The Animal Doctor
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Ten Oakes Part II"Love Among the Thorns
38 total reviews
Comment from Gooloom
Well too bad she is not happily married--Margaret i mean. some people are always dissatisfied. It appears she is trying to reenter Nathans life in a roundabout way. Hope the fool does not succumb to her charms and make a mistake again. very interesting plot. and well written meaningful words which convey even the feelings in the mind of the characters. want to know more. gooloom
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Well too bad she is not happily married--Margaret i mean. some people are always dissatisfied. It appears she is trying to reenter Nathans life in a roundabout way. Hope the fool does not succumb to her charms and make a mistake again. very interesting plot. and well written meaningful words which convey even the feelings in the mind of the characters. want to know more. gooloom
Comment Written 19-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2014
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Well thank you so much for reading my chapter. Hope you can find the time to read more.
Comment from NomaFaith
I love this story. I'm sorry I only had 5 stars left and you deserve six. I'm ready to start from ch.1. Do you have those on here? I want to know whether Nathan falls for her charms again. Great story. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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I love this story. I'm sorry I only had 5 stars left and you deserve six. I'm ready to start from ch.1. Do you have those on here? I want to know whether Nathan falls for her charms again. Great story. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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No, I only post after I write them. Thank you so much reading my story.
Comment from allborn66
This is a very interesting chapter. I don't remember reading your story before. I liked the characters. The dialogue sounded natural. There seems to be a big conflict brewing.
Barbara
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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This is a very interesting chapter. I don't remember reading your story before. I liked the characters. The dialogue sounded natural. There seems to be a big conflict brewing.
Barbara
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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Thank you Barbara.
Comment from DionysusDeVille
This piece does well in bringing me back into the past of the days of old. I truly enjoyed this passage and its detail was outstanding
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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This piece does well in bringing me back into the past of the days of old. I truly enjoyed this passage and its detail was outstanding
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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Thank you.
Comment from seaglass
I have not read any other part of this story but I was immediately caught up in it. I desire to start at the beginning. Your description of the scenes and characters draws the reader in and make her feel she is there in the midst of the event. I love the time period as a setting for a story.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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I have not read any other part of this story but I was immediately caught up in it. I desire to start at the beginning. Your description of the scenes and characters draws the reader in and make her feel she is there in the midst of the event. I love the time period as a setting for a story.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much seaglass for this encouraging review. It's made my day. I'm so glade you want to read the previous chapters. I hope you'll enjoy them.
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Most welcome
Comment from marijmd
I knew Nathan would make a good father - lets see if he can keep his vows and remain a good husband. I dont like his own love budding in when he is finally happy.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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I knew Nathan would make a good father - lets see if he can keep his vows and remain a good husband. I dont like his own love budding in when he is finally happy.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2014
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Thank you marijmd. Let's keep our fingers crossed.
Comment from adewpearl
good natural-sounding dialogue that conveys their emotions well and good use of non-verbal communication that enhances the spoken conversation, such as when Grace notices her husband's frown lines.
Nathan's Mother's middle name - mother's
She pointed the envelope at Grace, who came forward - add the comma
Excellent contrast between the polite conversation with the Duchess and then the awkward conversation between Nate and the Duchess in private - excellent use of non-verbal communication in that passage.
Brooke
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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good natural-sounding dialogue that conveys their emotions well and good use of non-verbal communication that enhances the spoken conversation, such as when Grace notices her husband's frown lines.
Nathan's Mother's middle name - mother's
She pointed the envelope at Grace, who came forward - add the comma
Excellent contrast between the polite conversation with the Duchess and then the awkward conversation between Nate and the Duchess in private - excellent use of non-verbal communication in that passage.
Brooke
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Oh, thank you Brooke for keeping up with my story. I'll make the corrections.
Comment from Selina Stambi
Hello "Auntie",
I think I enjoyed this chapter more than any of the previous ones - I love the warmth of the scene in the nursery and the drama of the ex-lover come back.
Good dialogue - very real and believable.
Well done, my dear Aunty Harriett!!
xxx
Sonali
closet in the couples' adjoining bedroom to the nursery. ,, a bit convoluted .. suggest: ... in their bedroom adjoining the nursery
her feet in her low-heel(ed) slippers
that hung over the European imported fireplace ... the imported European fireplace?
