Haibun (Patchwork)
The yin and yang of life's inconsistencies.39 total reviews
Comment from milos_mental
This was almost painful to read as it reminded me of going through my grandmother's effects when she died in 2004. She didn't leave a diary or journal but there had been signs of her mental descent; the worst was kept from us by her husband, my grandfather.
His words to us were: "In sickness and in health." He bore the burden of his wife's dementia alone, shielding his children and grandchildren from the harsh facts.
I empathise with your experience and yet I could never hope to portray it with such stark beauty as you have.
Thank you for sharing this.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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This was almost painful to read as it reminded me of going through my grandmother's effects when she died in 2004. She didn't leave a diary or journal but there had been signs of her mental descent; the worst was kept from us by her husband, my grandfather.
His words to us were: "In sickness and in health." He bore the burden of his wife's dementia alone, shielding his children and grandchildren from the harsh facts.
I empathise with your experience and yet I could never hope to portray it with such stark beauty as you have.
Thank you for sharing this.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the kind review ad sharing. My dad managed to cover for a long time. and I lived right next door and had no idea how bad it was until he suggested we take her to have her evaluated.
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Heartbreakingly timely, Dallas. My best friend is cleaning out her late husband's closet as we speak. This week's revelations: two propane canisters in the back of a bedroom closet, and paperwork cancelling all his life insurance policies. Lord, take me before I screw up the lives of those I love. :) nancy
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Heartbreakingly timely, Dallas. My best friend is cleaning out her late husband's closet as we speak. This week's revelations: two propane canisters in the back of a bedroom closet, and paperwork cancelling all his life insurance policies. Lord, take me before I screw up the lives of those I love. :) nancy
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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We never know what lies ahead. Thank God we don't have crystal balls. Old age extracts its price, no matter what.
Comment from ravenblack
Your framing haiku are perfect. The quilt waiting to be deciphered followed by the one-breath ramble of details of her life closed like a gift tied up in a bow, past present and future a beginning, middle and end presented simultaneously like the quilt.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Your framing haiku are perfect. The quilt waiting to be deciphered followed by the one-breath ramble of details of her life closed like a gift tied up in a bow, past present and future a beginning, middle and end presented simultaneously like the quilt.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Thank you so much for the awesome review and the bonus star. And thanks to referring to the haiku.
Comment from kiwijenny
This gave me chills ...the synopsis of a life....................... beginning ....middle....end .....tied up with a bow.....
Life's paradox
Well done
God bless
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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This gave me chills ...the synopsis of a life....................... beginning ....middle....end .....tied up with a bow.....
Life's paradox
Well done
God bless
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Thank you for enjoying this poem. It is based in a lot of truth.
Comment from Spitfire
A unique metaphor to open this beautiful piece. How well you describe the true wealth and measure of a person's life-the memories not the money. Superb ending. Your halibun shows keen perception of a person's worth.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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A unique metaphor to open this beautiful piece. How well you describe the true wealth and measure of a person's life-the memories not the money. Superb ending. Your halibun shows keen perception of a person's worth.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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Thank you for the observation and the bonus star. Both are appreciated.
Comment from Zue65
This deserved six stars, I really am not into haibun, but your version if so perfectly clear and vivid that just now, I appreciated haibun more as a poetic style than I ever did before. A very well-deserved all time best status recognition for this poem. Kudos and hats off to you. God bless and write more haibun please.
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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This deserved six stars, I really am not into haibun, but your version if so perfectly clear and vivid that just now, I appreciated haibun more as a poetic style than I ever did before. A very well-deserved all time best status recognition for this poem. Kudos and hats off to you. God bless and write more haibun please.
Comment Written 30-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 30-Dec-2013
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I am so glad you enjoyed. It is a beautiful form but can't be written at the drop of a hat like some forms. I think the poem has to let the writer know when it wants to created. I personally love this form. thank you for the awesome review and the bonus star.
Comment from Dustman6180
I enjoyed your free verse poem. I may have misunderstood it, but it sounded like a mother passed, and a daughter had to go through her belongings. I helped my dad do that a few years ago. You can tell a lot about a person through this very personal rummage. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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I enjoyed your free verse poem. I may have misunderstood it, but it sounded like a mother passed, and a daughter had to go through her belongings. I helped my dad do that a few years ago. You can tell a lot about a person through this very personal rummage. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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You're welcome. That is what it is all about. I combined my mothers passing with my habit of keeping journals to create it. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from michaelcahill
This is a wonderful haibun. Maybe the best I have read. I love the form. I have written things with the form in the back of my mind but no real ones that conform to the right structure. Perfect haikus that accompany. The last one is almost like the "moral of the story". That is amazing for it is a complex story. The first one sets the mood perfectly with its poignant mood. The three middle stanzas deliver beyond belief everything one could ask for emotionally about life and the way it goes and what it means and how we deal with it. It answers questions which is rare and asks thought provoking questions as well that remain with the reader long after the reading is finished. A great work. Awesome. mikey
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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This is a wonderful haibun. Maybe the best I have read. I love the form. I have written things with the form in the back of my mind but no real ones that conform to the right structure. Perfect haikus that accompany. The last one is almost like the "moral of the story". That is amazing for it is a complex story. The first one sets the mood perfectly with its poignant mood. The three middle stanzas deliver beyond belief everything one could ask for emotionally about life and the way it goes and what it means and how we deal with it. It answers questions which is rare and asks thought provoking questions as well that remain with the reader long after the reading is finished. A great work. Awesome. mikey
Comment Written 29-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Mikey, thank you so much for the detailed stellar review. Nice to know that my intent was accomplished.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Wow! This is the best haibun I've read in a long, long time! Wonderfully written for immediacy, exceptional haiku, both of them, vivid imagery evoked - so poignant! You've mastered this form, in my opinion (and the picture does not distract from the narrative one bit).
I love this form, and have written several of these, so you have to know I studied and have a working knowledge at least - Bravo!
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Wow! This is the best haibun I've read in a long, long time! Wonderfully written for immediacy, exceptional haiku, both of them, vivid imagery evoked - so poignant! You've mastered this form, in my opinion (and the picture does not distract from the narrative one bit).
I love this form, and have written several of these, so you have to know I studied and have a working knowledge at least - Bravo!
Comment Written 29-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Thanks so much for the awesome review and the bonus star. It is Probably my favorite form but one that can't be written on demand, the idea has to appear in its own time. I hesitated several months before I attempted one, and then I took a class from Alvin, here at fanstory. I love the Japanese short forms and free verse but Haibun presents an exciting challenge.
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Oh, I agree with everything you said - it does have to emerge at its own pace, and it is very exciting to write! You are most welcome - well-earned!
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:.)
Comment from James Dooney
Nice work. Very indicative of how life can evolve at times too huh ! Life is never always the smooth ride we would like to be for yes it often happens in patches !
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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Nice work. Very indicative of how life can evolve at times too huh ! Life is never always the smooth ride we would like to be for yes it often happens in patches !
Comment Written 29-Dec-2013
reply by the author on 29-Dec-2013
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thank you for reviewing and welcome to fanstory.
