Comment from Bobby Jo

Excellent

This is a beautiful poem that can almost get me in to tears, as I am beginning to prepare for my daughters 8th grade graduation. She is already telling me the college's she wants to attend. And I am sad to think we only have 4 years with her before she sheds her own wings.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thank you - but you can't spend the next four years in tears!

It is a momentous occasion in the lives of many families.

Steve

Comment from juliaSjames

Excellent

I like this very much, Steve. Beautifully written both as a sonnet and as the tale of a nestling's first flight.

Wonderful encouragement for us to use our metaphorical wings.

I have some reservations about "A sudden joy I drink". For me, joy comes later. Not when one is nerving oneself for the leap.

Not that this small point is likely to spoil your chances of a win in the contest.

This is a fine write.

Just adding a note to suggest, "A sudden force" instead of "A sudden joy".

Good luck!

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thanks, Julia - point taken about the timing of the joy - probably too late to change it now - let's say the joy comes with the sudden faith without which he is never going to make the leap....

Steve

reply by juliaSjames on 19-Jan-2014

lol

luck to you, steve!

Comment from ragamuffin

Excellent

I think you truly captured the "thrill of flight" with the description in this piece. It not only paints a beautiful picture of the sights of flight, but the emotion, the excitement of that first flight. "Fear is answered with a leap of faith." That's an excellent and strong, uplifting thought.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thank you - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from The Death

Excellent

Hi,
This a finely written English sonnet with finely flowing lines written in iambic pentameter.

I like the opening very much which conveys freedom.

Excellent rhyming as per the form with effective use of enjambment as well.

And what an effective introduction of volta in the third verse(though not separated).

I like the essence of this write and the phrasing is beautiful.

You did an amazing work!

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thank you - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

solid rhymes in good English sonnet format
nice alliteration in still to swell
excellent use of enjambment
good assonance in rush tumbling
and in fear/leap
soulfully expressive - I just love the spirit of that final line
excellent contrast in emotion between the first quatrains and the poem after the turn, but spirit feels
Brooke

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thanks, Brooke, for the always thorough review.

Steve

Comment from Rondeno

Excellent

Outstanding work, Steve! This has "winner" written all over it. You say things which are beyond words ... and that's REAL poetry!

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thanks, Mike - think I've had my winner for this month - I'll be happy if this makes it onto the podium.

Steve

Comment from zanya

Excellent

A wonderful expression of rising to life's challenges - spreading wings tentatively and then 'spirit feels the tug of ancient dreams'- a sense of mystery here.

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thank you - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from visionary1234

Excellent

This is drop-dead gorgeous, Steve! Love the form you've chosen, without a separate ending couplet, but using enjambment. And this, especially, is powerful:
past ruined citadels of shattered stone;
but spirit feels the tug of ancient dreams
and now I stand unfettered on the brink
of freedom.

Should I even bother writing one??? Bet you'll clean up again!
:)S

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thanks, Sharyn - no, I'm not expecting to 'clean up' with this one. I suspect a more traditional form of faith will be rewarded - we shall see.

Thanks as always for the enthusiasm.

Steve

reply by visionary1234 on 19-Jan-2014

well I did write one just for fun, but nothing as challenging or as gorgeous as your sonnet dear - take a peek if you would - it's paying the big bugs, though stupidly so, as I posted on a Friday night when no one has any sixes to spare!! Oh well, one born every minute!!! :))))

reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Yes, of course I have read and reviewed your poem - just having a senior moment - sometimes seem to be more of them than the other kind!

Speaking of big bugs - is it my imagination or do we have to shell out even more than usual to get anywhere near the front page these days?

I have never spent a cent of real money on promoting, but now it seems almost impossible to earn enough to get into the top 12....

Steve

reply by visionary1234 on 19-Jan-2014

not your imagination at all - I used to count on being safely there at $90. Sometimes it's closer now to $120 or $130 - but I guess the scramblers are out for 'rankings' at the moment ... (sorry, I forgot - I think you DID read mine ... duh). I know I'm doing well if I even get to posting one high on front page once a week or so - too damned busy otherwise in the B&B!!!

reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Busy is good I presume - it's a bugger when life gets in the way of poetry though.

Comment from Kenneth Schaal

Excellent

Why beg the readers comprehension and separate the stanzas when it reads well as one unit. Yes, the magnificent bird is born with faith. Kenny

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thank you, Kenny - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from 4caresmiles

Excellent

This is nice. It gives the act of leaving home energy and life. We gain the most in life from taking risks and learn the most from failure. Best wishes!

 Comment Written 16-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014

Thank you - glad you enjoyed.

Steve