Comment from lludlow

Excellent

This is just moving along so well! Congratulations!
You've alluded to Dr. Kellogg's emotions/personality a few times now, so I hope something is going to happen there.

The wake up scene with the coffee doesn't seem to add much to the story. If you really want to use it, maybe write something about this being the last day of his life--he's excited about his new life.
One bit of your dialog is unnatural ("the lessening of stress...)
The second to last para. maybe just switch it up to say when he heard his stomach (not tummy) growl, he looked at his watch and was surprised...

 Comment Written 11-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014

Everyone but me hates 'tummy' if you're writing for age 7 and above, lol. Just a holdover, I guess. Yes, stomach for sure.

I'll go over this chapter again, make sure I'm not just typing for nothing, lol.

Sure appreciate the support and enthusiasm.

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

Well, now we shall see how his new life works for him as well as the surgery.

When they'd finished the examination and taken dozens of photos, Dr. Parisi turned to Brad. (When I read this I put in a had before taken. I know there's one before finished, but I still read it with a had. Not sure!!)

 Comment Written 10-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014

Let me check that one out, Barbara. I was kiting on the first 'had' but let me check again! Good eye!

Thanks so much for the fine comments and review!

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

Oooo, I hope it's the soup! How exciting to be able to pick a new face.... and have all the money to go with it. Pick a career, pic a lifestyle... what an opportunity. I love the thought of it, Giddy

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 11-Jan-2014

Hey Gayle, it's quite the concept isn't it. You don't know the backstory to my books, but you're about to meet the real stars of the show. They lead quite an exciting life, too.

Okay, I'm thrilled you're still with me, thanks so much for the great comments and rating,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Sylvia Page

Excellent

your last day to do it[+? ]
Cousin Phil - cousin is capitalized here
Good choice[-,]
Tonight[+,] only

There is an element of nervousness getting through to me and that is understandable with regards to the proposed surgical procedures. Apart from that, there's another kind of nervous tension. Am I right? Good work, keep it up.
Cheers
Sylvia

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Hey Sylvia, let me get to those nits. Yes, it's getting nervous. I want to get this one out, for some reason, faster than I should! Hang in there and thanks so much for the great comments and eye.

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Liz Dunbee

Excellent

A very well researched piece. The doctor's explanation of the after operation procedure is concise and believable. Armstrong's reactions and feelings are true to life. Excellent descriptions and an enjoyable read ending on a good note for the reader.

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Thanks so much, Liz, for the great comments and review. We're moving along at a good pace now and I'm going to try to slow a bit!

Thanks so much,
Gayle

Comment from shelley kaye

Excellent

classic 80s rock .... bon jovi, right? :-D

great chapter! didn't notice any spaggies or typos. can't wait to see what happens next.... and when he meets 'hali' ;)

can't wait to see how jim and lenny get involved with this....

thanx for sharing :)

 Comment Written 09-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Hey Cali Gyrl, yep, perhaps some Dire Straits? Lady in Red?

I think Brad and Hali are going to be great friends, maybe more. I'm STILL hungry! Gotta get the core team in there! All the fans are clamoring for Amy, lol.

Thanks for the great comments,

Hugs,
Gayle

Comment from Ted T

Exceptional

Hi Gayle :)

Nice work, you've picked up the pace and cut back on "Telling"

Just enough set up to move the reader along.

However, Zack's story is overshadowing Hati's

NITS:

when [ he] stopped his net search -- missing word.

Good, much shorter chapter.

NOTE:

I don't think I've critiqued six chapters? Have I missed something?

Ted

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Love that sixer, my friend. Thank you very much! Yes, I think you got them all so far. I plan to have these two characters get together pretty soon, just not sure how as yet.

Maybe Jim needs another PI?

Thanks again for the great comments, superior rating and eagle eye!

Hugs,
Gayle

reply by Ted T on 09-Jan-2014

If there are SPAG issues I'm not catching them. I haven't read any of your other reviews to see different opinions :)

Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

Reconstruction is a difficult procedure which can turn out bad. However with two specialists handling the knife, Armstrong should come out with the desired results.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Yes, I'm sure he will. Now, having jumped into this without a whole lot of thought, do you think he's going to have buyer's remorse or will he just be relieved to start over?

Hugs and thanks,
Gayle

reply by c_lucas on 09-Jan-2014

I don't think he will start over. You're welcome, Gayle. Charlie

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

This is well written. This is descriptive and draws the reader into the experience. I am sure this is a great book. Good luck with it's success.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Thank you so much for the fine comments. I hope you read along,

Gayle

Comment from lindalcreel

Excellent

Now I wonder who the doctors were actually expecting in Zach's place. Well after tomorrow he will be Brad Armstrong, but if someone else knew about the name, Zach might be in trouble later on. That's the magic of storytelling; one never knows.

 Comment Written 08-Jan-2014

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reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014

Hi Linda,

I did this open ended so I could work around that very question. The doctors see the patient for the first time at admittance. Their only earlier contact is by email. I haven't touched on how one finds the Clinic, though - haven't a clue, actually :)

It's the best part of fiction, if you can make it sound possible, people will suspend a good amount of disbelief.

Thanks so much, appreciate the comments,

Hugs,
Gayle

reply by lindalcreel on 09-Jan-2014

So welcome, Gayle. It is the fun of writing fiction because you never really know where your pen will take you.