She wore a tailored, shawl-collar(e)d dress
flared at the hip(s) and ended just below
A navy blue, cloche hat, bell shaped, covered ... A navy blue, bell shaped cloche hat, ...
A dark brown (lock) of her hair formed a curl
. Her mink(-)collared, grey wrap-coat lay upon the sofa; and beside it,
Margaret's eyes widen(ed) when she
he could smell the (honeysuckle) in her hair.
Their eyes met like a flash of lightning( then was over just as quickly) .. the second phrase doesn't quite make sense here ... suggest: ... Their eyes met like a lightning flash and moved away as quickly ... perhaps?
Finally getting the( cobwebs) out of his throat, he said....
not sure cobwebs is the word you need here .. frog ... perhaps?
Grace stepped forward and helped her (ease her) other arm through the other sleeve.
, but simply said(,) "Well, I must be going. It's been a pleasure meeting you Mrs. Daniels(,) and your beautiful baby."
one of his heartbeats dropped, like ... his heart missed a beat ..?
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Hello "Auntie",
I think I enjoyed this chapter more than any of the previous ones - I love the warmth of the scene in the nursery and the drama of the ex-lover come back.
Good dialogue - very real and believable.
Well done, my dear Aunty Harriett!!
xxx
Sonali
closet in the couples' adjoining bedroom to the nursery. ,, a bit convoluted .. suggest: ... in their bedroom adjoining the nursery
her feet in her low-heel(ed) slippers
that hung over the European imported fireplace ... the imported European fireplace?
She wore a tailored, shawl-collar(e)d dress
flared at the hip(s) and ended just below
A navy blue, cloche hat, bell shaped, covered ... A navy blue, bell shaped cloche hat, ...
A dark brown (lock) of her hair formed a curl
. Her mink(-)collared, grey wrap-coat lay upon the sofa; and beside it,
Margaret's eyes widen(ed) when she
he could smell the (honeysuckle) in her hair.
Their eyes met like a flash of lightning( then was over just as quickly) .. the second phrase doesn't quite make sense here ... suggest: ... Their eyes met like a lightning flash and moved away as quickly ... perhaps?
Finally getting the( cobwebs) out of his throat, he said....
not sure cobwebs is the word you need here .. frog ... perhaps?
Grace stepped forward and helped her (ease her) other arm through the other sleeve.
, but simply said(,) "Well, I must be going. It's been a pleasure meeting you Mrs. Daniels(,) and your beautiful baby."
one of his heartbeats dropped, like ... his heart missed a beat ..?
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Thank you, my dear, for this fine review. Your suggestions are well taken.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Although I'm not familiar with the story,
you immediately drew me in - such an intriguing
read, Amahra - with the dialogue flowing naturally.
A couple of minor things:
She eyed him up an(d) down.
tiny beads of sweat envading his forehead - invading
Margaret
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Although I'm not familiar with the story,
you immediately drew me in - such an intriguing
read, Amahra - with the dialogue flowing naturally.
A couple of minor things:
She eyed him up an(d) down.
tiny beads of sweat envading his forehead - invading
Margaret
Comment Written 16-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 16-Jan-2014
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Hi Margaret. Always a pleasure having you read me. Thank you for this review and the corrections.
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This is readable and has strong characterization. It definitely has a 'slice of life' tone to it in spite of being set in the past. I only noticed a couple of little things to fix:
"Alright, I'm ready."
change Alright to All right
Nathan leaned over and gasped at the amount and finally getting the cobwebs out of his throat, he said....
It sounds like a run-on when you use 'and' a second time.
So maybe try:
Nathan leaned over and gasped at the amount. Finally getting the cobwebs out of his throat, he said,
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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This is readable and has strong characterization. It definitely has a 'slice of life' tone to it in spite of being set in the past. I only noticed a couple of little things to fix:
"Alright, I'm ready."
change Alright to All right
Nathan leaned over and gasped at the amount and finally getting the cobwebs out of his throat, he said....
It sounds like a run-on when you use 'and' a second time.
So maybe try:
Nathan leaned over and gasped at the amount. Finally getting the cobwebs out of his throat, he said,
Comment Written 15-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 15-Jan-2014
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Thank you so much. Yes. Your corrections are well founded. I'll make the changes immediately.
