Haibun (Patchwork)
The yin and yang of life's inconsistencies.39 total reviews
Comment from Wordsmither
Dallas01
There is so much that rings true to life in your writing. I had to read one line to another, because the hints of this person's life is enough to touch emotion, but also our interest to find the reasons for the suffering. Regardless of what they are, we all suffer, but to bring in the dementia, recorded in a journal kept under the bed ( a place private & personal, where she was most exposed and had to let go each night for sleep, and with dates, because it was important to remember when remembering was no longer taken for granted,that was all great writing. Very good mixture of pros and poetry. I wish I could give you some constructive criticism, I just don't have anything that comes to mind. Good job! Dave.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Dallas01
There is so much that rings true to life in your writing. I had to read one line to another, because the hints of this person's life is enough to touch emotion, but also our interest to find the reasons for the suffering. Regardless of what they are, we all suffer, but to bring in the dementia, recorded in a journal kept under the bed ( a place private & personal, where she was most exposed and had to let go each night for sleep, and with dates, because it was important to remember when remembering was no longer taken for granted,that was all great writing. Very good mixture of pros and poetry. I wish I could give you some constructive criticism, I just don't have anything that comes to mind. Good job! Dave.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the wonderful review and the bonus star. I am truly touched that so many could (feel) the poem. Life is such a dichotomy of good-bad, happy-sad. And in the end when it is woven together, hopefully that will be revealed in a sigh of serenity.
Comment from B. Diehl
"Under the bed, wrapped in a faded silk shawl, the only journal precisely dated from beginning to end. The downhill spiraling of her mother's descent into dementia. The last entry, a prayer of gratitude bringing it all to an end."
^ Amazing. I really, really admire your style. I'll be checking out more of your work as soon as I get time.
Cheers!
-B<3
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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"Under the bed, wrapped in a faded silk shawl, the only journal precisely dated from beginning to end. The downhill spiraling of her mother's descent into dementia. The last entry, a prayer of gratitude bringing it all to an end."
^ Amazing. I really, really admire your style. I'll be checking out more of your work as soon as I get time.
Cheers!
-B<3
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thanks for the kind review. Stop by anytime. My focus is mostly free verse, haibun and Japanese short forms.
Comment from Sylvia Page
The events of a whole lifetime brought together captured in this beautiful Haibun. It's sad but it's real. Some won't even have their thoughts recorded...
Compliments of the season,
Sylvia
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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The events of a whole lifetime brought together captured in this beautiful Haibun. It's sad but it's real. Some won't even have their thoughts recorded...
Compliments of the season,
Sylvia
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thank you for taking the time to review.
Comment from mfowler
This is just about perfect haibun. Your poetry opens and closes the episode perfectly. I think that patchwork imagery is ideal to describe the scattered elements of memento that represent a life after dying. It's a horrible job working through a loved one's possessions. You describe the diary's history with humanity and sensitivity. You offer enough detail to describe the hard times, but you also include enough positivity to stop the life seeming to be nothing but a tragedy. You even include that lovely passage about gratitude. It seems like most lives, a mixed bag of experiences. I like that two edged imagery of tied in a bow, as if the life were neatly summed up, but also expressing the final stage of bringing the documents all together. Very well done!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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This is just about perfect haibun. Your poetry opens and closes the episode perfectly. I think that patchwork imagery is ideal to describe the scattered elements of memento that represent a life after dying. It's a horrible job working through a loved one's possessions. You describe the diary's history with humanity and sensitivity. You offer enough detail to describe the hard times, but you also include enough positivity to stop the life seeming to be nothing but a tragedy. You even include that lovely passage about gratitude. It seems like most lives, a mixed bag of experiences. I like that two edged imagery of tied in a bow, as if the life were neatly summed up, but also expressing the final stage of bringing the documents all together. Very well done!
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for the in depth review and the bonus star. Haibun is my favorite form but does not come as easily as other forms. The idea came to me while I was reflecting on my own unfinished journals.
Comment from Glasstruth
Awesome! One of the best haibuns I've ever read. Everything connects perfectly. The poems are as powerful as the story itself. Going into different details like cancer, and dementia make this even more powerful. Great!!! Les
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Awesome! One of the best haibuns I've ever read. Everything connects perfectly. The poems are as powerful as the story itself. Going into different details like cancer, and dementia make this even more powerful. Great!!! Les
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for the great review. Glad you enjoyed. this is my favorite form, but unfortunately, not one that comes easy.
Comment from Deniz22
Wonderfully told tale of life with the quilt metaphor well employed. Fast moving as life and just as real and vital. A mix of pain and pleasure. Well done!
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Wonderfully told tale of life with the quilt metaphor well employed. Fast moving as life and just as real and vital. A mix of pain and pleasure. Well done!
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Thanks for reviewing and glad you enjoyed.
Comment from Bina1
Sounds like the nightmare task of wrapping things up at the end of life. I can't imagine if someone had to do this for me.........spurs me on to get my affairs in order! Thank you for sharing, trying to put everything in order.
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reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Sounds like the nightmare task of wrapping things up at the end of life. I can't imagine if someone had to do this for me.........spurs me on to get my affairs in order! Thank you for sharing, trying to put everything in order.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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I have been thinking about it but to ate have done nothing. thanks for reviewing.
Comment from reconciled
This is an effort to be proud of D.....EXCEPTIONAL......out of yellow or I'd tie one around the oak tree. Easy read....very impressive in a style most shy from....hats off to you my lady....love you michael
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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This is an effort to be proud of D.....EXCEPTIONAL......out of yellow or I'd tie one around the oak tree. Easy read....very impressive in a style most shy from....hats off to you my lady....love you michael
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Thanks, Michael, for the stellar review. When I first discovered this form, it scared me. Ten I took a class from Alvin and have been mesmerized ever since. but it isn't one I can just sit down and pound out. Thanks again.
Hugs and best wishes for the New Year.
Comment from jmdg1954
I enjoy reading haibun's. If I could only write one. I felt the words jump from the page with your story and the stories as found throughout the house.
Nicely done... John
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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I enjoy reading haibun's. If I could only write one. I felt the words jump from the page with your story and the stories as found throughout the house.
Nicely done... John
Comment Written 27-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much for the great review and the bonus star. Watch for classes on this site. The requirement, however is that you must have taken courses in short Japanese forms first.
There are a few journals and some information on the net.
