Haibun (Patchwork)
The yin and yang of life's inconsistencies.39 total reviews
Comment from L.A.Matthies
Such a frightening concept,a parents dementia:
tied up in a bow
beginnings, middles and ends
life's paradox - yet, you've summed it up eloquently!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Such a frightening concept,a parents dementia:
tied up in a bow
beginnings, middles and ends
life's paradox - yet, you've summed it up eloquently!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Thanks for reviewing. The last senryu refers to life in general.
Comment from Writingfundimension
This is a superb haibun, Dallas. I'm glad you've posted another one - a truly exceptional write. I loved this:
'Unfinished journals of innocent beginnings and troubled middles tucked away everywhere...'
In my opinion, you OWN this style.
:0) Bev
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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This is a superb haibun, Dallas. I'm glad you've posted another one - a truly exceptional write. I loved this:
'Unfinished journals of innocent beginnings and troubled middles tucked away everywhere...'
In my opinion, you OWN this style.
:0) Bev
Comment Written 29-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much, Bev for the gracious review. I don't see a lot of haibun on the site. It's not the kind of form that just pops into my head or that I can conjure up on demand. But I sure love it.
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Your love of the form is contagious, Dallas. It's on my list to try in the new year.
Warm regards, Bev
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When I fist read one, I waited several months before I attempted it. But glad I did and Alvin's class, after if settled in, was invaluable.
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You, certainly, must have made his job easier, Dallas.
Comment from elchupakabra
In drawers - in drawers
Other than that small typo, I thought you did an excellent job with this haibun. The haibun as a poetic form is beyond my repertoire as of yet, so kudos for taking on the challenge and excelling at it. Great work on this write, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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In drawers - in drawers
Other than that small typo, I thought you did an excellent job with this haibun. The haibun as a poetic form is beyond my repertoire as of yet, so kudos for taking on the challenge and excelling at it. Great work on this write, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. it is an interesting form but not one I can just write on demand. it has to come to me in its own time.
Comment from Joan E.
Your haibun seemed biographical--in any event, it completely captured a life and its detritus. The form contributed to its intensity of feeling. The "quilt" and "ashes" establish the mood well and the "paradox" concludes the reflection perfectly. Well done! -Joan
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Your haibun seemed biographical--in any event, it completely captured a life and its detritus. The form contributed to its intensity of feeling. The "quilt" and "ashes" establish the mood well and the "paradox" concludes the reflection perfectly. Well done! -Joan
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thanks, Joan. Pretty much so.
Comment from rouskin
Perfect write
Under the bed, wrapped in a faded silk shawl, the only journal precisely dated from beginning to end. The downhill spiraling of her mother's descent into dementia. The last entry, a prayer of gratitude bringing it all to an end.
Good alliterations bow/beginnings...descent/ dementia
Nice complimentary picture too.
Thank you for sharing
Wintry Wishes. May this season bring you the gifts of peace, hope and joy.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Perfect write
Under the bed, wrapped in a faded silk shawl, the only journal precisely dated from beginning to end. The downhill spiraling of her mother's descent into dementia. The last entry, a prayer of gratitude bringing it all to an end.
Good alliterations bow/beginnings...descent/ dementia
Nice complimentary picture too.
Thank you for sharing
Wintry Wishes. May this season bring you the gifts of peace, hope and joy.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thank you for reviewing. I like that (Wintry Wishes.) right back at you....
Comment from Steve Pantazis
My mom's friend is suffering from dementia, and it's so sad whenever we ask him, "Hey, Ernie, do you remember such and such," and he says no. The patchwork quilt of our memories serve as the reminder of who he once was.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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My mom's friend is suffering from dementia, and it's so sad whenever we ask him, "Hey, Ernie, do you remember such and such," and he says no. The patchwork quilt of our memories serve as the reminder of who he once was.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Yes It is quite sad. The worse part is when one realizes what his happening to them
Comment from mermaids
This is an amazing piece of writing that reflects true life. I like the prose about finding the possessions that tell the reader about the individual. The haiku is excellent and reflects the prose. The two poems work well at the beginning and the end as an introduction and a conclusion which wraps up the prose.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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This is an amazing piece of writing that reflects true life. I like the prose about finding the possessions that tell the reader about the individual. The haiku is excellent and reflects the prose. The two poems work well at the beginning and the end as an introduction and a conclusion which wraps up the prose.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thank you for reviewing. That is what I was aiming for.
Comment from judiverse
Excellent haiku in this, and lovely that you have one at beginning and end of your haibun. Very poignant account of sifting through the deceased's possessions. The ups and downs of her life as so well described. A marriage that ended, a father stricken with cancer, also happier times. Sad account her suffering dementia. One's life is deciphered. judi
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Excellent haiku in this, and lovely that you have one at beginning and end of your haibun. Very poignant account of sifting through the deceased's possessions. The ups and downs of her life as so well described. A marriage that ended, a father stricken with cancer, also happier times. Sad account her suffering dementia. One's life is deciphered. judi
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review. Drawn on a lot of truth.
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You're so welcome. Have a Happy New Year! judi
Comment from Tonulak
Dear Dallas Alice,
Wow...this was an amazing write. it was natural and right in the moment, the ideal setting for haben. The story was told with tenderness despite conflicting emotions. Sorry, i don't have a six for you, but this was outstanding--Ted
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Dear Dallas Alice,
Wow...this was an amazing write. it was natural and right in the moment, the ideal setting for haben. The story was told with tenderness despite conflicting emotions. Sorry, i don't have a six for you, but this was outstanding--Ted
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Thanks, Ted for the great review. I like virtual sixes. lol
Comment from w.j.debi
The quilt was well chosen as a metaphor for this piece. The descriptions are touching. You set the tone well with
Where to begin? The job of rifling through someone's personal possessions, an honor, or a curse? Sacred if nothing else.
Most of our lives are like your description, memories not date or organized, except for special or poignant ones. Blame and joy all mixed together. Life is paradox. Well done and thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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The quilt was well chosen as a metaphor for this piece. The descriptions are touching. You set the tone well with
Where to begin? The job of rifling through someone's personal possessions, an honor, or a curse? Sacred if nothing else.
Most of our lives are like your description, memories not date or organized, except for special or poignant ones. Blame and joy all mixed together. Life is paradox. Well done and thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2013
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Yes. they are not just happy or sad, good or bad, but a healthy mix. Thank you for reviewing.
