanies your rhyming quatrains, completely changes the nature of the poem to one of connectivity to our understanding wind. The dangerous aspects of tornado winds can be frightening. The gentle breeze on a warm day can be refreshing. The ceiling fan to a child is fantastic.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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This picture, which accompanies your rhyming quatrains, completely changes the nature of the poem to one of connectivity to our understanding wind. The dangerous aspects of tornado winds can be frightening. The gentle breeze on a warm day can be refreshing. The ceiling fan to a child is fantastic.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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Bill, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from rjuselius
such a fabulous piece of poetry! it makes a terrific children's poem. the background is sweet!
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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such a fabulous piece of poetry! it makes a terrific children's poem. the background is sweet!
thank you for sharing!
rebekka x
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Rebekka, thank you so much :-) Brooke
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
A lively little poem, Brooke..
flows beautifully.
and I can see Sawyer is pursing his lips
as if blowing when he's looking up at
the fans --
Most enjoyable, my friend.
No wind here today - just sunshine, altho still chill.
Margaret
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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A lively little poem, Brooke..
flows beautifully.
and I can see Sawyer is pursing his lips
as if blowing when he's looking up at
the fans --
Most enjoyable, my friend.
No wind here today - just sunshine, altho still chill.
Margaret
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Margaret - I love how he finds adventure everywhere, even at Home Depot! LOL :-) Brooke
Comment from Matoshka
Oh the innocence of a child and their thoughts, I wonder if he will always love ceiling fans. I did pity the fox and the hare as the wind blows so coldly, but then, they do have fur coats. LOL I enjoyed this so much, Brooke. Blessings
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Oh the innocence of a child and their thoughts, I wonder if he will always love ceiling fans. I did pity the fox and the hare as the wind blows so coldly, but then, they do have fur coats. LOL I enjoyed this so much, Brooke. Blessings
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 20-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, Matoshka :-) Brooke
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So welcome and I enjoyed it so much. Blessings
Comment from TAB_that's me
You got that right - the wind keeps spilling. Three days last week of 40+ mph wind here. I like the line of puffs its chest and fills its lungs.
~Teresa~
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reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
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You got that right - the wind keeps spilling. Three days last week of 40+ mph wind here. I like the line of puffs its chest and fills its lungs.
~Teresa~
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2014
Teresa, thank you so much :-) Today with the snow coming down all day I've been watching the wind blow it all over the place. Brooke
