Enchanted Vines Of Wisteriaville 1
Fantasy Story15 total reviews
Comment from nordicgirl
An amazing story. I am stunned by your imagination. This is so unlike your other work. The writing is poetic and metaphoric. An amazing original tale. The writing is the star. It alnist doesnt matter what the story is. ND
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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An amazing story. I am stunned by your imagination. This is so unlike your other work. The writing is poetic and metaphoric. An amazing original tale. The writing is the star. It alnist doesnt matter what the story is. ND
Comment Written 29-Jan-2014
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2014
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Wow. Most encouraged by your review. There are a couple more parts to this if you have the time, mikey
Comment from amanda98653
A fascinating one, Mike. I really liked it. And yes,(haha) I am back again. Long story. lol.
"As time passed, it became apparent that knowledge does not come without cost"
I really do think that everything comes with a price..everything. Ever watched "Once Upon a Time"? Your tale reminds me of it.
Here are some suggestions to keep in mind:
1. But, these ants are so industrious and purposeful, that they pause the march of sense and explanation that, all too often, plagues my mind.
But, these ants are so industrious and purposeful that they pause the march of sense and explanation, that all too often plagues my mind.
We thought you asleep, but know now that you are simply unaware of what surrounds you.
2. We thought you were asleep but know now that you are simply unaware of your surroundings.
hugs
Amanda
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A fascinating one, Mike. I really liked it. And yes,(haha) I am back again. Long story. lol.
"As time passed, it became apparent that knowledge does not come without cost"
I really do think that everything comes with a price..everything. Ever watched "Once Upon a Time"? Your tale reminds me of it.
Here are some suggestions to keep in mind:
1. But, these ants are so industrious and purposeful, that they pause the march of sense and explanation that, all too often, plagues my mind.
But, these ants are so industrious and purposeful that they pause the march of sense and explanation, that all too often plagues my mind.
We thought you asleep, but know now that you are simply unaware of what surrounds you.
2. We thought you were asleep but know now that you are simply unaware of your surroundings.
hugs
Amanda
Comment Written 24-Dec-2013
Comment from GracieAnn
Mikey, this pensive write asks and offers possible answers questions concerning purpose in existence in a fresh way. The lines, "But death was no longer naturaly (misspelled) occurring, but always through misfortune. Even at that, death was not always true death. But, a rainstorm that knocks your most beloved from the vine to the ground below, nonetheless, takes your dreams with it" is a remarkable observation and grasps the breadth of grief in some measure. Nicely done! :0 GracieAnn
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Mikey, this pensive write asks and offers possible answers questions concerning purpose in existence in a fresh way. The lines, "But death was no longer naturaly (misspelled) occurring, but always through misfortune. Even at that, death was not always true death. But, a rainstorm that knocks your most beloved from the vine to the ground below, nonetheless, takes your dreams with it" is a remarkable observation and grasps the breadth of grief in some measure. Nicely done! :0 GracieAnn
Comment Written 23-Dec-2013
Comment from Darkhorse555
from that picture and the title it sure enchants just looking upon it the nature of this writing dear friend very beautiful piece really enjoyed the vision through your eyes
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from that picture and the title it sure enchants just looking upon it the nature of this writing dear friend very beautiful piece really enjoyed the vision through your eyes
Comment Written 23-Dec-2013
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
You know? sometimes you get too deep into the life you are living and leave us 000000000 people out in the cold so to speak. I love you dearly and the ant your were talking to,.,,Id love to hear him someday....but please bring it down a little for me to understand,,. Professor.
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You know? sometimes you get too deep into the life you are living and leave us 000000000 people out in the cold so to speak. I love you dearly and the ant your were talking to,.,,Id love to hear him someday....but please bring it down a little for me to understand,,. Professor.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2013
Comment from Green Lake Girl
I love the premise for your fable, Mike. You were looking for critique, so I printed your chapter and gave it a look. Here's my two cents worth:
1. The first paragraph starts with the sentence, "Stories are always for children." Adults like stories too. The sentence, "It is life and death." Expand on this. What does that mean? The first paragraph could be reworked to flow more naturally.
2. THe 7th paragraph, "The center of the world . . ." is confusing. Some proclamations are made that need to be explained. For example, "I am the great poet of our society, thought I don't know why. I just like to talk, is all." (Is this the ant speaking?) If so, who proclaimed him to be the "great poet of our society." More explanation would clear up the confusion.
