Seven In Eleven
Seven Lost In Eleven Years40 total reviews
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
This is a very well written free verse. You list it as general poetry but it rings of truth. But then that is a measure of good poetry. You convincingly tell the story of squandered opportunities and the writer is full of regret. A story told in rhyming couplets. I love your last two lines. This is really worth reading. Regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This is a very well written free verse. You list it as general poetry but it rings of truth. But then that is a measure of good poetry. You convincingly tell the story of squandered opportunities and the writer is full of regret. A story told in rhyming couplets. I love your last two lines. This is really worth reading. Regards Dorothy
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, Dorothy. It's actually not a free verse, but it certainly seems like it could be. It's a Sixteener, in iambic verse. I could actually cut the lines in half, where the internal rhymes are, but I think it reads easier straight across. I appreciate the great review. I appreciate your observations and kind words.
Comment from Robin Gilmor
The verse is dramatic and the message very clear with smooth reading line to line. I am curious how you decided on the form. Did your story or form come first? I've used internal rhyme on every third line of a verse as it developed on it's own but not every line. So does your first line roll out and set the form for the entire verse? An interesting and creative write. Smiles, Robin :)
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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The verse is dramatic and the message very clear with smooth reading line to line. I am curious how you decided on the form. Did your story or form come first? I've used internal rhyme on every third line of a verse as it developed on it's own but not every line. So does your first line roll out and set the form for the entire verse? An interesting and creative write. Smiles, Robin :)
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Robin, thank you so much for the six, and for your question. Sometimes I already know the form I want to use, but in this one, I started writing, and as I went the pace I wanted to keep went best with a longer line, and longer sentences. Every poem has its own origin, really, in terms of how you choose the content and the form that goes with it. There's no write or wrong, either. It's just personal preference. Thanks again!
Comment from dmt1967
This is a nice poem it took me back to a younger and funnier time when my thoughts for what people thought of me was were a lot less than they are now lol thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This is a nice poem it took me back to a younger and funnier time when my thoughts for what people thought of me was were a lot less than they are now lol thank you for sharing
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, dmt.
Comment from lizabethrita
wow good, I feel your pain, and I am amazed about the cadence.A challenge to attempt this type of poem.and yes,,,,,we know about the seven.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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wow good, I feel your pain, and I am amazed about the cadence.A challenge to attempt this type of poem.and yes,,,,,we know about the seven.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you very much, lizabethrita, for the six and for the great and observational review. :)
Comment from emrpoems
Why my relationships are finished long before they even start,
And why rejection has diminished my attempts to share my heart. Loved these lines which I think is the essence of this poem.
Which showed a copper sun, ascending like the waking eye of fate,
To throw its gaze, a sober mending, but eleven summers late.
Strong ending.
Excellent use of enjambment throughout.
Unusual way you have expressed your emotions and well written like a true poet
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Why my relationships are finished long before they even start,
And why rejection has diminished my attempts to share my heart. Loved these lines which I think is the essence of this poem.
Which showed a copper sun, ascending like the waking eye of fate,
To throw its gaze, a sober mending, but eleven summers late.
Strong ending.
Excellent use of enjambment throughout.
Unusual way you have expressed your emotions and well written like a true poet
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much, emr. I really appreciate it! :)
Comment from robina1978
When you wrote your foot note, I realised the internal rhyme as well. A poem like this is quite an achievement, I don't think I can do this. I hope it is not you always searching and not finding the right one.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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When you wrote your foot note, I realised the internal rhyme as well. A poem like this is quite an achievement, I don't think I can do this. I hope it is not you always searching and not finding the right one.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Robina, thanks so much for your attentive and kind review. I'll bet you CAN do it, and I'll help you if you're interested. :)
Comment from padumachitta
Hello. I try to read all poems out loud a couple times before I review them. I figure poems are meant to be read with the ears too. I like reading your stuff. This one was a bit of a challenge for me, I have a strong CDN accent and tend to wander away at the end of a line.
Still, I am amazed at the detail and work in this style.
But, really in the end, I just liked the imagery and the feel and context of this. kinda' been there done that feeling for me.
May you be well
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reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Hello. I try to read all poems out loud a couple times before I review them. I figure poems are meant to be read with the ears too. I like reading your stuff. This one was a bit of a challenge for me, I have a strong CDN accent and tend to wander away at the end of a line.
Still, I am amazed at the detail and work in this style.
But, really in the end, I just liked the imagery and the feel and context of this. kinda' been there done that feeling for me.
May you be well
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Padumachitta, I certainly can understand that, so I appreciate your attention and your stamina in soldiering on. Thanks for your kind words!
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hey. I didn't need to soldier on. I enjoyed every moment of it!(also there is acertain wry humour to it that I liked)
padumachiita
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Thanks, pad. There definitely was. I try to be wry even when I cry. ;)
Comment from MarjorieAnne
This masterful rendering of an unusual form expresses weighty emotions with elegant poignance. One suggestion: to avoid using I twice in a line change to "so I stammer when hast'ning to explain".
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This masterful rendering of an unusual form expresses weighty emotions with elegant poignance. One suggestion: to avoid using I twice in a line change to "so I stammer when hast'ning to explain".
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much, MarjorieAnne. I'll consider that change, and I appreciate the suggestion.
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MarjorieAnne, unfortunately the suggestion would disturb the meter, but I greatly appreciate your time, attention, and suggestion.
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You're welcome
Comment from in777wr#
This was a sobering poem. The title of this poem is interesting. You can feel the regrets of this person losing seven relationships in eleven years. Very vivid emotional details. Great poetic device. My favorite line was, "They pound the conscience like a hammer driving justice through the brain". A very well written poem.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This was a sobering poem. The title of this poem is interesting. You can feel the regrets of this person losing seven relationships in eleven years. Very vivid emotional details. Great poetic device. My favorite line was, "They pound the conscience like a hammer driving justice through the brain". A very well written poem.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much for the 6, and for the great review. I appreciate your observations, and for you pointing out a specific line you liked. Cheers!
David
Comment from 24chas
This is very impressive writing. I'd give the difficulty of writing the poem a 10. This flowed and the meter was perfect. I could feel the pain. In fact, I feel a little buzzed now myself.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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This is very impressive writing. I'd give the difficulty of writing the poem a 10. This flowed and the meter was perfect. I could feel the pain. In fact, I feel a little buzzed now myself.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2014
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Thanks so much for that, Chas. I appreciate it very much. Drink lots of water to prevent a hangover.
