Steve's Story-Poems
Viewing comments for Chapter 36 "Me and Spiggo-Thingo"A collection of my poems
83 total reviews
Comment from B. Diehl
To your author notes: there is nothing wrong with exaggerating. This was a fantastic poem -- very long, but you made up for the long length by holding my interest with your originality.
-B<3
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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To your author notes: there is nothing wrong with exaggerating. This was a fantastic poem -- very long, but you made up for the long length by holding my interest with your originality.
-B<3
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Brandon.
Steve
Comment from L.A.Matthies
I took a seat with terror for I mingled with bacteria;
There on my left sat chicken pox and on my right diphtheria;
Across the room lurked cholera, behind me lay malaria,
Oh what relief, my stay was brief within this lethal area.
-Excellent job, just filled with clever humor! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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I took a seat with terror for I mingled with bacteria;
There on my left sat chicken pox and on my right diphtheria;
Across the room lurked cholera, behind me lay malaria,
Oh what relief, my stay was brief within this lethal area.
-Excellent job, just filled with clever humor! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
Comment from Janie King
You may not like taking a pill everyday but that little pill can save you a lot of grief and sorrow. Thank God you've got it and found it in time. Very interesting poem. I'm not a doctor person either but there are times we have to give in to remain healthy. God loves you and so do I.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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You may not like taking a pill everyday but that little pill can save you a lot of grief and sorrow. Thank God you've got it and found it in time. Very interesting poem. I'm not a doctor person either but there are times we have to give in to remain healthy. God loves you and so do I.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Janie.
Yes, I am enough of a realist to follow basic medical advice - I won't enjoy taking the pill, but I will take it.
Steve
Comment from Joy Graham
This is a very funny write. Loved your meter and was impressed that you managed to rhyme some tricky words. I found the tongue placed firmly in cheek at several places while I read your story. I am a bit of a germ phobic and you just helped my despair with new ideas of what is out there lol! I have troubles with the bp so can relate very well. Take care and good luck in this contest. You have a contender with this entry.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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This is a very funny write. Loved your meter and was impressed that you managed to rhyme some tricky words. I found the tongue placed firmly in cheek at several places while I read your story. I am a bit of a germ phobic and you just helped my despair with new ideas of what is out there lol! I have troubles with the bp so can relate very well. Take care and good luck in this contest. You have a contender with this entry.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Joy - I have trouble getting my tongue out of my cheek - don't know if there a medical term for that condition!
Stev
Comment from bichonfrisegirl
Delightful ... just delightful, Steve! You gave me soooo many chuckles with this fun write. Not fun that you have high blood pressure and have to take a pill every day, none the less it sparked a fun write out of you, I gotta say!
Where to begin? "'strordinary" ... clever abbreviation! "Mikey's Monster Marrow" ... great alliteration and funny! Fave line ... "There's ADD and STD, TB and gonorrhoea. This was a hilarious write, about someone's germ-o-phobia and fear of going to the doctor's office. I think we can all relate to this to a certain extent. :)
Great write, Steve! Very entertaining!
Connie
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Delightful ... just delightful, Steve! You gave me soooo many chuckles with this fun write. Not fun that you have high blood pressure and have to take a pill every day, none the less it sparked a fun write out of you, I gotta say!
Where to begin? "'strordinary" ... clever abbreviation! "Mikey's Monster Marrow" ... great alliteration and funny! Fave line ... "There's ADD and STD, TB and gonorrhoea. This was a hilarious write, about someone's germ-o-phobia and fear of going to the doctor's office. I think we can all relate to this to a certain extent. :)
Great write, Steve! Very entertaining!
Connie
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Connie, for the great review, the six stars and best of all, the chuckles.
Steve
Comment from kiwijenny
I hope six stars won't get your blood pressure up......I hesitate to give it . But I chortled through you spiel,until I realized you were sick for real..there is a typo a the for then...I think..but I can't find it now..stink..
Take care my friend....
God bless
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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I hope six stars won't get your blood pressure up......I hesitate to give it . But I chortled through you spiel,until I realized you were sick for real..there is a typo a the for then...I think..but I can't find it now..stink..
Take care my friend....
God bless
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Jenny.
I can't be sick, I don't feel sick, I'm never sick! I'll hust take their damn pill to humour them.
Steve
Comment from dragonpoet
This is a well written sarcastic poem. I like the description of your fellow patients in the waiting room. I think there should be two different closed of waiting rooms at each doctor's office. One for the sick and one for the healthy. I do assume the disinfect each exam room between guests. The wife's nagging seems a good thing in the end.
You were lucky that your high blood pressure didn't cause you any serious health problems.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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This is a well written sarcastic poem. I like the description of your fellow patients in the waiting room. I think there should be two different closed of waiting rooms at each doctor's office. One for the sick and one for the healthy. I do assume the disinfect each exam room between guests. The wife's nagging seems a good thing in the end.
You were lucky that your high blood pressure didn't cause you any serious health problems.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You're welcome, Steve.
Joan
Comment from robina1978
These well written quatrains are hilariously funny. I am still laughing. A random check usually does not tell much but you had a bit of high blood pressure and then rushed home to wash all the germs from the people in the waiting room off. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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These well written quatrains are hilariously funny. I am still laughing. A random check usually does not tell much but you had a bit of high blood pressure and then rushed home to wash all the germs from the people in the waiting room off. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thank you for the glowing review and the six shiny stars and best of all for the laugh - that's what it's all about really (though the $100 would be handy too!)
Steve
Comment from michaelcahill
Always amazing. You elevate a simple Doctors visit to an epic and entertaining festival of laughs. I used to say I can't imagine the amount of work that it must have taken to get this good, but I am just beginning to imagine it and that is a good thing. How lucky we are to have a sight with professional quality writers that we can study and learn from. Most enjoyable and very much appreciated. Thank you, mikey
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Always amazing. You elevate a simple Doctors visit to an epic and entertaining festival of laughs. I used to say I can't imagine the amount of work that it must have taken to get this good, but I am just beginning to imagine it and that is a good thing. How lucky we are to have a sight with professional quality writers that we can study and learn from. Most enjoyable and very much appreciated. Thank you, mikey
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thanks, Mikey.
You are right, I probably wouldn't be writing at all if not for FanStory.
Steve
Comment from Witwoo
You wrote this well. While there's nothing needing change and it was educated and humourus (meriting 5 stars), it dragged on a bit half-way through. You have very clever use of invented words which mimic speech; 'strordinary; p'raps;
I read this several times, and every time I arrived at "petulance" I heard "pestilence" in my head. They both worked.
I also found that there was no consensus regarding the quatrain format (in general, not yours), so you (writing the R&M the way you did) will serve you well in the contest. Good luck!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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You wrote this well. While there's nothing needing change and it was educated and humourus (meriting 5 stars), it dragged on a bit half-way through. You have very clever use of invented words which mimic speech; 'strordinary; p'raps;
I read this several times, and every time I arrived at "petulance" I heard "pestilence" in my head. They both worked.
I also found that there was no consensus regarding the quatrain format (in general, not yours), so you (writing the R&M the way you did) will serve you well in the contest. Good luck!
Comment Written 05-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2014
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Thank you!
Steve