3. "My home is known by many names . . " Explain the "Curtis Club" reference.
4. I love the paragraph, "He went on to explain . . ." This explains the magic of the vine.
I really like the story line. Your writing style is very different here than in other things you write. Tighten up the story, make it easier to understand, and I think it'll be a great modern fable.
Hope this helps!
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I love the premise for your fable, Mike. You were looking for critique, so I printed your chapter and gave it a look. Here's my two cents worth:
1. The first paragraph starts with the sentence, "Stories are always for children." Adults like stories too. The sentence, "It is life and death." Expand on this. What does that mean? The first paragraph could be reworked to flow more naturally.
2. THe 7th paragraph, "The center of the world . . ." is confusing. Some proclamations are made that need to be explained. For example, "I am the great poet of our society, thought I don't know why. I just like to talk, is all." (Is this the ant speaking?) If so, who proclaimed him to be the "great poet of our society." More explanation would clear up the confusion.
3. "My home is known by many names . . " Explain the "Curtis Club" reference.
4. I love the paragraph, "He went on to explain . . ." This explains the magic of the vine.
I really like the story line. Your writing style is very different here than in other things you write. Tighten up the story, make it easier to understand, and I think it'll be a great modern fable.
Hope this helps!
Comment Written 23-Dec-2013
Comment from Tatarka2
I'd check for SPAGS; I found a couple ("be/by," etc). On a much larger scale, I loved this as a little boy's re-telling of how he observed the ever-renewing cycle of creation. Brilliant. I do think it needs a couple of re-writes and some tightening up. Maybe flesh out the character of the boy a little more, put in another character (his mother? a sibling?) for contrast and put in some dialogue, either internal or with others, or both. But the idea itself is original yet timeless. A reflective little boy witnesses the continuous rebirth of creation and applies his imagination to it to create the character of Louie (and maybe others?) A great idea and a brilliant beginning.
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I'd check for SPAGS; I found a couple ("be/by," etc). On a much larger scale, I loved this as a little boy's re-telling of how he observed the ever-renewing cycle of creation. Brilliant. I do think it needs a couple of re-writes and some tightening up. Maybe flesh out the character of the boy a little more, put in another character (his mother? a sibling?) for contrast and put in some dialogue, either internal or with others, or both. But the idea itself is original yet timeless. A reflective little boy witnesses the continuous rebirth of creation and applies his imagination to it to create the character of Louie (and maybe others?) A great idea and a brilliant beginning.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2013
Comment from kiwijenny
This took me back to my child hood when I visited my eighty year old neighbor and her fairy garden....I empathize with ant watching because I would do that for hours....there are some typos...witnessed be eyes....by eyes.........sitting there talking. Sitting.....
Merry Christmas
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This took me back to my child hood when I visited my eighty year old neighbor and her fairy garden....I empathize with ant watching because I would do that for hours....there are some typos...witnessed be eyes....by eyes.........sitting there talking. Sitting.....
Merry Christmas
Comment Written 22-Dec-2013
Comment from Sankey
What an interesting meander about Wisteria. As you know I shared about our Wisteria we had on our now dead fence. I think I also told you I had no realised it had over grown into the garage next door and the lady (that's giving me all kinds of trouble these days) apparently hurt herself trying to get the overgrowth removed.
You again have given me ideas of something else to write in my book haha.
One spag today...but nothing to(o) heartbreaking. hahaha
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What an interesting meander about Wisteria. As you know I shared about our Wisteria we had on our now dead fence. I think I also told you I had no realised it had over grown into the garage next door and the lady (that's giving me all kinds of trouble these days) apparently hurt herself trying to get the overgrowth removed.
You again have given me ideas of something else to write in my book haha.
One spag today...but nothing to(o) heartbreaking. hahaha
Comment Written 22-Dec-2013
Comment from Alena Smith
maybe in this sentence:
"When you no longer can view existence in awe, you have broken the connection to our forever, young souls."
you could use "to your forever, young soul". I think that would be easier to read this'
this was a great and thought provoking piece that left me thinking.
it was well written and the story was flowing well together.
nice job
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maybe in this sentence:
"When you no longer can view existence in awe, you have broken the connection to our forever, young souls."
you could use "to your forever, young soul". I think that would be easier to read this'
this was a great and thought provoking piece that left me thinking.
it was well written and the story was flowing well together.
nice job
Comment Written 22-Dec-2013
